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#13
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Re: The Joke Thread
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This is my new favorite joke |
#14
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Re: The Joke Thread
A seal walks into a bar and sits down at a table. The waitress approaches him and asks, "What'll it be?"
The seal responds, "Anything but a Canadian Club." I was famous, once... http://www.heroscapers.com/community/blog.php?b=1715 Visit my site: http://www.superflycircus.com "I'm not cute...I'll mess you up!" ~Jake The Dog |
#15
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Re: The Joke Thread
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#16
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Re: The Joke Thread
A border patrol agent is on his last day and he sees an illegal immigrant coming across the Mexican/American border. He approaches him and begins to arrest him.
"You know, this is my last day, and I don't want to do paperwork today, so I'm going to make you a deal. I'm going to go ahead and give you an English test, and if you pass, I'll pretend I didn't see you. Do you understand what I've told you?" "Si, amigo!" exclaims the immigrant. The border patrolman thinks for a moment and explains, "OK, buddy, here it is. If you can use these three words in a complete sentence, in English, then you pass and you're free to go. The three words are: Pink, Yellow, and Green." The immigrant thinks for a minute, and then, with great pride, says, "I have it, jefe. My phone, it goes green, green, green, so I pink it up and say, yellow?" I was famous, once... http://www.heroscapers.com/community/blog.php?b=1715 Visit my site: http://www.superflycircus.com "I'm not cute...I'll mess you up!" ~Jake The Dog |
#17
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Re: The Joke Thread
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the barking lot. Why did the soldier flush the toilet? It was his doody. I was famous, once... http://www.heroscapers.com/community/blog.php?b=1715 Visit my site: http://www.superflycircus.com "I'm not cute...I'll mess you up!" ~Jake The Dog |
#18
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Re: The Joke Thread
As a bartender was drying out a glass in a lightly populated bar he watched a rather drunk man stagger over to the bar counter. The man leans heavily on the bar points a finger at the bartender and gets a cocky look on his face. He says, "I bet you ten-thousand dollars I can pee in that glass all the way across the bar from the opposite wall without missing."
The bartender gladly takes the bet and they shake on it. The drunk man staggers over to the wall and begins the bet. His aim is horrendous and he pees on just about everyone and everything in the bar, but not a single drop lands in the glass. The bartender begins jumping up and down shouting, "I won ten-thousand dollars, I won ten-thousand dollars!" The man staggers back to the bar smiling and writes a check for the bartender. While he fills out the check nthe bartender couldn't help but to ask, "Why are you smiling?" The man states "Well you see that gentleman in the corner weeping. I bet him a hundred-thousand dollars I could urinate all over your bar and you would jump for joy." |
#19
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Re: The Joke Thread
How can you tell if you are at a Mezzodemon nudist colony?
Spoiler Alert!
Why is plumbing a dangerous job on Marr?
Spoiler Alert!
Evar, Siege, and Sudema were all walking down the street together when the topic of exes came up. The boys, wanting to impress, started to brag. Siege started, 'Want to know what I do with my ex? I activate CRAG OF STEEL and become a rock solid impenatrable fortress and can strike at all around me.' Scarcarver laughed, 'Want to know what I do with my ex? My FROST RAGE becomes uncontrollable and I can smash even the toughest of foes or even 2!.' The men turned towards Sudema with an air of superiorty. 'And what about you?' Sudema kept walking and replied, 'I don't have an ex. I just have one more garden statue.' |
#20
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Re: The Joke Thread
A top US sniper returned home for a break from his mission and decided to spend some time with his father. They went fishing together...
When they were out in the lake on their canoe, a flock of birds flew over them. The sniper smirked to himself, stood up, and cocked his rifle. He took aim at the flock above and fired a single shot *BANG* The flock flew by safely... The sniper looked on in disbelief and cursed, "Frag, bugger! I missed!" His father shook his head and said, "Son, you shouldn't curse. God will punish you." The sniper ignored his father and looked into the distance grumpily. Suddenly another flock of birds flew into view. He quickly brought up his weapon again and fired - two shots this time. *BANG* *BANG* The flock flew past them safely... "FRAG! BASKET! I MISSED AGAIN!" The sniper roared. His father sighed, "Son, you really shouldn't curse like that... God really will punish you." The sniper sat down angrily and pretended to continue fishing. At that moment, a third flock appeared and flew over them. This time, the sniper stood up and cocked his weapon with a resolute look on his face. He emptied his entire chamber, all his bullets loaded into them one after another in rapid succession. *BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG* Alas, still the birds flew by, and none fell from the skies. "FRAG! BASKET! I MISSSSSED!" He shouted into the skies. At this moment, dark clouds suddenly appeared and gathered directly above the canoe. In a loud flash, a bolt of lightning struck the canoe hard, causing dust and timber to splinter and fly. When the smoke cleared, the sniper was still standing, but his father had died from the lightning strike. A powerful booming voice then thundered across the lake, "FRAG! BASKET! I MISSED!" Life is short, make a deep impact before you leave. The only question at the end of the day is - Was the world a better place for having had you? |
#21
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Re: The Joke Thread
A robber has been watching a house for several days to make sure that the owners are gone. When he's absolutely certain they are gone, he breaks into their house. When he gets into the living room, he hears a loud voice say, "God is watching you!" "Who's there?" he yells while turning around. "God is watching you!" the voice says again, causing the robber to turn towards the source of the sound: a large parrot. "You're a cute bird, aren't you? What's your name, birdie?" "Edmund," the bird replies. "Edmund, who names their bird Edmund?" the robber says. "The same person who names their pit-bull God," replies the parrot.
"They are too numerous to fight. What shall we do?" "Fight anyway." "You can never defeat another if you know not how to defeat yourself." my tradelist |
#22
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Re: The Joke Thread
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#24
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Re: The Joke Thread
Three men walked into a hotel. You would think at least one of them would have seen it.
What do you get when you drop a piano into a mineshaft?
Spoiler Alert!
Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me." - John 14:6 |
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