The Joke Thread

[SirGalahad]

Joke of the Day

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

[SirGalahad]

Joke of the Day

Things you will never hear a Southerner say:

"Duct tape won't fix that."

"We don't keep firearms in this house."

"Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?"

"You can't feed that to the dog."

"I thought Graceland was tacky."

"No kids in the back of the pick-up - it's not safe."

"Wrasslin's fake."

"Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?"

"We're vegetarians."

"Do you think my hair is too big?"

"I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy."

"Who's Richard Petty?"

"Give me the small bag of pork rinds."

"Deer heads detract from the decor."

"Spitting is such a nasty habit."

"Trim the fat off that steak."

"The tires on that truck are too big."

"Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams."

"Checkmate."

"Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?"

"Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen."

"Elvis who?"

"I think SEC football is overrated."

[marrowick]

Actually I believe that Maklar the silver prince said that he is a vegetarian and he lives in Kentucky.

[Maklar the Silver Prince]

Originally Posted by marrowick

Actually I believe that Maklar the silver prince said that he is a vegetarian and he lives in Kentucky.

Sssshhhhh. You're gonna ruin my street credit bud.

Besides, Kentucky is more "wanna-be" South than "South" South. Right?

[marrowick]

Originally Posted by Maklar the Silver Prince

Sssshhhhh. You're gonna ruin my street credit bud.

Besides, Kentucky is more "wanna-be" South than "South" South. Right?

It's below the Mason Dixon line and is on the east side of the united states. I would think it's southern but maybe not.

[cwidje]

Originally Posted by marrowick

It's below the Mason Dixon line and is on the east side of the united states. I would think it's southern but maybe not.

It's in the Tri-State Area (Illinois, Indiana, & Kentucky), which qualifies as the midwest, not the south.

[Taeblewalker]

I thought the Tri-State area was New York, New Jersey and Connecticut.

[cwidje]

Originally Posted by Taeblewalker

I thought the Tri-State area was New York, New Jersey and Connecticut.

I was unaware that east coast states acknowledged each other as relevant

[SirGalahad]

Originally Posted by Taeblewalker

I thought the Tri-State area was New York, New Jersey and Connecticut.

Nope, out here the tri-state area is California, Nevada, and Arizona.

[SirGalahad]

Joke of the Day

A man walks into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here!"

The guy, without missing a beat, says, "This is my seeing-eye dog."

"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me."

The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua.

The first guys sees him, stops him and says, "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."

The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies, "This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

The man pauses for a half-second and exclaims, "What?!? They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

[Scaperedude]

When DW7000 self-destructed next to Krug, where did Krug go?

Every where