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  #73  
Old March 30th, 2022, 04:24 PM
AMIS AMIS is offline
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Just finished, I'll digest and edit this for bit.
Here's my views in the spoiler.

Spoiler Alert!


Initial thoughts;
Fantastic pacing throughout
Not enough closure

Still unsure why the moon has wings...is it the same reason as buffalo?

9/10

Just when you thought it was all right, someone made it alright.

Good trades with - Porkins / xraine69 / mac122 (x2) / frylock / Ztimster (x2) and probably others I forgotten to mention...sorry.

Last edited by AMIS; April 2nd, 2022 at 08:21 PM. Reason: Life may suck...better than being undead though!
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  #74  
Old March 31st, 2022, 05:43 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

@AMIS As one who enjoys using zombies and vampires as antagonists in his writing, I'm kind of curious what you don't like about them, and what kept you coming back to this story despite that. Would be curious to know what worked there.

~TGRF.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #75  
Old March 31st, 2022, 08:12 PM
AMIS AMIS is offline
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

I'm actually not sure. I think the brotherly relationship between Header and Thorn is what originally had me hooked.

Most Zombie and Vampire tales focus too much on the monsters and not enough on the protagonists (don't get me started on the monster protagonist stories).

With all due apologies to @TheAverageFan , the monsters in this were almost an add-on. The building of relationships between some of the characters, most notably the soldiers and Thomas and Brooke, made me curious as to how they would (or would not) survive. The other relationship I was hoping to see more of was Reed and his father. But that would been real tough to include.

Silvan was also interesting as the all round evil archetype. The monsters were okay as expendable bad guys but Silvan and his past with the soldiers was interesting.

Remember a story is only as good as it's main characters which inevitably leads to their relationships. So what seems like action, is generally just filler.

At least that's how I view it.

The more I digest this story the more I liked it.

Just when you thought it was all right, someone made it alright.

Good trades with - Porkins / xraine69 / mac122 (x2) / frylock / Ztimster (x2) and probably others I forgotten to mention...sorry.

Last edited by AMIS; March 31st, 2022 at 08:12 PM. Reason: Great story.
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  #76  
Old April 1st, 2022, 11:28 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by AMIS
With all due apologies to TheAverageFan , the monsters in this were almost an add-on. The building of relationships between some of the characters, most notably the soldiers and Thomas and Brooke, made me curious as to how they would (or would not) survive. The other relationship I was hoping to see more of was Reed and his father. But that would been real tough to include.
Hmm, so it seems that my own concerns of having too much in addition to the zombies is actually a boon to readers like yourself. The undead only represent 1/3rd of the external threats of the story, after all. But to you that's a good thing. Interesting

As for Reed and his father, and any other unresolved or underdeveloped things, perhaps more will come of this project one day

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #77  
Old April 2nd, 2022, 11:42 AM
AMIS AMIS is offline
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post

As for Reed and his father, and any other unresolved or underdeveloped things, perhaps more will come of this project one day

~TAF
That's a sequel I look forward too.

Just when you thought it was all right, someone made it alright.

Good trades with - Porkins / xraine69 / mac122 (x2) / frylock / Ztimster (x2) and probably others I forgotten to mention...sorry.

Last edited by AMIS; April 2nd, 2022 at 11:43 AM. Reason: Really enjoyed this one.
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  #78  
Old April 2nd, 2022, 02:24 PM
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMIS
With all due apologies to TheAverageFan , the monsters in this were almost an add-on. The building of relationships between some of the characters, most notably the soldiers and Thomas and Brooke, made me curious as to how they would (or would not) survive. The other relationship I was hoping to see more of was Reed and his father. But that would been real tough to include.
Hmm, so it seems that my own concerns of having too much in addition to the zombies is actually a boon to readers like yourself. The undead only represent 1/3rd of the external threats of the story, after all. But to you that's a good thing. Interesting

As for Reed and his father, and any other unresolved or underdeveloped things, perhaps more will come of this project one day

~TAF
I'd agree with AMIS on this one. Billing any story as a zombie story automatically means people go into it expecting zombies. For those who like zombie action, you've got to deliver on that expectation.

But beyond that, it's really the normal conflicts of any story which make the tale stick. Zombies only go so far as a primary conflict. They supply urgency and can be a great plot device for moving your heroes places/into unfortunate situations, but it's going to be the internal group dynamics which really keep interest up.

As long as those group dynamics don't lead to stupid decisions just to get more zombie action, they generally out-perform the zombies every time. At least in my experience. Zombies have immediate tension, but group dynamics tend to have depth, which zombie tension never will.

~TGRF, also agreeing that the balance of zombies to group dynamics was very well handled.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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