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Old November 5th, 2012, 12:46 AM
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Valhalla:After the End (11/22/14 Rewriting and Rebooting)

Hello all. It's been more than a year since I've dared to return to Heroscapers, but here I am, and so I will stay. I'm excited to get back to work writing this story, as I'm proud of what I've written so far and I want to share more with you all.

I would like to note that this is a dark fic. There will be lighthearted moments, but ultimately, I'm not going to hold my punches, and I will be exploring topics that Heroscape fan-fics may not usually cover.

Background
Here is some of the background information for the story. While everything here will ultimately be mentioned or discussed in context, you may want to refer here if you don't understand a particular plot point.
Spoiler Alert!



Here goes nothing.

Contents

Prolouge-En Media Res*
Chapter 1-A Day in the Life*
Chapter 2-Peace Council*
Chapter 3-War Party*
Chapter 4-City Life*
Chapter 5- The Other Side*

(* Indicates undergoing rewrite)

Prolouge-En Media Res
Spoiler Alert!

Last edited by machinekng; November 23rd, 2014 at 02:47 AM. Reason: Reboot
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  #2  
Old November 5th, 2012, 07:59 PM
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

Ah... a new twist. Never seen a fan fiction like this before, I think you might have something here. Great work, I only saw two or three grammar mistakes. (I have something of a reputation as a grammar fanatic, don't worry.) I look forward to the next chapter. Who would have thought that the war would end from within, and not from Utgar? Or are perhaps the rebels under his control?

Also, if you're just testing this out, probably the absolute best thing you could do is check out the fan fiction competition. It is perfect for new people checking this nook of the forum out. Be sure to read the OP.

~TGRF.

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  #3  
Old November 5th, 2012, 09:10 PM
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend View Post
Ah... a new twist. Never seen a fan fiction like this before, I think you might have something here. Great work, I only saw two or three grammar mistakes. (I have something of a reputation as a grammar fanatic, don't worry.) I look forward to the next chapter. Who would have thought that the war would end from within, and not from Utgar? Or are perhaps the rebels under his control?

Also, if you're just testing this out, probably the absolute best thing you could do is check out the fan fiction competition. It is perfect for new people checking this nook of the forum out. Be sure to read the OP.

~TGRF.
Thank you.

Just to clarify a few points (kinda spoilers, but they'll be included in the next couple of chapters):

1. Utgar is dead. Deceased. A 100%, bona fide, medically confirmed corspe. The story begins 4 A.V.U. (After the Victory over Utgar). Valkrill however, is still at large, and is fighting a guerilla war in the eastern provinces of Jutengard and Elswin. So are Cyprien and several other Utgar commanders, who are mainly fighting in Elswin and the Upper Bleakewoode. Other commanders have surrrender or defected. Sir Hawthorne, for example, defected to Jandar, and the Deathwalkers and Zettians have gone over to Vydar.

2. Vydar, following the ascension of Valkrill, betrayed the alliance, making a new alliance with Utgar. When the balance shifted back towards the Alliance, he betrayed Utgar again. Although the Alliance has refused to acknowledge him as an ally, they tolerate him enough as to not dismember his realm of Anund, as they have done with Utgar's Aunstrom.

3. The marro had seceded from Utgar, and after a brutal civil war, have established an empire that covers the western Ticalla Jungle and the Volcarren. Like Vydar, they have not been recognized as an enemy or an ally, and although there is still a "border dispute" with them and Aquilla's people, the Alliance has made no declaration of war against them.

That covers the political backstory. Individual character backstories should be covered throughout the fic.
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Old November 6th, 2012, 01:24 AM
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He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

I see. This promises to be better than I thought. But I believe Utgar was based in the Volcarren, wasn't he...?
~TGRF.

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Old November 6th, 2012, 01:29 AM
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend View Post
I see. This promises to be better than I thought. But I believe Utgar was based in the Volcarren, wasn't he...?
~TGRF.
I looked through the compendium, and it's non-conclusive. The compedium says that he controled the region, and at least on of his wellsprings was hidden there, but its unclear were his HQ was. Aunstrom makes the most sense to me as its mountainous, and Utgar recruited his minons from the Mountains of Kyriean, which, like his HQ, have no definite location.
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Old November 6th, 2012, 07:14 PM
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He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

Quote:
Originally Posted by machinekng View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend View Post
I see. This promises to be better than I thought. But I believe Utgar was based in the Volcarren, wasn't he...?
~TGRF.
I looked through the compendium, and it's non-conclusive. The compedium says that he controled the region, and at least on of his wellsprings was hidden there, but its unclear were his HQ was. Aunstrom makes the most sense to me as its mountainous, and Utgar recruited his minons from the Mountains of Kyriean, which, like his HQ, have no definite location.
Hmm. I need to read the compendium more. Where did I here that? Ah well, someone once told me in a comment on my first fan fiction, it's your fiction, the background can be whatever you want it to be. Quite true. At any event, eagerly awaiting chapter two!
~TGRF.

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Old November 8th, 2012, 10:42 PM
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

OOC: Just to be clear, the events in the prolouge happen later in the story, hence the heading "en media res."

Chapter 1-A Day in the Life
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Last edited by machinekng; November 9th, 2012 at 08:29 PM. Reason: Minor revision, and added spoiler tags.
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Old November 9th, 2012, 01:25 AM
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

Ah, excellent! Sentence number one: Great writer alert. Speaking of the demonic alarm clock... did you just use the same adjective or is the alarm clock actually possessed? Rather confused there. If it isn't possessed, I might suggest differing adjectives, instead of repeating the same one. It can give a sense of repetitiveness to your writing.
The only other thing that jumped out at me were minor word mix ups. A few small words (of, the) were occasionally left out of a sentence by mistake. The first sentence of the second paragraph also says that he weaved his through the halls.
Other than that, a most excellent chapter. Keep them coming!
~TGRF.
P.S. Don't worry about the criticism. I do it to all the fan fiction I read.

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Old November 9th, 2012, 08:26 PM
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend View Post
Ah, excellent! Sentence number one: Great writer alert. Speaking of the demonic alarm clock... did you just use the same adjective or is the alarm clock actually possessed? Rather confused there. If it isn't possessed, I might suggest differing adjectives, instead of repeating the same one. It can give a sense of repetitiveness to your writing.
The only other thing that jumped out at me were minor word mix ups. A few small words (of, the) were occasionally left out of a sentence by mistake. The first sentence of the second paragraph also says that he weaved his through the halls.
Other than that, a most excellent chapter. Keep them coming!
~TGRF.
P.S. Don't worry about the criticism. I do it to all the fan fiction I read.
No the alarm clock isn't actually possesed, just personification. I didn't see where I repeated the adjective, but I revised the chapter a bit.

Thanks for your critique. I really need to proofread more often.

Chapter 2-Peace Council
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  #10  
Old November 10th, 2012, 01:21 AM
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

Right then, the grammar's a lot better. Just my opinion here, but I find all the government regulations, the breaking down of things into 'officialities,' the names of places, factions, I find it all a little... 'deheroscaping.' Don't get me wrong. I think you're doing a great job. It's just that the officialness in a fiction about a board game... it doesn't go together. Not that you should change it or anything, I can see how it could be a crucial point in the story. It's just my take on it.
Eagerly waiting for the next chapter!
~TGRF.

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Old November 10th, 2012, 01:24 AM
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend View Post
Right then, the grammar's a lot better. Just my opinion here, but I find all the government regulations, the breaking down of things into 'officialities,' the names of places, factions, I find it all a little... 'deheroscaping.' Don't get me wrong. I think you're doing a great job. It's just that the officialness in a fiction about a board game... it doesn't go together. Not that you should change it or anything, I can see how it could be a crucial point in the story. It's just my take on it.
Eagerly waiting for the next chapter!
~TGRF.
Well, in a way, it's not really just heroscape, is it? Heroscape is about when you have all these characters and warriors from different worlds duke it out. This story is more about the aftermath. Now that the game's over, what happens?
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Old November 12th, 2012, 12:05 AM
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Re: Valhalla:After the End

Cool story, I can't wait to read more! Are you going to tell us more about how Utgar was killed? I'm surprized that Ullar dealt the final blow.
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