Chuck Norris

[Pickledpie]

This is the first Chuck Norris thread. It is in the HS additions becase I plan to post Heroscape related Chuck Norris jokes here. Feel free to make your own additions. For more Chuck Norris, go to chucknorrisfacts.com.

To start:

Chuck Norris CAN diseangage a Gladiatron.

Ever destroyed two Reavers in one turn? Chuck Norris destroyed four in half a turn. What? You say there's no such thing as half a turn? The four dead Reavers don't think do either.

Originally, Hasbro was going to put a Chuck Norris figure in an exclusive ROTV Master set. When they tried to make the sculpt, they discovered that plastic wasn't hard enough to hold the image of mere Chuck Norris. (That one's thanks to Anerrios)

Secretly, Chuck Norris overthrew Utgar and lead his army for a while. Soon he discovered that the warriors were unfit for battle, so he killed them all and destroyed Jandar's alliance by himself.

The only reason there aren't any figures with kicking special abilities is because WOTC is afraid Chuck Norris will take it as a mockery and destroy them all.


These were kinda off the top of my head, so don't shun me forever.

[Mossman]

I wonder if this would be a better fit in the Fan Art and Fiction forum?

[Lord Pyre]

Tell me this:

Why are people so obsessed with this b-movie actor!?!? I've seen his stuff; he's not good.

Sorry, but these facts are really irritating. I can't even get away from them here....

[Mossman]

I think his mediocrity is part of what makes the whole Chuck Norris thing so much more fun. Something about the juxtaposition of the "awesome" quotes and the mediocre reality.

[Lord Pyre]

I figured it was something like that, but it can be taken too far...

When my brother was getting school supplies with that stuff on it the other day, I knew for sure it was already taken too far...

[Pumpkin_King]

It's been done, albiet in a slightly different form.

[SuperflyTNT]

Originally Posted by Lord Pyre

Tell me this:

Why are people so obsessed with this b-movie actor!?!? I've seen his stuff; he's not good.

Sorry, but these facts are really irritating. I can't even get away from them here....

OK, here it is...

Chuck Norris is a BAD MOFO. He is not only a BAD MOFO, he was one of the winningest Professional Karate champions ever. He retired with a 183-10-2 record, which in and of itself is pretty impressive.

He founded a very effective form of martial art philosophy much in the same way Bruce Lee did with his Jeet Kune Do (Way of the Intercepting Fist); both are essentially the origination of the MMA style of fighting where practitioners call upon the best of a variety of martial arts styles, keeping only the most effective.

Furthermore, he was at one point an icon for the best in people, a person to be looked up to, to aspire to. He influenced a generation of children to become disciplined and to be all that they could be.

He has participated in a vast multitude of USO shows and has supported the US armed forces vigorously, and he is truly the people that GIs look up to, hence the 'Chuck Norrisisms' - to us they are jokes, to GIs they are bits of a legend. There is a bank of porta-johns in Iraq that are littered with the jokes.

Here's some more input:
http://network.nationalpost.com/np/b...d-in-iraq.aspx

And finally, my friend Mickey, who holds several black belts in several martial arts, and is by all accounts a dealer of death - wholesale, sparred with Chuck while he was in his teens (Mick, not Chuck) and the ABSOLUTE LIGHTNING fast roundhouse and punches proved why Chuck is a BaD MoFo.

Case Closed..and remember,
"Chuck Norris put the laughter into manslaughter"

And here's my personal contributions to the cause:

Chuck Norris ripped the skin off of My Little Ponies- this is how the Marden Hounds were invented.

When Chuck Norris rolls skulls it's not the dice, it's his opponent's.

Chuck Norris doesn't need height advantage, he has Chuck advantage and that's enough.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to attack Deathreavers...they scatter at the sight of him.

I could do this all night.......

[DrRansom]

Chuck Norris doesn't roll the dice. He tells the dice how it's gonna be.

When disengaging from Chuck Norris he doesn't get to roll for disengagement: it's just your ghost departing from your body.

When an adjacent figure rolls defensive dice against Chuck Norris; that figure rolls with 8 fewer life.

Attacking figures do not recieve hieght advantage on Chuck Norris; they only get an advantaged view of their own death.

[Lord Pyre]

Originally Posted by Superflytnt

Text

I know all about his Martial Arts accomplishments, and being a Tae Kwon Do student myself, I respect him for that.


And sure, he's a guy to be looked up to (For his martial arts, not his TV and movies.... *Shudder*), but everyone keeps saying that no one can be as awesome as him. That's a real motivator right there.

I'll admit I laughed at some of these jokes when I first heard them three years ago. But that was it; they got old fast, since I've heard them nonstop since...


EDIT: I'm not going to spoil your fun anymore, though. I just won't read this topic.

[DragonSlayer2]

He said it all. That is why people are so into jokes about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. killing Utgar that is

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Thats why Utgar always keeps there heads down.

There are no disabled people. Only Utgar troops who have met Chuck Norris

Thats it for now.

[Pumpkin_King]

Superflynt, that post is made of Epic Win, with a side of Roffles soaked in Awesomesauce.

There is a prophecy of a man born of a Wellspring, with fists of flame and feet more powerful than the mightiest of giants. His power rivals that of the combined forces of Utgar, with Q9 thrown in for good measure. He will bring peace to Valhalla through the strength of his body, and the power of his mind. That man is not Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris did kill that man.

Chuck Norris isn't moved with an order marker. He's moved only with gratuitious amounts of begging, which he'll ignore and go and do it anyway for fun.

Chuck Norris completed the entirety of Migol's Tomb in three hours using only a bottle opener and a drywall towel.

They tried to engrave a statue of Chuck Norris to put in the halls of Jandar, but the granite wasn't tough enough for his beard.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure the Marrden Plague. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his skin.

Multiple people have committed Chuck-imposed suicide. This is when they foolishly try to attack Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Grimnak.

Chuck Norris beat Sudema in a staring contest.

[Onacara]

Chuck Norris uses the SEARCH function.

http://www.heroscapers.com/community...t=chuck+norris

http://www.heroscapers.com/community...t=chuck+norris

http://www.heroscapers.com/community...t=chuck+norris

http://www.heroscapers.com/community...t=chuck+norris

http://www.heroscapers.com/community...t=chuck+norris