• Welcome to the Heroscapers 2.0 site! We've still got some dust to clear and adjustments to make, including launching a new front page, but we hope you enjoy the improvements to the site. Please post your feedback and any issues you encounter in this thread.

The Joke Thread

I went to a zoo the other day, but there was only one dog in it.

Spoiler Alert!
 
Last edited:
A woman is standing naked in front of her bedroom mirror.

"I'm old, saggy, and wrinkled," she sighs.

Then she turns to her husband who is sitting in bed reading. "I could really do with you saying something nice, you know."

He looks up.

Spoiler Alert!


:D
 
Murphy's Law says that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Spoiler Alert!
 
George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.

Clooney says, "I'll direct."

DiCaprio says, "I'll act."

McConaughey says, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

:D
 
Mr. and Mrs. Jones had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business and the other was named Trouble.

One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes.

Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Playing a game,” the boy replied.

“What is your name?” the officer questioned. “Mind Your Own Business.”

Furious, the policeman inquired, “Are you looking for trouble?!”

The boy replied, “Why, yes.”

:D
 
Last edited:
Today, a 2-for-1 Happy Monday deal !!!



What happened to the man running in front of the car?

Spoiler Alert!


What happened to the man running behind the car?

Spoiler Alert!


:D
 
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.

Spoiler Alert!


:D
 
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.

Spoiler Alert!


:D
:D



I saw a sign in town the other day (genuinely) that said that anywhere was walking distance if you had enough time. Whoever wrote that has apperently never heard of oceans.
 
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.

Spoiler Alert!


:D
:rimshot:


I saw a sign in town the other day (genuinely) that said that anywhere was walking distance if you had enough time. Whoever wrote that has apperently never heard of oceans.

We're supposed to be due for the continents to smash back into each other and form a new super-continent inside 250 million years, right? You just have to have a lot of time.
 
Why do chicken coups always have two doors?

Spoiler Alert!


:D

I smiled.
Spoiler Alert!


~Aldin, sportily
 
Three guys are standing around, bragging about their families. The first guy says, "My wife and I have four kids and they're really into sports. If we have one more, then we'll have a basketball team!"

The second guy says, "That's pretty good, but I've got you beat. We have seven kids and my wife is pregnant with twins. We'll have enough kids for a baseball team!"

The third guy says, "That's very nice, but I have you both beat."

"Oh?" says the first guy. "How many kids do you have?"

"None," the third guy says.

"Then how do you have us beat," the second guy asks.

The third guy answers, "I'm Mormon and I have seventeen wives. One more, and I'll have a golf course!"
 
This is a joke that marine biologists (and possibly brain surgeons) would get.

If fish is good brain food, then seahorse is good memory food.
 
Joke of the Day

Why do blind people hate skydiving?

Spoiler Alert!

 
Joke of the Day

What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do?

Spoiler Alert!

 
Joke of the Day

My neighbors listen to Smash Mouth’s All Star a lot.
Spoiler Alert!
 
What do you call Treebeard and his wife when they have a baby?

Spoiler Alert!
 
Last edited:
For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she’s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, “I’m here to give you super sex.”

After thinking for a minute the old man replies,

Spoiler Alert!


:)
 
What does a nosy pepper do?

Spoiler Alert!


:D
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Back
Top