Vydar`s betrayal part 1

[Dwarvenwarrior123]

Hey all this is somthing I have been meaning to do feedback is welcome.


“Easy kill” thought Agent Carr. He and his loyal Krav Maga had spotted their targets. Tandros Kreel and a squad of 10th regiment were followed by an earth elemental on a mission for Einar. Each general was to send a group into the swamp to see if the Marro had replenished their ranks. Now it was Einar`s turn. Vydar thought this was a good time to send the alliance on a wild goose chase. For Vydar`s plan to work, the Valkyrie generals needed proof of Marro presence in the swamps. So Vydar told Carr his plans. Carr was supposed to kill Tandros and his men. The trick was,the agent had to make it seem like Marro killed them. Carr squirmed in his hiding place between two bushes, readied his pistol, and nodded at Katie. She drew her second pistol as Chris scaled a palm tree. Jerimiah gave a short nod as he cocked his pistol.
Kreel looked toward their hiding spot, confused. “Something’s not right.” He informed a brit. Carr nodded at Chris, and whispered one word. Bam!! A redcoat crumpled on the ground. It took about two seconds for all hell to break loose. The Krav`s guns ablazing, another brit dropped to the ground, while the Earth Elemental tunneled under the ground towards Jerimiah. One of the 10th stabbed Katie in the arm, while the other took a shot at Chris. Chris fell in the bushes, but appeared fine. Kreel took out his bow and hit Chris in the foot with an arrow.
An enraged Carr leapt up and shot Kreel.Tandros had faced strong foes before, but none as strong as Carr. The agent drew his sword and sliced thourgh Tandros Kreel`s bow with a single fluid motion. Kreel rolled to the side, and drew his broadsword. He charged, but Carr disarmed him. Of course, one of Einar’s finest never gives up that easily. Kreel tackled the agent, making a grab at his gun. Carr fought back, and punched Kreel in the face. Einar’s champion took the gun, but got stuck grappling with the powerful agent. The pistol slid across the ground, landing in a tunnel created by the Elemental. KABOOOOOM! One of the Krav’s grenades went off in the background. Carr spied the broken part of a bayonet and grabbed it, plunging the blade deep into Kreel’s body.
The agent got up and looked to the battleground to see why his friends had not helped him. Jerimiah layed broken in a pile of rocks. Katie sat in a growing pool of blood. While Chris stumbled out of some bushes with a dazed look on his face, Carr told him to give Katie the healing drought. “We have work to do.”

[Robotunit197]

Sounds good, but some of the grammar is off. Great storyline though!

[bumper15]

Interesting...........................verrrrrrry interesting

[chaoserver]

I would recommend editing this so it does not suffer from wall of text syndrome- it will likely generate more comments!

[adbirk19]

Cool but has some run on sentences and misspellings. Over all good.

[elitebeatk]

I might be able to edit this, fixing some grammar and run-on sentences. Want me to?

[Dwarvenwarrior123]

Originally Posted by elitebeatk

I might be able to edit this, fixing some grammar and run-on sentences. Want me to?

Thank you that would be nice. I think part two will be up by tomorrow.

[elitebeatk]

Removed