Spring Comes Crawling

We have made it through another winter. It wasn’t a terrible time; the snow and cold weren’t excessive. It’s just nice to be able to go outside again.

I do go outside in the winter time. This year I was busier. Somehow the older I get the busier i seem to be. It’s not a trend I’m happy about.

Here are some random winter/spring highlights:

Just after the snow melted I was driving home at night. I stopped at a red light and noticed a creature waiting by the side of the road. It was a large rat, and it was waiting for the light to change so it could cross safely. I find that disturbing.

On a warmer day I was walking to work. There was slush and mush beside but the sidewalk was clear. I was behind a larger slow moving woman who was walking in the very middle of the sidewalk. I ran out of patience, walked faster and stepped into the slush to get around her. Only my foot slipped and I fell right in front of her and then she couldn’t stop and fell on top of me. She was very shocked. I was very embarrassed. I really should learn to have more patience.

An old girlfriend reappeared briefly in my life. I guess she was looking for me. I tried to be nice as she made a play for me. I didn’t find it flattering, just kind of gross. I thought why was i ever interested in her in the first place? I’m thankful for the perspective time has given me. As I said, she appeared briefly- thankfully she took the hint and buzzed off.

My parents become more frail with each day. My father can barely walk. He spent a stretch in the hospital and my mother thought he was going to die. I can’t imagine being in their shoes. In my mind I think I’d be calm about my own approaching inevitable death. My parents certainly aren’t calm. They have a lot of strong emotions. My father gets weepy and wants everyone to love him- but we don’t. I suppose there’s love in their somewhere- it’s difficult because he’s generally a jerk. People don’t get all sweet and lovable when they get older; they’re just older versions of themselves.

My partner and I had a pregnancy scare, which was very interesting. She thinks she’s too old and she doesn’t want any more kids, especially now, when she’s looking forward to it being just us. I feel that too, but at the same time I was okay with it. It would be another adventure. She’s very sweet and my smiley reaction didn’t bother her. She’s a gem.

My friend’s old dog died. He was a nice dog, but it smacked my friend. She stopped doing anything and just thought about life. How each day is important even when you don’t think it is. It’s important to live fully because we get these minutes only once, and then they’re gone.

Dark clouds on the horizon job wise. Looks like I may get laid off again. This time I don’t care so much. Whatever. Been there, done that. It wasn’t worth getting upset about but I didn’t know that the first time around.

I wish I wrote more blogs here. But I don’t do very many anymore. I’m not that interested in what’s happening to me and what I have to say, so it’s hard to write it.

Getting older is interesting- not because it’s interesting, because it’s boring- because how you see things changes. Things that were very important no longer matter much. Only a few things are important now, and they’re all long term things that need to be worked on constantly. When you’re young it seems that life is about firecrackers- fast, flashy, loud. When you’re old you want to build towers. They take a long time, they’re a lot of work but you can see really far. Hope that makes sense....