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  #25  
Old May 13th, 2022, 05:55 PM
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post
It'll take so long to read and review all the fics even OREO will have finished his power ranking Unit Descriptions before I'm through.
Lmao you really tried to sneak that through didn't you...

Last edited by OEAO; May 13th, 2022 at 05:55 PM. Reason: Don't count on it...
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  #26  
Old May 13th, 2022, 08:02 PM
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

Quote:
Originally Posted by OEAO
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan
It'll take so long to read and review all the fics even OREO will have finished his power ranking Unit Descriptions before I'm through.
Lmao you really tried to sneak that through didn't you...


Er, well, ...

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #27  
Old May 18th, 2022, 09:59 PM
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h


From the pages of TAF's journal:

Quote:
Day 5 of reading johnny139's One-Off Fan-Fics.

I'm almost one-third of the way through now. But the road never seems to end. Pages come and go. Each short story comes and goes. I read as many of them as I can without checking the thread's pages, but there's always more.

Why did I agree to do this? Who's holding me accountable to see this to the bitter end? If I just pretended to read the whole thing would anyone really be able to call me out on it? Will I ever upload on my thread again? What does Johnny139 have against the Venoc Vipers? And why has a thread this long not been rated already?


Day 14:
The short stories have nothing in common with each other. There's no continuity to get attached to. There's just more... short stories. But what if that changes? I can't give this fiction a fair rating without knowing everything that happens.

But the stories are getting longer. And I ran out of water on Day 12. Good thing there's still booze left. In fact, there's more booze here than in the Bleakewoode forest (get it with the shades heheheh)


Day 20:
Maybe I can just review a short story in the meantime, to quench my readers. Yeah, I'll just do that.

Journey of the Elves. It'll quench ya. Nothing's quenchier. It's the quenchiest.

#11: Journey of the Elves by Horde Lorde

Journey of the Elves is a short unfinished story about two of the elven wizards on a dangerous trek through the tundra, tracking a party of orcs.

We open with the following prologue:

Quote:
Prologue: Fire

Fire. An almighty force of destruction. You can smell it, hear it, feel it. Shooting fire from your fingertips is not a gift, it is a curse. Fire cannot heal nor can it help. Fire can only destroy, it cannot help a friend only harm him. The destructive force of fire is overwhelming; it spreads so quickly it is nearly impossible to stop. Control over fire is not a gift, it is a curse.
Despite sounding like primordial serpent propaganda, this does raise a lot of good points in Elven culture. Reading it I can assume that the protagonist was gonna be Chardris or Jorhdawn, probably Chardris because he was the first fire mage between the two. Elves love their forests and their delicate nature balance, and fire seems staunchly opposed to that. When have you ever seen an open flame in an elven village, be it in Lord of the Rings or any other fantasy medium? Fire represents destruction to them, and seems far more like an orcish thing. What can an elf cursed with fire magic do in such a society? What place could one have outside of being an outcast and a danger? And with no one to guide such an elf how could Chardris ever learn to prove his culture wrong? How can he master his flames alone in such a world and prove his worth? And yet as far as the Heroscape lore goes this is exactly what Chardris did, mastering his flame magic into a concentrated, controlled form and earning his place not just in Feylund society but among the nine greatest wizards. And in doing so he was able to guide his daughter Jorhdawn so she didn't have to do the same alone.



Of course none of this has anything to do with the rest of the story.



OK anyway Chardris and Arkmer are in the snows tracking the orcs. They end up being captured by an orc army and are taken prisoner. The orcs don't kill the elves and take them to their leader... Nerak! And what's more is that Chardris has a personal history with Nerak!

Quote:
Chapter 4: Nerak

"Ah. So you heard of me," Nerak's guttural voice gives me chills.

"How could I forget? You destroyed my village when I was a child." I say with a hint of hatred in my voice.

Nerak looks up and smiles evilly, "Ah, yes. Good times."


Wait how'd Nerak get on Feylund and how old could he be to destroy Chardris' home when he was a mere child? Ah whatever it was probably Ulrick somehow.

Anyway Nerak says that he'll spare them if they help him dismantle a barrier around the orc camp. The barrier will only let magical creatures like the elves through, hence the need for the wizards to do it since the orcs can't.

Despite knowing the risks and that it'll help his mortal enemy, Chardris agrees to the plan...


...that's it. Chapter 5: The Barrier, has been in a state of Coming Soon since 2010. Where this was going I have no idea.

I'm gonna give this a 5. I was gonna give it a very generous 6 but upon reflection I really don't see why I would. Maybe the fancy font was getting to me. It's well-written enough and has a promising Prologue that seems to foreshadow some character for Chardris as a fire mage among tree-lovers. But whatever that would be we never get to see it in the four chapters we got. Chardris himself has little character as a POV, with Arkmer being the only other character of note. He's serviceable enough. And it has a villain, and some mystery surrounding this barrier around their camp. But where it was going I got no clue. And it's about as long as a single one of Johnny's short stories. I have very little to say about it.

...

It's the quenchiest.

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #28  
Old May 18th, 2022, 11:04 PM
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

I do applaud your effort to stick with it. I certainly wouldn't have lasted this long. You're doing some good - if drunken - work here, keeping the fiction forum alive. Keep it up!

~TGRF, who admits he looks forward to every new post.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #29  
Old May 23rd, 2022, 04:00 AM
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

OK, welcome back to Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated and Unranked Fiction on Here. After soldiering through all 21 pages of our first story's thread, we are finally back and good to give you guys some more reviews. So let's get this sucker started.

This review is brought to you by Strongbow Cider, nectar of life and only hard cider approved by Sir Patrick Steward (at least before his sponsorship was dropped and his knighthood was revoked because of Star Trek: Picard)

#10: johnny139's One-Off Fan-Fics by johnny139

Johnny139 brings us a collection of short one-off stories about whichever and whatever character doing whatever for half a page. I imagine they were done pretty off-the-cuff due to Johnny taking requests from readers for which character they wanted to see next, kind of like TGIF's Personal Challenge series (which we will get to), only he would actually do them.

Now for some reason these stories were given an order in a timeline, though they are still presented out of that order and aren't related to each other and there's no real continuity between them that I could find. Nonetheless since Johnny thought it was worth including I will also be giving you the KW listed for each story, just so you know when they take place during the war:

Quote:
Here you go! KW 0 is when the Wellsprings were found, and 5 Kyrie Years = 1 Earth Year.
So since our first story is KW (Kyrie War, maybe?) 23, that divided by 5 kyrie years means it is 4 real years, and half a... seven or eight months... four and a half years into the battle of all time™... right?


Anyway, there's a million of these so we'd better get started. If we don't want this post to be a year long we're gonna hafta burn through these faster than I burnt through my parent's wallet during the Yae Miko banner.


A Gunslinger's Tale KW23 (James Murphy): James Murphy and Johnny Shotgun have a battle and shoot each other. Murphy wins. Next.

(yes that is all I have to say)


On Wings of Steel KW24 (Kozuke Samurai): The Kozuke Samurai ambush and kill a bunch of Venoc Vipers.

Also take a shot every time Johnny139 abuses the Viper faction, it's the closest thing to a recurring theme or concrete continuity we're gonna find here.



A Name KW14 (Krav Maga): A Krav Maga Agent kills Grimnak and his dinosaur Grimnak.


The Viper's Nest KW11 (Venoc Warlord): The Warlord and his viper army are shacked up with some Aubriens and Acolarh. The elves speak to each other in elvish, so we get to see one of my favorite things in fan-fiction: how they handle the made up languages:

Quote:
Acolarh walked up to the tree and shouted up in Aubrien. “Eid ehcrel tgnis. Acolarh tsi reih.”

An archer poked his head out of the trees highest branches. “Acolarh!” He called down, “Eiw dnis eis, niem dnuerf neseweg? Muraw dnis eis rieh?”

“Nief, eknad. Eniem dnuerf reih negitoneb ztuhcs. Negom riw nemmokniere?”
Just try reading it aloud. How do you pronounce "ztuhcs"?

Anyway they are attacked that night by a mysterious enemy: their own Elite Onyx Vipers turned against them!

Quote:
Running to the barracks, he saw the threat. The Elite Onyx Vipers.

Aubriens had been shooting at them, but it did not affect them. Dozens of dead Vipers lay on the ground, fire burning all around them.


The Warlord is then forced to kill his own men in order to quell the effect:

Quote:
Claws and bites riddled the Elite Onyx Viper’s bodies as they fought back the best they could. But it was too much. Ne-Gok-Sa severed his tie to them as they breathed their last breath.



The Kyrie's Collesium KW6 (Minions of Utgar): A young Kyrien named Kapired duels the chief of his clan to become the leader. He is defeated but then Kapired kills him as he turns to leave.


March of the Machines KW8 (Major Q9): Okay, this one hurts my brain. Q9 and X17 are on a team. We are introduced to the duo with the following passage:

Quote:
Intricate combinations were weaved by the duo, from X17 holding back the Venoc Warlord while the Queglix Gun took down the Vipers to X17 blocking a highly congested path to allow Blastatrons to gun down the backup.


Uh, so the Vydar Soulborgs are tracking the Utgar Soulborgs through the jungle. And they find some Swog Riders that are with the Deathwalker party. So X17 kills the Orc, then finds a bunch of scraps with Utgar symbols on them. So he concludes that the Orc must've killed all the Deathwalkers, and they leave. And then Deathwalker 9000 goes and finds the dead Swog and some parts with Vydar symbols and so he reaches the same conclusion but in reverse and leaves... and... I don't understand. I guess the Orc went nuts and killed some Deathwalkers and then some Vydar bots and they both missed the memo and assumed the other destroyed and left. But what's the point? Just a misunderstanding? Are we supposed to be happy that both units survived to fight another day? Is it saying something about the, uh, futility of war? Or a statement on PTSD , how an Orc can only take so much of the blood and death and explosions and arrows before he just snaps. Or maybe it's a


A Knife In The Back Parts 1-3 KW17 (Sir Hawthorne): In these stories, Sir Hawthorne betrays Utgar to Ullar, so Ornac and a bunch of Orcs are sent to get him. But when they arrive all the Ullar folk are already destroyed!


Quote:
Jutanguard’s border had been breached. Dead vipers were the only thing that could be seen for miles, other than a colossal forest-fire spreading beyond the limits of sight. But who could have done it?


So Hawthorne has betrayed Ullar for Einar. He duels Ornac and wounds him as the Roman Legion appears. However Hawthorne suddenly kills the Roman general and declares himself for Jandar. What is that three betrayals in a day? Someone needs to get this guy a Lucky 20-Sider Glyph.


Hawthorne kills Ornac but betrays the Jandarians and basically kills everyone before returning to Utgar to swear his allegiance. He didn't kill the Minions who fled the battle, so I don't know how long he can keep this charade up but, eh, this has gone on long enough.


Jinjiro KW40 (Ninjas of the Northern Wind): We get a long history lesson about various samurai and daimyos who as far as I can discern have nothing to do with Jinjiro the ninja.


By Thor's Hammer KW19 (Valguard): Valguard kills some dudes, feels feelings for Kelda as she heals someone. But he gets over it and clonks her on the head. The end.


Absinthe Ending KW15 (CoN): Curse of Ne-Gok-Sa lore. You had to be there.


The Eve of Demons (Sudema): A young elf named Klohas wanders around Feylund on the Eve of Demons (Halloween). He encounters Khosumet and some wolves and runs for it, stumbling across an ancient witch who turns out to be Sudema. But this one's pretty good so I won't spoil the ending.


A New Home KW70 (Dund): The Marro have taken over Valhalla and they force Dund to fight some Marrden Hounds in their arena. To everyone's surprise, the Doggin manages to defeat them all, enraging Ne-Gok-Sa.


This one's pretty good too.


The Great Dragon Wars KW7 (Charos): Saylind complains about having to take care of an ungrateful Charos, but when Braxas attacks the seemingly lazy dragon chases her off and saves the kyrie.


Heroscape AF: This is different from the others, based on Johnny's comments. So, not a One-Off Fan Fic, a completely different thing in the middle of the thread.

So, there's just another fanfic? Okay, okay, go back


#10: Heroscape AF by johnny139

We are introduced to Johnny Sullivan and James Murphy together in a cell, locked up in Ne-Gok-Sa's twisted dungeons. The conditions are terribly cruel, as we are told:

Quote:
Bloody corpses still sat, decaying beside whatever being ended their pain. Women were paired with men, in the same cell, and at times unholy crossbreeds of strange creatures were born with no help from the “guards”
I don't like children either Johnny139 but that's no reason to call them monsters. It's just nature.

We don't get a next part but rather a new fiction called Jimmy. Jimmy? Aw, dammit—


#10: Jimmy by johnny139

A small Kansas boy named Robert Jr. is out late and comes home to his drunken dad who threatens to beat him. We are told that he misses school the next day.


That is all we get, so that was a weird detour.

Anyhow, back to our regularly scheduled programming:


#10: johnny139's One-Off Fan-Fics by johnny139

A Valkyrie's Word KW17 (Shades of Bleakewoode): A Jandar outpost in Bleakewoode goes to hell after Concan is possessed by a shade and attacks Raelin and the Sentinels.


The Spiritual Journey of Wu-Cheng Parts 1-3 KW29 (Shaolin Monks): A monk travels to a special temple where the Shaolin live and tries to join their order, though he fails. Part 3 was never uploaded.


The Battle for the Runif Lleeh KW21 (Einar Imperium): We go back to the Kyrien Mountain arena from the last Utgarian Kyrie story. This time though the party is crashed by a horde of Einar Imperium. We are told that the Imperium kill not just the kyrie men, but the kyrie women, and the kyrie children too. They're like animals, and they slaughtered them like animals. They hate them!


Lucky KW16 (Deadeye Dan): Deadeye Dan is sniping at some Microcorps while some guy named Azeral Darknight (OC please do not steal) sneaks up on the cowboy. Dan, Darknight, and the Microcorp all reflect on their pasts as the encounters goes. Finally Darknight gets the jump on Dan, only to have his gun jam.

This one's got a lot of character and a clever ending, so it gets MVP of all of these:



Search! KW15 (Crixus): Crixus and Retairius go to a haunted castle looking for Spartacus. They find him but he tells them to leave, and we discover that the gladiator leader has been mindshackled by Kee-Mo-Shi!


The Good, The Bad, and the Stout KW20 (Krug): Krug attacks a castle held by the viking brothers, nearly killing Eldgrim in the process.

A lot of the text is spent informing us about how drunk the vikings are:

Quote:
Often drunk, they were laughed at by the Knights of Weston, and Finn’s rival Sir Denrick was often the first to criticize them. However, they were usually too drunk to care.
I feel ya bruther! I'll drink to that!


Erland's Wish MA861 (Saylind): We learn about Saylind's mentor Erland. But then he is killed. However his teachings will live on in her summoning skills. But only 55% of the time.


A Dream, A Wish, A Prayer Part 1 KW14 (Christmas): Several different species in different Generals' keeps all celebrate their respective winter holidays. Even grumpy ol' Utgar calls off his planned attacks until the next day. There's no part two.


Untitled (Blastatron): A Vydar Soulborg named N592 develops feelings and decides to become a pacifist, getting deliberately stationed in a remote post where there won't be a chance of fighting. Strangely Johnny139 was accused of plagiarizing Q10's story, which wow this is old if Q10 isn't even out yet. And also it's not like robots with feelings is a unique concept.


Untitled (Warrior of Ashra): A rogue Warrior of Ashra named Séreméla Singollo duels against a Viper and who am I kidding you know what happens


A later story in the thread has the WoA encounter a samurai who defeats her in battle but then saves her from an attacking worm from the ground.


Ronin, Himura Shinta KW63 (Empress Kiova): We learn of Kiova's secret backstory where she fell in love with a vagabond ronin on the run. But he gets caught and killed. And that's why the Izumi Samurai aren't a 4-man squad.


Untitled (Samurai): Samurai argue with other Einar units about their plan.


The Death of Deathwalker 7000 KW19 (DW7000): DW7000 and a bunch of Zettains are stationed in an outpost. They randomly develop feelings for no reason like in Nier: Automata and decide that they don't want to fight a pointless war. When they are attacked, DW7000 sacrifices himself to preserve the other feeling machines. But in the end it seems that it doesn't matter. This one is an emotional rollercoaster, so 2nd best of the bunch.


A Hunter KW51 (Garruk from Magic: The Gathering): Garruk from MtG goes around the jungle killing Sujoah and a bunch of Fyorlag Spiders effortlessly. How could he be so strong? Must've gotten a turn one Sol Ring.


The Samurai and the Ogre (Kaemon Awa): Gurei Oni is summoned to Valhalla and a whole host of samurai led by Kaemon are needed to bring down the fearsome beast in order to quell him. The army and samurai leader are barely able to bring the Oni down by the skin of their teeth. Because of how nearly-invincible the demigod demon ogre is. 100 Points. I liked this prose:

Quote:
The demon’s breath was somewhere between rotting beef and soiled clothes; his voice like a thousand dying words uttered at once
That's all of 'em. DONE.


The reason this was so exhausting to me is because it was a 7: it was all perfectly competent and fine, with only a couple typos per tale. But as short stories they don't leave too much of an impact or build to anything over the long course of the thread. It's fine, time and time again. And when it comes to this program I prefer the extremes: exceptional or terrible, and dense, and short. This thread was fine, and long.

That being said I do recommend reading this if you wanna check it out, if you saw any of your favorite characters and want to read a short fic about them. Check 'em out, give us your thoughts, and let us know if there were any instances of vipers being obliterated that we missed on here!


Next!

#12: The Land of Shadow by Orc's Blade

Now I was wondering about this one ever since seeing it on the list; for those that don't know Orc's Blade is the writer of Kit: Young Ninja which I think I gave a 9 way back in the day. So the pressure is on for this one, especially since it's less than a page long.

Continuing with the Garruk story from Johnny139, this one also takes place in Magic, well, this time in Mtg's world rather than Valhalla: Inistrad to be exact. I don't know much about Magic's lore itself but I do know enough about Inistrad to know that it's a very gothic horror Bloodborne sort of setting. Werewolves and vampires abound. All of AMIS' favorites.

Our hero is Moräthor whose mother tells him about werewolves. The werewolf attacks are worsening as he gets older, and eventually it touches his life as his father becomes one and kills his mother even though he's supposed to be summoning sick when a new creature enters the battlefield. Moräthor beheads his father and in her dying breath his mother tells him to find Avacyn, their resident archangel. With that she is sent to the card graveyard and I pass my turn.

Chapter two and grown-up Moräthor is alone in a cottage in the dead of night, waiting for prey. He is a hunter now it seems, as a werewolf busts in only to fall into his trap. More wolves come in and we get a short action scene as he cuts through them. But then he is disarmed and pinned, and right before the wolf can rip his throat out we get this:

Quote:
His hands scrabbled desperately for a weapon as the wolf’s jaws snapped forward, eagerly seeking his throat. A strange force gathered in his stomach, and he thrust out with it. The wolf flew away like a leaf in a storm, and the cottage blew up outwards, exploding into the night with a loud bang.
So our hero literally fus ro da's the werewolf into oblivion (uh, no pun intended). Not quite the ending I was expecting.


As Moräthor leaves the destroyed cottage, confused at his own abilities, more creatures enter the clearing... End, no other chapters. For reference as far as I can discern Moräthor is not a canon Mtg character so we won't be learning any more about his character or where this story might've gone. Avacyn is though; she's the one being killed in the picture of Anguished Unmaking. There's some lore for all you Commander players out there.


I'm gonna give it a 6, a higher but similar rating to Grey for a lot of the same reasons. It is short and completely unfinished when it was only getting started. But OB is a quality writer, very good at writing quick-paced stories that don't waste any time and grab you nice and early, and I enjoyed what I read of it. It's a shame to stain his record with a 6 though, especially since this could've been an 8 or 9 pretty easily had it been finished (provided OB maintained all of his best qualities from Kit in it). But that's just a Theory... a Lame Theory. Thanks for watching!




...Are you sure this one was long enough?

~TAF, until next time

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #30  
Old May 23rd, 2022, 03:54 PM
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He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

Quote:
Originally Posted by TAF
kind of like TGIF's Personal Challenge series (which we will get to), only he would actually do them.
Oof, lol.

Can any withstand the relentless onslaught of TAF on the author ratings? Even the great OB has fallen... I somehow simultaneously applaud TAF's effort and feel like he's downrating everyone here into oblivion...

~TGRF, who admits the Venoc/Rambo story stumped him.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #31  
Old May 23rd, 2022, 04:10 PM
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

Honestly this has me mostly jealous that I have no FanFics to be reviewed.
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Old May 23rd, 2022, 04:29 PM
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tornado View Post
Honestly this has me mostly jealous that I have no FanFics to be reviewed.
There is of course a remedy for that...

~TGRF.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #33  
Old May 23rd, 2022, 06:39 PM
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

I know. Really tempted to write something tied to someone else's fan fic.
Prequel or sequel or spinoff.
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  #34  
Old May 28th, 2022, 02:31 AM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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The Fan Fiction Competition Episode

Welcome back to our show. After some delay, I've finally managed to read two more short stories and can now talk about them. Ironically both fics this time around comprise of submissions for the Fan Fic Competition (pictured below)


So we will call this the Competition Episode. I guess that would make last time the MTG episode, and the one before that the, uh, Nerak episode.

...Moving on:


#13: Lazy Orang's Short Stories by Lazy Orang

So to explain Lazy Orang's thread here is just a collection of all her competition submissions in one place. It actually served as the inspiration for The Book Of TAF earlier on this list, though hopefully it scores higher. Being from the Contest, I've read both of them before, but just for the sake of properly rating them on their own merits let's give the two stories in here a revisit, shall we?

Vydar's Betrayal: This story is about a raid on a Jandar outpost by Utgar and Vydar forces. It stars the Krav Maga Agents, which is pretty ballsy as it immediately sets the reader against the protagonists since we all hate those kiting bastards so much. Tornado, if you want a review on here with an easy 10 then just write a short fic where these three just get horribly massacred by Quasatch Hunters or something. The old Suburban Sasquatch treatment.


Make it happen, someone please

Er, anyway, while the agents are formidable, they encounter some difficulty against a pack of Omnicron Snipers on height:

Quote:
It was an extremely effective defence - she couldn’t fault Concan on his tactical acumen.


This time we'll take a shot for every filthy kneelin' unamerican Englishism in the spelling. There's not enough typos or weird recurrences to chug to, so this'll hafta do.

Anyhow the Agents manage to break into the castle ahead of the Utgarians. Their mission, should they choose to accept it, is to find Concan before their allies do. They attack and wound Concan, injecting him with a mysterious syringe.

Quote:
Concan seemed to ignore the new hole in his armour leaking blood


Anyways with the battle won Carr speaks with Trent (the PoV agent), giving her a secret device. She then goes to speak with Concan, revealing Vydar's plans to him: that his betrayal is a façade to attack Utgar's army from the rear during their subsequent attack on Jandar's capital. So you see, the title of Vydar's Betrayal wasn't referring to his betraying the Alliance, but to his secret plans to betray Utgar! And he is of course executing his plan in the most Vydar way possible.

Vydar explaining why he's actually the good guy

It's a good story, quickly showing how Vydar and agents work in Heroscape's twisted world of allegiances, keeping their own missions and secrets even when working with others, breaking off for separate objectives of their own, even publicly talking normal while exchanging secret information in case anyone's listening in on them. And it does a good job of showing the way Vydar himself operates, trading a few innocent lives for the greater good in order to trap Utgar's army. It even has perfectly good grammar and spelling, even using Its correctly. It's all perfectly... English... Perhaps I treated you too harshly...

However... it also has a twist. You see, when Agent Trent was relaying Vydar's plan to Concan before releasing him, we learn that Isamu was listening in! And now Utgar knows the plan!!!



Last Voice Of Reason: This story concerns an unlikely trio of a Mohican tribeswoman named Swift River, an uppity elf named Rhangyll, and a cobbled-together robot named Scrapheap, nearly 200 years into the Valhallan conflict. They run into a Kyrie named Tyra and save her from some Orcs, recruiting them into their group.

Now for those who don't know Tyra is actually one of SoundWarp-SG1's (who can still denounce these at any time) twelve custom generals. Which can all be found on my customs thread, so CLICK HERE!! to check out my customs! Now including
Lord of the Rings Lord of the Rings
customs featuring said custom generals, with the ringbearer himself Frodo Baggins following Tyra. Check them out, and don't forget to Like, Comment, and Subscribe! Click the little bell for notifications and don't forget to turn off that pesky adblock!

...Ahem, sorry. Everything gets kinda blurry when I start talking about my own stuff. Anyway, each of Soundwarp's generals has their own theme. Tyra is the general of neutrality, trying to end the war rather than win it. This is Lazy Orang's origin story for Tyra, albeit in the future. Ironically this fic competed with my Cornak story in the Competition, which also features an anti-war Kyrie named Yrta, which the big-brained among you will see is an anagram of Tyra. So it seems Soundwarp-SG1's latest general at the time was an inspiration to us both.

Tyra is depressed that her family got killed by Orcs. She asks Swift River about Valhallan history, and Swift River thinks about the rumor of the one final survivor of the original war. They decide to find this person to get some answers. But before they can do so they'll have to convince Rhangyll to agree to it:

Quote:
'So, let me get this straight,’ said Rhangyll. 'Now we’re at the border into Nastralund, you want to turn around, traipse south all the way back through Ekstrom, back into Anund, and find some abandoned fortress in the south of that province so your new Kyrie friend can talk to someone who may not even exist?’
'In essence, yes,’ I replied.
'There is no way we are ever doing this, Swift River - I hope you understand that.’
Wait, what the garbage is a "traipse"? Hold on a second...





Jeez okay one more:


That literally threw off the pace of my joke. I was gonna go with the whole "Gee, someone says there's no way they'll do this or that..." which of course leads to a hard cut of them doing that very thing and the audience laughs and all... but there's no point now. Are you laughing? Of course not, the moment's passed. Let's just carry on then.


Wanting to end the destruction of this post-apocalyptic Valhalla, the group tracks this mystery soldier down to the old run down Montfre Manor. The ancient survivor of the war turns out to be Rygarn, the chrono-key wielding cousin of Hellboy. He agrees to send the group back in time in order to prevent the conflict from spiraling out of control into this modern-day madness. Thus it completes a time-loop, indicating how Tyra would go on to become a Valkyrie General.

This one's not as tightly-written as the other, with a few typos and grammatical errors. It's also pretty light on plot, wasting some time plodding around here or there (like a pointless section about them needing a map to get through the manor, solved by Tyra having perfect memory). But it does have much stronger characterization than Vydar's Betrayal, with likable well-defined characters across the board. Lots of good bonding and banter. And Tyra's backstory of ending the war being because she is from an apocalyptic future resulting from it seems fitting. Very Fire Emblem Awakening (which is a big compliment for those not familiar).

Lazy Orang's Short Stories gets a 7. It contains only two fics but they are both pretty good. Both feel like the beginning of larger tales which is odd for Competition entries. They are both fine for what they are, solid contest fics. If the merits of both were combined then it'd be even higher up, and it's too bad that there's only two entries total. But not every Heroscaper maintains a large library of fiction, many only giving it a fling or two while they're in the neighborhood. But for the two we got, it's pretty good




#14: The Morsbane Chronicles by Finrod

The Morsbane Chronicles are a chronicle of Morsbane, the super-cool elf wizard who can cancel you faster than a Twitter mob. Now he's never been my favorite unit to write about, because he has a really stupid hat, but Finrod is a great elf king of the Noldor so let's see what he can make of it.

Our PoV character Morsbane is with a bunch of other Ullar folk watching Saylind summon people. This time though she summons a non-Ullarian:

Quote:
Saylind’s mystical portal completed its work. The energy expelled outward, leaving behind a human clothed fully in shining armor. He removed his helmet, shaking loose a shock of blond hair.

It's Sir Denrick, come from Jandar with news of Vydar's new summons. And the word isn't good to say the least:

Quote:
Denrick bowed his head briefly and continued. “Vydar’s forces have grown much in recent days. He has sought more of the dreaded Soulborgs and other strange warriors with weapons that strike as swiftly and as far as your arrows.” Syvarris made a scoffing noise. “We have word of a great black dragon that has been sighted near his camp, but has not engaged anyone in battle yet. But most troubling of all is... a woman... ”

A cold shiver crawled its way across my back before he said another word.
Man, I knew old-timey folks could be casually sexist, but this is just silly.

Anyways, Morsbane recounts his ancient family's history: how Sudema was so deadly in her time that Morsbane's mother teamed up with Khosumet the Darklord in ordert to stop her. This unlikely alliance between elves and wolves held long enough to destroy Sudema (or so everyone thought), but not before ol' Khosy pulled a Sir Hawthorne on Morsbane's Ma. It's actually a canon relationship, and as someone in the comments points out, an interesting one since it is a three-way dynamic rather than a simpler good-evil rivalry. It makes for a good subject for fiction. Though I can't get past stuff like this without thinking of the reality of these three units...

Quote:
Sudema, scourge of Feylund. Undead queen of depravity. Malefic witch of vileness. The descriptions were numerous and colorful, and they all passed through my thoughts, marching on in a parade of angry epitaphs, followed by the memories of that dreadful day.
Official Power Ranking: D+

So Denrick accompanies the Ullarians to Vydar's camp to surprise and destroy Sudema, but it falls through and they are caught and attacked by Agent Carr. Some of the language used for this fight scene is quite striking and visual, and I like it a lot.

Quote:
Agent Carr was suddenly right in our midst, somehow bypassing our sentries. His gun spoke once, the projectile passing dangerously near my own head, and then the Sword of Reckoning swept into action, striking down one of our warriors before she could utter a cry.

Carr’s body seemed to vibrate, becoming almost transparent as a shimmering glow surrounded him. To her horror, Carr stepped forward, passing through the Ashra warrior. As the glow faded, he rushed on, swinging his mighty blade at an unprepared archer.
Such a neat way of showing his Ghost Walk in action

Things get worse as the fight continues. Morsbane had thought that he could sense Sudema due to the link forged in the battle his mother fought, but we find out that it is actually Khosumet who he is sensing, as the wolf attacks Morsbane and joins the battle. Sudema shows up as well, turning Syvarris to STONE with naught but a gaze.


Morsbane had crippled Carr with his staff, and now Denrick proves his worth by coming to Morsbane's rescue rather than continue his assault on Carr. It's a little character thing. He helps him while Morsbane uses his staff on Sudema, seemingly destroying her but we're not sure. Saylind summons them all to safety as they retreat.

Morsbane is injured and uncertain if he succeeded, swearing to his dead mother that he will destroy Sudema once and for all. But whatever that might've been, we don't get anything past this first volume here.

Maybe it's the font or the inebriation, but I liked this one. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna give it an 8. The story, while short, has enough of everything I like to merit a rating higher than a 7. It had no typos that I could find, a good enough skirmish-type plot for a Heroscape story, good enough characterization between Morsbane's past, Denrick and Syvarris, etc. And the fighting was well done. I don't really got any complaints. It's not terribly in-depth in any one direction—no vast, surprising plot or superb characterization—but for what it is, it's pretty damn solid for a one-off Heroscape story. Only excellent characters or plotting would further bump its rating to a 9 or 10, and it wasn't charming or dumb enough to get free points on that front either.

But still, our first 8.




...Is it just me, or are these getting better as we go?

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT


Last edited by TheAverageFan; May 28th, 2022 at 02:50 AM.
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  #35  
Old May 28th, 2022, 03:04 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

Not sure how you keep these so funny time and time again, but well done once more. Although I've got to say... I don't believe traipse is a British word. It's origin is uncertain, and I've certainly read it in American English and probably used it in my own writings.

In anticipation of you eventually reaching my own compilation of contest entries, I'm going to update it with some of my finer work. I've got to bolster my author rating somehow.

~TGRF.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #36  
Old May 28th, 2022, 04:14 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: Drunkenly Reviewing Every Low-Rated & Unranked Fiction h

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend
Although I've got to say... I don't believe traipse is a British word. It's origin is uncertain, and I've certainly read it in American English and probably used it in my own writings.


I'll die on this hill it has to be British. 99% of english words are English it has to be.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend
In anticipation of you eventually reaching my own compilation of contest entries, I'm going to update it with some of my finer work. I've got to bolster my author rating somehow.
Making it longer won't save you

~TAF, aware of the paradoxical nature of his preferences as a writer and as a reader

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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