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Old February 25th, 2011, 07:56 PM
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The Company of Adder (Story of Slink)

A young snake slithered through the only clear water in the Ashen Mere. A large goshawk upon seeing it crouched. Then with hardly a sound it dropped off the branch from which it perched. It dove straight down and snatched up the young snake, but then suddenly it no longer held a marsh snake in its talons; it now held a large boa constrictor. It and the snake dropped like rocks to the marshy ground. Instantly, the hawk was caught up in its coils and crushed. The boa constrictor then transformed into a young boy who picked up the remains and carried them off into the tangled low hanging vines of the surrounding trees.

The boy entered the village and crawled into his family’s hut. To any other eyes there would be nothing but other swamp there. They would have no idea that almost every single tree for a square mile was actually the entrance to a naga dwelling. Spells and enchantments guarded them against flooding, and it helped that they were on raised ground. If the swamp was threatened the opposing force could very well be dead before ever realizing it. If the enemies were here in force it would be a simple matter of turning into a dust brown snake (a very small very poisonous brown tropical snake) and poison the food supply. Anyone else would instantly find themselves surrounded by thousands of Naga who seemingly materialized out of nowhere.
It was here that Slink lived with his father and mother. He was privileged to be the chieftain's son but the swamps were their home. Each naga owned no more than their dwelling and a few other furnishings as well as weapons. Otherwise the land belonged to everyone. The naga were a peaceful folk. Despite the vicious forms they could take. They loved festivals and being together and exploring the far reaches of their domain. However, if threatened the naga would become a formidable force. They were plenty amiable during times of peace. They built their strength climbing trees and playing at sports, but in war there would be no more climbing, no more sports. The naga would retaliate as quickly as a snake can strike and more often then not succeeded in returning to their peaceful life after a few short days of fighting. They had no black smiths whatsoever so the steel weapons they possessed were stolen or bartered for. The one major advantage they had was the fact that the swamp was full of chemicals that could be used to make explosives or even act as gunpowder. The naga knew nothing of guns but they had hand grenades in plenty as well as networks throughout their swamps. All the chieftain had to do was to light a certain strand and completely ignoring the wetness around it the little flame would race through the swamp and in a matter of seconds it would detonate the chemicals at the desired location. Better to lose a few trees then their lives. Besides, the naga would have no problem using their nature magic to restore it.

Slink's mother glanced up from her sewing as he entered. His mother was fair as naga go. Her skin was not the color of peach but much darker with that hint of green and black that all the naga had. It helped them blend with the background. Long black hair hung in slight curls around a fair face. Like all naga hair and skin, hers had a slight oily feel and look to it though it smelled constantly of perfume (another advantage of lots of chemicals).
"How did your hunting go?"
"Very well mother. Look, I brought you a goshawk.I know how much you and father like hawk feathers."
"Yes, it is very good for ornaments." One hung from her hair in fact as she spoke, adding a certain look of wild beauty to the young female naga.
"Especially during ceremonies."
His mother smiled, "You got it. Set it there on the table and go wash the grime off your face before your father returns from his hunting trip."
"Yes mother." Slink moved to the back of the dwelling. He opened a small holein the orb that held the water with his finger and washed himself. He then went to his room and sat on the bed. He was twelve years old, and learning quickly the way of survival in the forbidding swamp that the naga clans had come to call home. He hunted, practiced with his double knives, sword, and bow everyday and when he was finished with that he would run to find his friend Keisha and they would run off through the swamp turning somersaults and going swimming. Sometimes they would hunt together and other times they would race to see who could get to the top of a tree first. Then they would race through the upper branches like squirrels disrupting as many nests as they could. That is all except for the owls. No onenot even snakes messed with the owls.
His father, Norrid, had much work to do leading his tribe. Sometimes there would be short wars and other times there were large full clan ceremonies, and all too often he was off at some boring meeting with the other chiefs.
He wished his father would stick around for at least a month sometime. It was a false hope as his father would never be capable of such a miracle. The duties of chief were too many. The only times he really had to himself were at night with his wife. They would stay up and talk all night. The other time is when he is wooing, marryingand on the naga version of a honeymoon in which the new couple runs of into the swamp. They run deep, deep, deep into the swamp, and as his parents had told him with sly smiles and a silent message between them, do "who knows what." What this literally meant is what it says. The new couple would often do much the same that Slink and Keisha had been doing; just much more energetic and skillful. That is to say racing, climbing trees, hunting etc. But it's really up to them.
The naga are a close knit society. In the evenings the women would work alone, but in the afternoons and late mornings they would come together in a massive gathering and show off their work, gossip, and boast about the prowess of their husbands or sons. In the case of daughters, how light and fast and beautiful they were. It was all in good fun and fights never broke out.
The men would often spend much of the day hunting, patrolling the borders, or holding sporting matches with men from other tribes. They never tired of it.
When a boy became sixteen he was permitted to join these games. In fact when anaga became sixteen he was no longer counted as a boy but as a man. Each year on the Summer Solstice everyone would gather together. Boys would become men if they were of age. Then they would join in sports and festivities. Women were welcome at this festival as well and could join in some sports but for the most part those that were of age stood by and watched the new men. This is a crucial part of their culture because it is essentially the "show off" period in which women first take interest in the men.
The girl naga would come to the guy naga not the other way around. Some girls were picky but would want to grab the best they could. For this reason they wouldn't wait too long to pick. The festival would last for two full weeks and at the end of it if she decides she likes the man she goes with him to his clan. If they are from the same clan then they return there. They live with their parents until they decide to marry and in the mean time the guy finds a tree and starts digging.
If the girl has to leave her clan then there is another big ceremony taking her into the man's clan and then she stays with a host from his clan while he builds the new dwelling. They are not permitted by custom to live together even in his families dwelling until after their "honeymoon."
So there is generally a big mumbo jumbo of rules, customs, and traditions. One would think that people couldn't thrive under so many customs but the naga managed it and lived quite peacefully and in harmony. In fact there were no divorces, no break ups, and no fights among the naga. No real fights but wrestling and fighting for sport was allowed.
Right in the middle of it all was Slink, heir to be chief of the Ashen Mere tribe, and wondering what was going on outside the swamp.

To be continued...


If any material in this thread is considered inappropriate or much too intense please notify me immediately by PM. Thank You.

In progress fan fic; Kaia Vendetta

Slink's story can be found here.

Last edited by Elven Lord; November 13th, 2011 at 08:05 PM.
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  #2  
Old February 25th, 2011, 09:53 PM
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

Looks pretty cool. I can't really see anything that would be considered inappropriate. I like the story.
However, you may wan't to integrate a few comma's. It would make the writing a bit more smooth and fluid. Otherwise, nice work.

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  #3  
Old February 25th, 2011, 10:06 PM
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Elven Lord Elven Lord is offline
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

Hey thanks. I did go over it and edit it. I never was much for comas, except of course for that time when my English teacher freaked out over us having to many errors in our work and proceeded to whip us into shape. Since then it's gone kinda down hill. I guess commas are one of those all important things that constantly have to be refreshed in your memory.

I tried with the first post to develop the naga as a whole; their culture, customs what they spent their lives doing, and interaction between male and female if expressed correctly has a very profound affect on the the development. In fact discluding it would kind of be like leaving a gaping hole in the description.

In progress fan fic; Kaia Vendetta

Slink's story can be found here.
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  #4  
Old February 25th, 2011, 11:45 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elven Lord View Post
Hey thanks. I did go over it and edit it. I never was much for comas, except of course for that time when my English teacher freaked out over us having to many errors in our work and proceeded to whip us into shape. Since then it's gone kinda down hill. I guess commas are one of those all important things that constantly have to be refreshed in your memory.

I tried with the first post to develop the naga as a whole; their culture, customs what they spent their lives doing, and interaction between male and female if expressed correctly has a very profound affect on the the development. In fact discluding it would kind of be like leaving a gaping hole in the description.
That's odd. I over-use them.

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  #5  
Old February 26th, 2011, 07:42 AM
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

It's just a matter of who is using them. EL under-uses, TGRF over-uses them, and I use them just right.

Nice story, though.

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  #6  
Old February 26th, 2011, 08:08 AM
bumper15 bumper15 is offline
 
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

Wait a minute! I'm not so sure of that last comma OB!

Nice, story Elven Lord, the Snakes (Sorry force of habit) culture is extremely interesting and yet surprisingly peaceful, no society I know of has this peaceful of a society. Slink is very lucky.

P.S. I'm with GRF, I over-use my com,mas.
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  #7  
Old February 26th, 2011, 06:23 PM
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Elven Lord Elven Lord is offline
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

lol. I read the first six words of the second paragraph, and was like, "Wait what?"

In progress fan fic; Kaia Vendetta

Slink's story can be found here.
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  #8  
Old February 26th, 2011, 07:14 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elven Lord View Post
lol. I read the first six words of the second paragraph, and was like, "Wait what?"
Yes, EL, little did you know that by creating a story, you would create a debate on commas. (Sorry, not a debate.)

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  #9  
Old February 26th, 2011, 10:11 PM
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Elven Lord Elven Lord is offline
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

I don't know where all the bold commas come from but either they aren't showing up in the edit box or my eyes are too blurry to notice.

In progress fan fic; Kaia Vendetta

Slink's story can be found here.
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  #10  
Old March 1st, 2011, 08:14 PM
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Elven Lord Elven Lord is offline
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

Slink and Keisha dashed through their wetland home, their feet sending up sprays of displaced water, and laughter issuing from their throats. Slink dashed up a tree trunk his whip thin body moving easily through the close branches. He wrapped his legs around a low lying branch and caught Keisha’s outstretched hands. Her momentum carried her up into the air. She did a full flip and landed easily on a higher branch. The two friends climbed higher and higher into the tree. Keisha lithe and surefooted as a cat snaked up the tree as high as she could go without loosing a secure bough to rest on. Slink only slightly slower than his friend, got up a couple of seconds later to sit with her. They stared out across the open plain outside their home.
The wind dashed across the long green grass. A few cattle grazed on the gentle slope, their tales swaying with the breeze. It was funny. Any adult who saw the two beautiful fourteen year olds would have out of hand decided that they were up there thinking only about each other. The fact that they weren’t holding hands could only mean that they felt awkward about telling each other how they felt. They couldn’t be farther from being right. In fact the two young naga were not thinking of each other. They had no reason to hold on to each other for the wind was a gentle wind, and the sky held no threat of a storm. No they were feeling the wind in their faces and in their hair, feeling the smooth bark beneath their hands, and gazing across the beautiful windswept plain. That was how it was and should be with the two young naga.
Slink now turned to Keisha and said, “Have you ever wondered what’s out there?”
Keisha seemed to snap out of a daze, “What’s that? Oh yes…”
“I want to see it.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“You’ve heard what the elders have said about all the horrible things that plague the world of men.”
“Yeah I’ve heard it, but it all seems like a bunch of fairytales and –“
“Slink don’t be mindless! You’re going to be chief some day—“
“—and as such I should know how best to defend my tribe!”
“I don’t want you to be infected with what man has been infected with! We are happy here! If you leave and come into contact with mans hatred then return to us it will spread here as well! We have always been a peaceful people. We’ve never needed to know what is out there because we have what we need here!”
“I don’t know what could all that bad.” Slink persisted.
“Look me in the eyes Slink.”
He did. They were beautiful eyes. They were milky and brown.
“Slink, promise me you will never go out there unless absolutely necessary.”
“I can’t do that!”
“Slink! You want to know what’s out there!?”
“Yes!” He said with an exasperated sigh, “Finally you get it!”
She was serious now, “There’s greed out there, Slink. Greed born of having more than what you need at hand and wanting all of it because suddenly it makes you feel better about yourself. There’s lust out there, Slink. Insatiable lust that has left trails of broken hearts, and broken women. There is the presence of jealousy which is a symptom of greed. Jealousy that destroys friends because of a shiny object! Slink! Listen to me!”
Slink’s gaze fell. He knew she was right. The world of men was overrun with hatred, but he couldn’t help feeling curious. He decided to try distracting her.
“Look Keisha. The spring calves are pl—“
“You’re deviating from the topic at hand! Slink promise me?”
Slink felt a warm touch and looked down to see her hand resting on his. He took it cradling it with care. He heaved a deep sigh then said, “Alright Keisha. I promise.”
They climbed down the tree jumped into the clear water part of the mere and went for a swim.

In progress fan fic; Kaia Vendetta

Slink's story can be found here.

Last edited by Elven Lord; April 28th, 2011 at 04:44 PM.
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  #11  
Old March 3rd, 2011, 05:16 PM
bumper15 bumper15 is offline
 
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

It would be good for Slink to see the outside world, it would teach him how not to rule his nation.

Excellent post!!
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  #12  
Old March 3rd, 2011, 07:45 PM
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Elven Lord Elven Lord is offline
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Re: The Tribe of the Ashen Mere Swamps (Story of Slink)

Thanks. I guess now I'm kind of showing two sides of the rationality standards here. So it's like he is of good reasoning because he knows he must lead his tribe some day. She is of good reasoning because the other chiefs have not needed to leave the Ashen Mere to rule well, and she is afraid for her people and her best friend. That they will be infected with the plague amongst men that is far worse than the bubonic plague.

In progress fan fic; Kaia Vendetta

Slink's story can be found here.
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