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  #1  
Old April 24th, 2012, 09:46 PM
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William099 William099 is offline
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The Rise of Myvra

Well I don't know how many of you are familiar with Myvra but a long while back Deliriant designed her to be the 6th general his original thread can be found here: http://www.heroscapers.com/community...ad.php?t=31474.

Recently Project Myvra got back on its feet and as part of that heavyfishcannon and I have been working on some little blurbs for a backstory about Myvra. This is my first fanfiction so any suggestions will be welcome. So with great pride I introduce chapter 1 & 2 of The Rise of Myvra.

Character Bios
Spoiler Alert!


CHAPTER 1 ~ William099
Spoiler Alert!


CHAPTER 2 ~ heavyfishcannon
Spoiler Alert!


Chapter 3 ~ Fi Skirata
Spoiler Alert!

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Master Set IV/Assault in the Mournlands.
William099 is Lord of Blades...
in THE FRACTAL COMPLEX

Last edited by William099; June 23rd, 2012 at 02:28 PM. Reason: Chapter 3
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  #2  
Old April 25th, 2012, 03:17 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: The Rise of Myvra

Ah, I have arrived. You seem to be off to a good start, but there are a few grammar issues. First off is the whole tense. Personally, I find it infinitely easier to write and read in the past tense, but of course, that's up to you. However, in chapter one, you use 'began' twice. I believe it should be 'begun'.
The rest of it is fine, except for the last paragraph or so of the secodn chapter, in which a little tense shifting occurs. Other than that, great start!
~TGRF.
P.S. Yes, I'm picky about these things.
P.P.S. The thing is, everyone is talking in past tense already, so the reader has to keep on shifting from present to past and back to present, which really breaks up narration. What I would recommend is shifting it all to past tense. It flows a lot better that way.

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  #3  
Old April 27th, 2012, 09:34 PM
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Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla
Re: The Rise of Myvra

Here is a Bio for the Clockwork Knights, which I put in their tome, but I figured you might want to add it here as well...

The Clockwork Knights have long been the servants of Myvra. She built the first one when she was but a child, and programmed them to have a sense of optimism similar to her own. She used these forces to secure her small territory in the west, and they have recently become an essentially part of her grand army, which she hopes to use to expand her ‘influence’…

I know it is not super long, but I hope you all enjoy it .

Edit: Here is the bio for the Pirates:

Myvra’s visions expanded past the planets other generals had seen, to small planet called Terrenai. This planet, filled with rogues and misfits would become the planet from which most of her soldiers came from. She took a chance on a small band of pirates, who were going to be executed for their crimes. Seeing in them, a chance to gain a powerful ally, she decided to save their lives, and was not displeased in what she had gained…

Last edited by Fi Skirata; April 27th, 2012 at 10:03 PM.
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  #4  
Old April 29th, 2012, 06:54 PM
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William099 William099 is offline
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Re: The Rise of Myvra

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fi Skirata View Post
Here is a Bio for the Clockwork Knights, which I put in their tome, but I figured you might want to add it here as well...

The Clockwork Knights have long been the servants of Myvra. She built the first one when she was but a child, and programmed them to have a sense of optimism similar to her own. She used these forces to secure her small territory in the west, and they have recently become an essentially part of her grand army, which she hopes to use to expand her ‘influence’…

I know it is not super long, but I hope you all enjoy it .

Edit: Here is the bio for the Pirates:

Myvra’s visions expanded past the planets other generals had seen, to small planet called Terrenai. This planet, filled with rogues and misfits would become the planet from which most of her soldiers came from. She took a chance on a small band of pirates, who were going to be executed for their crimes. Seeing in them, a chance to gain a powerful ally, she decided to save their lives, and was not displeased in what she had gained…
Looks good! Added.

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Master Set IV/Assault in the Mournlands.
William099 is Lord of Blades...
in THE FRACTAL COMPLEX
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  #5  
Old April 30th, 2012, 03:05 AM
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William099 William099 is offline
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Re: The Rise of Myvra

New character bios added come one, come all and read em!! Coming soon Chapter 2.5 brought to you by heavyfishcannon. Then Chapter 3 by Fi Skirata!

Customs here
Master Set IV/Assault in the Mournlands.
William099 is Lord of Blades...
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  #6  
Old May 1st, 2012, 12:50 AM
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Fi Skirata Fi Skirata is offline
 
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Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla
Re: The Rise of Myvra

Here is the H. K. Crawlers bio:

Henry K. Fredrick’s factory on Earth produced many cutting edge technology, but the best where his patented pending Crawlers. When Myvra brought Henry too Valhalla, she also brought several Crawlers with him. After reprogramming them to work as bodyguards for Myvra’s soldiers, Henry continues to replace the destroyed crawlers and send them out to keep the soldiers safe…
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  #7  
Old May 9th, 2012, 09:48 PM
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Fi Skirata Fi Skirata is offline
 
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Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Fi Skirata is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla
Re: The Rise of Myvra

Here is Medgar Copperbones bio:

Medgar Copperbones was set to be hanged by the Gallows for his crimes, when Myvra intervened and saved him from his fate. Now reunited with his pirate crew, he uses his famous blunderbuss to fight for Myvra in the battle of all time.
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  #8  
Old May 27th, 2012, 02:06 AM
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William099 William099 is offline
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Re: The Rise of Myvra

The rest of chapter two is up!! Come one come all! Read it well its fresh!

Customs here
Master Set IV/Assault in the Mournlands.
William099 is Lord of Blades...
in THE FRACTAL COMPLEX
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  #9  
Old June 23rd, 2012, 02:29 PM
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William099 William099 is offline
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Re: The Rise of Myvra

Chapter 3 done! Is anybody actually reading this? If so is the editing the op and the bumping the thread an annoying way to do this and would you prefer that I put each new chapter as a new post?

Customs here
Master Set IV/Assault in the Mournlands.
William099 is Lord of Blades...
in THE FRACTAL COMPLEX
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  #10  
Old July 9th, 2012, 05:42 PM
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Re: The Rise of Myvra

I was wondering, who's got the next chapter? I'd like to do a short story involving Gregor Crookedgear, but other than that, who's doing chapter 4?
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  #11  
Old July 10th, 2012, 05:33 PM
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William099 William099 is offline
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Re: The Rise of Myvra

I'm doing chapter 4... I would love to see what you got for Gregor.

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  #12  
Old July 26th, 2012, 06:29 PM
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William099 William099 is offline
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Re: The Rise of Myvra

Sad day our only response post in a while was a bot...

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William099 is Lord of Blades...
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