The Joke Thread

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

What does a vegan zombie eat for lunch?

Spoiler Alert!

GRAAAAAAIIIINNSSS

[Heroscaper Guy]

I might be overeading this, but isn't this not a joke for a family friendly site?- Edit-joke removed.

[Rexmax2]

Originally Posted by Heroscaper Guy

I might be overeading this, but isn't this not a joke for a family friendly site?

OH! I took it in a very different way than it was intended. I will remove the joke.

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

What kind of flower is on your face?

Spoiler Alert!

tulips!

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

A pirate walks into the bar and the bartender just stares at him. There's a paper towel stuck to his forehead. The pirate walks up, slams his hand on the counter and exclaims, "I need some rum!"
Ignoring the paper towel for now, the bartender complies. After a few more rounds, the pirate's loud and obnoxious and having a great time in general.
At the request of the next round, the bartender complies once again, this time asking, "Alright, I just have to know. Are you aware there's a paper towel stuck to your forehead?"
The pirate nods and sigh dejectedly. "Aye, I've got a bounty on me head."

[Crixus33]

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Spoiler Alert!

She's a woman

[orgsbane]

So terrible, and yet I can't stop laughing! Probably from the sheer unexpectedness of the answer

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!

But the father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!"

The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild, but the bartender is clearly disapproving.

The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!" The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.

The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief.

The bartender sighs and says,

"That boy should have quit while he was a head."

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

[Crixus33]

Originally Posted by orgsbane

So terrible, and yet I can't stop laughing! Probably from the sheer unexpectedness of the answer

Another one I personally like:

Why can't Abe Lincoln drive?

Spoiler Alert!

He's dead

[Ninja Status]

Originally Posted by Crixus33

Another one I personally like:

Why can't Abe Lincoln drive?

Spoiler Alert!

He's dead

Must...Not...Laugh.... .