People are Evil

I have always thought I was a fair and tolerant person.
I have always liked children, even other people’s.
I have always tried to take life’s up and downs with the least amount of stress, like a balloon on a string.

I am self-deluded.

I no longer like other people’s children.
Or other people.
Or balloons on string. That is a really stupid analogy anyway.

In the past I have welcomed friends that came over with their wee ones. I watched happily as the kids viewed our Scape investment with awe. Dragons. Robots. Weird slimy creatures. Horses Dwarves. I even let them play with the figures that were out in our permanently setup Heroscape room. I thought “great- new players in the making.”

Now this has changed forever.

There is a new house rule. DON’T TOUCH THE SCAPE. Nasty evil parents with their filthy fingered offspring. Don’t go in the Heroscape room!

Like every player who is a little obsessive compulsive I have acquired what some might call “too much Scape”. I shrug off such cretinous judgments - they don’t know. They don’t understand. Let them watch TV and play dominos. I know what a game really is. I know the joy of the hunt. I know what it feels like to be truly alive!

With a lot of Scape comes a lot of responsibility.
Translated: with a lot of Scape comes a lot of storage issues. We all sooner or later tackle the “where do I put things where I can find them quickly without dumping everything out and losing my mind”?

For Christmas my children gave me a five-drawer organizers on wheels. I have great kids. They know what a dad really needs. I will spare them when I reorganize the world.

That five-drawer organizer has now been joined by two more three-drawer units, as well as two large tubs, one large cardboard box, 7 metal tins and a castle set still in the box. As a family we have found ways to sort our Scape: there’s drawers for Einar, Jandar, Magmar, Ullar, Utgar and Vydar. The Vydar drawer is on the bottom of the five-drawer unit and it is the biggest, which is good because it has some very big dragons in it. Also we have a dwarf drawer, a Templar drawer, a drawer for horses, one for goblins, one for Marr, one for fragile warhammer customs and one for siege equipment. We have containers for bushes, for our two different forests, and a special spot for the glyph, wound and dice containers. It usually works out very well.

Until now.

Our Scape room was unguarded. Someone went in and played with the figures. They must have thought they died and went to Valhalla- all those beautiful figures. I bet they played with them on the map that was already up. It was a nice map too. Then I bet a parent came in and saw the four or five hundred figures all over the floor. Then I bet that same parent helped the child pickup. But “pickup” is too generous a word. I bet that parent helped their child to destroy an organizing system that was years in the making!

First they filled the Vydar drawer. Filled it to the top. FILLED. There were even some tiles in there! They had leftovers, of course, so they put some in every drawer. To make it look balanced perhaps. And then they left my house, smiling no doubt, false back-stabbing lying fiends pretend friends demon spawn.

We suspected nothing. We built a nice map. We decided on a four player 550 point game. Then all hell broke loose.

Who would do such a thing? Who? I’m going to find out. I’m going to go to their house while they’re not at home, and empty out every freakin’ drawer in the place. Underwear drawer, sock drawer, toothpaste, tools, forks, spoons, sewing things, wallets, keys- and then I’m going to put it all in big plastic tubs. I’ll drag those tubs out on to their front lawn and set them on fire! So they can feel how it feels! Die! Die! Die!