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  #61  
Old March 19th, 2022, 05:59 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Spoiler Alert!


~TAF , will make those corrections later

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #62  
Old March 19th, 2022, 09:02 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Now through chapter 13.

Some thoughts and further speculation:
Spoiler Alert!

Some minor grammar stuff, for 11 & 12:
Spoiler Alert!

~TGRF, really, really trying to come up with an explanation. And failing.

P.S. I'm actually curious about that writing. Because if Abbey woke up and found it, then it's either just appearing or there's someone with serious calligraphy skills out there. But if she wrote it herself, then we're dealing with mind control, which is a whole different ball game.

P.P.S. Seriously though, I feel like you'd enjoy SYLO. Give it a read. The way he revealed the final twist was masterful, manipulating your expectations throughout two books like I've never seen.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #63  
Old March 21st, 2022, 06:04 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

I've read through chapter 16. However, I did so on my phone, so I wasn't able to note grammar stuff for 13-16. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Generally, in what zombie movies I've seen, once the characters reach the 'safe haven', it's only a matter of time before someone does something stupid, and everyone has to evacuate as the place goes up in flames around them. Either that, or the 'safe haven' turns out to be run by crazy cultists or something. But because you said you haven't seen much zombie media, and because twists are kind of your thing, I'm curious to see what happens next. We need more clues about the moon. And Nazar. And the writing. And the stove. More clues!

~TGRF.

P.S. I'm going to turn my attention back to the Dilmir stories, so the rate at which I read will probably slow down. But I'll definitely be reading to the end, if only to see how on earth the moon actually has wings.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #64  
Old March 22nd, 2022, 04:45 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend
I've read through chapter 16. However, I did so on my phone, so I wasn't able to note grammar stuff for 13-16. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I've been doing some grammar fixes of my own as I've been rereading so it should be okay. But then it's not like I didn't do those on my original editing and reread-before-posting processes. Er, well keep an eye out for anything blatantly incorrect as you go.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend
P.S. I'm going to turn my attention back to the Dilmir stories, so the rate at which I read will probably slow down. But I'll definitely be reading to the end, if only to see how on earth the moon actually has wings.
OK. Perhaps reading this has given you some new writing ideas that could be applied to future works.

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #65  
Old March 22nd, 2022, 05:06 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post
OK. Perhaps reading this has given you some new writing ideas that could be applied to future works.

~TAF
It definitely has a feel to it I like, but can't really describe. Something about zombie stories just seem to get me for some reason, and yours definitely has that feel to it. Just reading this made me want to write my own zombie story again. So figuring out what that is would certainly be a good idea in the future. I'm also studying the way the plot unfolds - I think it will be helpful in my Dilmir stories.

I'll definitely try to get in at least one chapter a day. Which would be easier if they were shorter...

~TGRF.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!


Last edited by The Grim Reaper's Friend; March 23rd, 2022 at 03:50 PM. Reason: Through 20 now...
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  #66  
Old March 23rd, 2022, 09:31 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

So I've read through chapter 21 and have some thoughts:
Spoiler Alert!

~TGRF.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #67  
Old March 24th, 2022, 07:12 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Getting your internal vision across to the reader is the eternal struggle, isn't it? Sometimes it's easy to forget that they have literally nothing to work with until you give them details.

Spoiler Alert!


~TAF, having finished his reread

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #68  
Old March 26th, 2022, 03:59 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - TGRF's Exhaustive Review

So I have this morning finished reading, and after gathering my thoughts for a couple of hours, am ready to commence with the review.

I'm going to break this down into a few sections, and then I'll give my rating for the fiction as a whole. Sections are in no particular order, with both good and bad together. I'll provide my thoughts on the story as a whole at the end. There's a lot to get through here, so reserve judgement until the end.

Firstly, Characters
Spoiler Alert!

Description
Spoiler Alert!

Stakes
Spoiler Alert!

Twists and Unknowns
Spoiler Alert!

Unanswered Questions
Spoiler Alert!

The story as a whole
Spoiler Alert!

And there you have it. Most of the great writers here have written their version of a zombie story at some point (at least in my time), and this is definitely one to add to those records. I've included some general grammar stuff below, but that's about it. A fine read, and I hope you write another story soon.

But maybe shorten the chapters a bit? Those were some long sittings.

Grammar (short)
Spoiler Alert!

~TGRF.

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #69  
Old March 29th, 2022, 04:26 PM
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Up to Chapter 14 in the two days I've discovered this one...good story so far...and I'm not a fan of the Zombie genre either - probably why I kept holding off.

Just when you thought it was all right, someone made it alright.

Good trades with - Porkins / xraine69 / mac122 (x2) / frylock / Ztimster (x2) and probably others I forgotten to mention...sorry.

Last edited by AMIS; March 29th, 2022 at 04:27 PM. Reason: Zombies and Vampires...never been a fan. This keep me coming back though.
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  #70  
Old March 29th, 2022, 07:29 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by AMIS
Up to Chapter 14 in the two days I've discovered this one...good story so far...and I'm not a fan of the Zombie genre either - probably why I kept holding off.
O_o 14 TAF-length chapters in two days? Hopefully you are enjoying it at that pace, especially if you do not normally enjoy zombie stuff. Feel free to let me know if you have any feedback, thoughts, critiques, etc.

~TAF, who should probably add that size thing in before it's too late

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #71  
Old March 29th, 2022, 08:11 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
Join Date: September 19, 2010
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMIS
Up to Chapter 14 in the two days I've discovered this one...good story so far...and I'm not a fan of the Zombie genre either - probably why I kept holding off.
O_o 14 TAF-length chapters in two days? Hopefully you are enjoying it at that pace, especially if you do not normally enjoy zombie stuff. Feel free to let me know if you have any feedback, thoughts, critiques, etc.

~TAF, who should probably add that size thing in before it's too late
Speaking of TAF-sized chapters, something I'd recommend is breaking them up. Just split them up between several spoilers. Within reason, and at obvious breaks, of course. Sometimes while reading, I'd have to stop to go do something, and it would take me a long time to find my place again. Splitting the chapters up into more manageable chunks would definitely help with that.

~TGRF,

Go to my website to read my fan fiction!

Writing Status: Developing...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #72  
Old March 29th, 2022, 08:15 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Yes I did notice that when checking back on Apocalypse. At the time I didn't know why you were doing it.

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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