APOSTLE'S CREED - a zombie story

[TGRF]

Chapter 25:

Spoiler Alert!

“It might be awhile.” he told Stacey,

While the punctuation is incorrect, as you already know, 'he' should still be capitalized if it follows a period.

Brooke nodded, “We can rest for a bit, knowing we’ve done a good deed.

This line seems off. It seems like something you the author would say, but not a character. A character would be more likely to say, 'We can rest for a bit. We've earned it.' Or something similar. Could just be me, but it stuck out.

Jaxson and Gene were already back there

Man, I don't know what it is, but I can't keep Gene and Reed straight. I think maybe they were introduced close together when the group was just starting to get too big? I was all set to comment on how unlikely I thought it was that Gene would be there for Stacey, before realizing I was thinking of Reed.

“Dinner was all Thomas would say.”

I've mentioned this before, but setting off 'Dinner' would help the readability here. This line wasn't too bad, but I would still do it.

Stacey crossed her arms, “You put them all up to this, didn’t you?!”

Stacey switches to talking to Thomas right after talking to Thorn - something in there to indicate her shift in attention would be good. I got it, but it made the flow of reading stumble while I figured out who she was talking to.

why would you save for outside pressure like this?”

Definitely want a comma after 'you'. There isn't a rule about this that I'm aware of, but for clarity, I would definitely separate nouns and verbs with commas unless they are they're own subject/predicate. Which they aren't in this case - 'save' is starting a new dependent clause.

That he hesitated first comforted her: not immediately reaching to profit from the touch of her skin, rather recognized the gravity of her consent and waited until it was certain.

Recognizing. The verb follows the tense of 'reaching', not 'hesitated', because the colon starts a new independent clause.

“All the carnage, hard choices, or even the usual human nature… to love now seems like such a suicidal gamble, knowing circumstance will almost certainly ensure a tragic and premature ending.”

What the... is Thomas reading a script or something? I mentioned a line from Brooke which sounded a bit off, but this is next level. It isn't the only instance either - just one of the most obvious.

I've noticed this before at times - notably the conversation between Stacey and Silvin, although that was much better. Some of the dialogue in general just seems... unnatural. No other way to really put it. I'm certainly no master of dialogue myself, but I would recommend looking into subtext.

I know you said this was one of your favorite chapters, so I hate to critique it like that. I also enjoy writing chapters where my characters change or face personal problems head on. And on the whole, it was a good chapter, with me getting what Brooke and Thorn and Stacey were doing. But the dialogue really brought it down. Even some of the non-dialogue text - it was just too verbose and on the nose. That has a place, certainly, but I feel that plainer language and a better use of subtext would have aided in making me feel the emotions I think you were going for.

Moving on to part II...

Honestly I can't remember at least half of the group in the car. I think Montague came with Thomas and the others in TMHW, but elected to stay. Mr. Collis I know because he's distinctive - that Mr. in front of the name sets him apart. But Lynn? Guy? Peyton? Genuinely no clue. I think Guy was at VACC when Thomas and co. arrived, and Lynn might have been too. No idea who Peyton is or where he came from.

You wouldn’t have got in at all, had I known that you’d separated.

But... they separated right in front of you I thought. How did Nazar not see that?

We’re finally moving again because of you.”

I feel like I definitely missed something, because I was never aware that an armed detachment was expected in the city. I didn't mention it when they showed up, because it was obvious I had just missed it somewhere. But this bit has me confused even more - if the convoy was coming anyway, how are the civilians moving 'because' of Brooke? As I understand it, the convoy was there to take the bridge. Brooke had nothing to do with that. So what is the Chief talking about?

we only helped Oakerley do most of the heavy lifting

Again... what is Brooke talking about? Her group did precious little other than add a few guns - Gene (or was it Reed?) did the most as a sniper.

~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

Feedback feedback:

Spoiler Alert!

Originally Posted by TGRF

Man, I don't know what it is, but I can't keep Gene and Reed straight. I think maybe they were introduced close together when the group was just starting to get too big? I was all set to comment on how unlikely I thought it was that Gene would be there for Stacey, before realizing I was thinking of Reed.

I could not even begin to say. They are very different characters, and their introduction was so long ago you'd think that relation would've worn off by now.

Originally Posted by TGRF

Stacey switches to talking to Thomas right after talking to Thorn - something in there to indicate her shift in attention would be good. I got it, but it made the flow of reading stumble while I figured out who she was talking to.

Uh, she is talking to Thorn. There's not something to indicate a shift because there is no shift.

Originally Posted by TGRF

I've noticed this before at times - notably the conversation between Stacey and Silvin, although that was much better. Some of the dialogue in general just seems... unnatural. No other way to really put it. I'm certainly no master of dialogue myself, but I would recommend looking into subtext.

I know you said this was one of your favorite chapters, so I hate to critique it like that. I also enjoy writing chapters where my characters change or face personal problems head on. And on the whole, it was a good chapter, with me getting what Brooke and Thorn and Stacey were doing. But the dialogue really brought it down. Even some of the non-dialogue text - it was just too verbose and on the nose. That has a place, certainly, but I feel that plainer language and a better use of subtext would have aided in making me feel the emotions I think you were going for.

Why do I have a feeling if it were less on the nose you'd be complaining that it was too unclear?

Originally Posted by TGRF

Honestly I can't remember at least half of the group in the car. I think Montague came with Thomas and the others in TMHW, but elected to stay. Mr. Collis I know because he's distinctive - that Mr. in front of the name sets him apart. But Lynn? Guy? Peyton? Genuinely no clue. I think Guy was at VACC when Thomas and co. arrived, and Lynn might have been too. No idea who Peyton is or where he came from.

No, you got all four of them correct. Peyton is just Mr. Collis' first name, which is why Montag says it while talking to Collis.

Originally Posted by TGRF

I feel like I definitely missed something, because I was never aware that an armed detachment was expected in the city. I didn't mention it when they showed up, because it was obvious I had just missed it somewhere.

The chief mentioned it in Chapter 21:

Originally Posted by Apostle's Creed Ch21

____“We didn’t even make it to the bridge. We’re waiting on a reinforcement convoy right now, to shore up the assault. At least that’s the last I’d heard, before we lost the remaining men of the governor’s. You’re welcome to wait with us.”

____...

____“It’s a bad idea.” Header mumbled, “Better to wait for the reinforcements. They’ll be more numerous an’ better equipped for this kinda thing. Or better yet go way ‘round and find a safer quieter place to cross. Ain’t no way they can guard the whole damn river.”

Originally Posted by TGRF

But this bit has me confused even more - if the convoy was coming anyway, how are the civilians moving 'because' of Brooke? As I understand it, the convoy was there to take the bridge. Brooke had nothing to do with that. So what is the Chief talking about?

Maybe he's just being polite given her efforts to venture in anyway not knowing if the reinforcements would come or not. Perhaps it's too subtle?

~TAF

[TGRF]

Spoiler Alert!

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

Feedback feedback:

I could not even begin to say. They are very different characters, and their introduction was so long ago you'd think that relation would've worn off by now.

Well first impressions are always the strongest. Gene and Reed are two names in a sea of others, and while they have distinctive personalities, I think it's hard to keep the personality linked with the name. The initial confusion between them might have simply bled over and stuck. That would be my guess.

Originally Posted by TAF

Why do I have a feeling if it were less on the nose you'd be complaining that it was too unclear?

Well that's certainly a fine line any author needs to learn to balance - myself included. But setting aside subtlety for now, there's a lot to just be said for implication. Even just having characters communicate with posture, head motions, looks, even silence... that can convey way more than words sometimes, and usually in a far more natural way.

Originally Posted by TAF

Maybe he's just being polite given her efforts to venture in anyway not knowing if the reinforcements would come or not. Perhaps it's too subtle?

It's not so much subtle as it just doesn't make sense to me. The Chief could praise Brooke for her bravery in entering the city without claiming things everyone there knows she had no hand in doing.

I'm enjoying it, I swear. Just nitpicking.

~TGRF.

[TGRF]

Chapter 26, part I:

Spoiler Alert!

Large zombies sightings had been reported over the radio

Not sure if this is intentional or not, but as 'zombie' is an adjective here, it can't be plural. 'Large zombie sightings'.

the landline phone sat in the corner of the room began ringing.

Again not sure if this is intentional, but you either need 'which sat' or 'sitting'. 'Sat' is not a synonym for 'placed', although 'set' is, which might also be what you were going for.

Getting you here was a simple measure, as it you all explained clearly to me in Cincinnati.

I'm fairly certain something got garbled there in the last half of that line. I think you want 'as you explained'?

My life, my death: either way it’s me so we do things my way.

Brooke's idea of what is selfless is certainly interesting...

I'm wondering why, with all this talk of being selfless, no one points out to Brooke that helping the world over the life of a kid she wants to save is what is actually selfless. I mean sure, you could argue the old 'people on the train tracks' scenario here, but it isn't really painted that way. It's completely different because Brooke actually sees one choice as something she wants to do, while in the scenario both options are unfavorable. I feel like if this is truly a test set by old Gravel-Voice to see if she's selfless, she just failed in spades. But then maybe he knows that...

It seems odd to me that Header, at least twice now, has been set on stopping Brooke from doing something foolish, but seems incapable of actually stopping her himself. He always turns to the group to stop her. He clearly knows what's on the line, so it's curious that he doesn't just lock her in a tank and drive to VACC. There must be something there...

“I don’t know if I can.” he said with no small amount of uncertainty.
I don’t think I am.” she said,
“I love you.” he concluded aloud,

More capitals. I'm wondering if you've been doing that all along and I just haven't seen it until now somehow.

~TGRF.

[TGRF]

Chapter 26, parts II and III:

Spoiler Alert!

sliding back and permitting Thorn to look through he sights next,

The*

We’re doing everything in our power.”

Are you though?

Obviously this is something Brooke would never do, but it occured to me that they could easily call Voyeur's bluff. He just gave them his location. They could easily roll in there and take him out via sniper (incidentally you'd think they could do this anyway - Gene clearly has the range, having sniped from atop a building and across a bridge). If they set the zombies off, what's he going to do? Kill Henry, his only leverage to getting Brooke? That would accomplish him nothing.

too dangerous to even use headlights on the way through the winding country roads.

... But why? What's she afraid of, being seen by Voyeur? Isn't that assumed at this point?

Never knowing when a killing slug might fly through the air and end her life in an instant.

I'll be completely honest - I thought you meant a literal flying slug - as in the animal - and tried to picture it for a second (complete with wings) until I figured out it was a bullet.

A few typos in quick succession - I'm guessing the writing was flowing faster at this point.

Thorn left again do find any blankets

to*

Header sighed, seeing Brooke slump and bit and reaching to manually correct her.

A bit* I think?

“She need us.” Stacey said,

Needs*

Obviously there's a debate going on here - one the reader is being invited to join - about who's right between Brooke or Header. But honestly I'm more interested in who's really being selfless. It's clear Brooke is willing to sacrifice herself - no question there. But it isn't as black and white, because sacrificing herself automatically sacrifices everyone else.

Honestly I can't call anyone here truly selfless, with the debatable (and ironic) exception of Thomas, who is sacrificing his own ideals to blindly follow Brooke. Everyone else is acting off of some selfish motive (even Thomas because he loves Brooke, hence the debatable part).

I can't say that Brooke is selfless. She's willing to sacrifice herself, but that's not the same thing. This is shown clearly when she demands they save Henry. Why is she doing that? Certainly not because it's logical. Rather, because she wants to save him. Therefore, she's acting off of her own selfish motives, even if that means sacrificing herself.

To be truly selfless, Brooke would need to ignore her own desires. That is kind of the definition of selfless. Thus, she would follow the logical course, ignore Henry, and save everyone.

Now that might be the selfless thing to do, but is it the moral thing to do? Well that's another debate...

~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

For starters all typos have been fixed. I just read this chapter not too long ago, I don't know how so many errors survived.

Spoiler Alert!

Originally Posted by TGRF

Obviously there's a debate going on here - one the reader is being invited to join - about who's right between Brooke or Header. But honestly I'm more interested in who's really being selfless. It's clear Brooke is willing to sacrifice herself - no question there. But it isn't as black and white, because sacrificing herself automatically sacrifices everyone else.

Honestly I can't call anyone here truly selfless, with the debatable (and ironic) exception of Thomas, who is sacrificing his own ideals to blindly follow Brooke. Everyone else is acting off of some selfish motive (even Thomas because he loves Brooke, hence the debatable part).

I can't say that Brooke is selfless. She's willing to sacrifice herself, but that's not the same thing. This is shown clearly when she demands they save Henry. Why is she doing that? Certainly not because it's logical. Rather, because she wants to save him. Therefore, she's acting off of her own selfish motives, even if that means sacrificing herself.

To be truly selfless, Brooke would need to ignore her own desires. That is kind of the definition of selfless. Thus, she would follow the logical course, ignore Henry, and save everyone.

Now that might be the selfless thing to do, but is it the moral thing to do? Well that's another debate...

I think the best way to summarize Brooke's principles is that her own personal moral compass matters more to her than even the overwhelming math of the matter at large. At the end of the chapter, when forced to choose between escaping while there was still time or effectively just staying with Henry so he wouldn't have to die alone, she chose the latter. The trade of having his life in exchange for hers wasn't even a factor anymore at that point.

Her argument with Nazar at VACC is a fairly apt summary of her actions in this chapter:

Originally Posted by Apostle's Creed, Ch19

____“Yes, you probably do think I’m a fool.” Brooke said, “For the crime of not wanting to kill these people because of who they might be, maybe I am. I won’t take this victory if it costs even a single innocent life. I’m sorry that you’re so bitter and crooked that you can’t see what you’re even fighting for anymore. There’s no righteousness in any of it. You’d probably kill billions if it meant winning against your brother.”
____“If it meant enduring him, if even one of us survived…” Nazar answered, “Then yes, yes I would do it without a second thought. I would kill all of mankind save just one if it meant humanity’s survival. Because anything more than zero survivors is a victory, it’s something. But you, unwilling to kill even one person to secure yourself, would doom everyone. No one survives, including the ones you refused to kill. Do you understand the math here?”

In a way, sacrificing even your morals for the sake of the mission probably would be the selfless thing to do. But Brooke wouldn't ever do that.

~TAF

[TGRF]

Chapter 27:

Spoiler Alert!

he approached and stooped to wash his face,

Wait, no, what are you doing? You know how many germs are in there?!?

the cemetery of ragged wooden fences and sheds

Another good description I wouldn't have thought of.

government business. ____“We’ll need to check with our people.” he said.

Just a missed line.

So Thomas, Brooke, Thorn, Header, and Londel were all there, right in front of the CIA guys, and the CIA guys missed them all with a literal spray of bullets. I mean they got Londel, but that was only a ding on the helmet. Man with aim like that, these guys could be Apostle. Or are they Apostle...

Another question I'm sure I've asked before is why can't the crew just be airlifted out? I mean, they're reporting their position to Nazar and Tandom. Nazar has Chinooks. Why can't Nazar just pull them out of there?

The big boss himself sat is silence

in*

are Peyton and Shou too cool to come when called?

Shou was old gravel-voice I'm pretty sure, but Peyton... Sounds like Mr. Collis will be going the Louis route soon.

I will not let our opportunity along the coastlines to go to waste.

You either have an extra 'to' there, or you want to replace 'let' with 'allow'.

“The last of them died today.” King said simply, facing his servant.
Elias trembled at the news, knowing what those words meant, taking a moment to dwell on what to say, “…Which one of them was it?”

Funny, the 'last' of something usually implies there was only one option for which it was. But then maybe Elias doesn't know who's kicked it... if this is a literal prosecutor, then it sounds like King got Elias out of some sort of sentencing... not sure what relevance that could have, but it probably means something...

you possess a gentle spirit and loathe doing harm to others,

Saith what now?

and black lighting came bursting out of his back

lightning*

It seems odd how Nazar tells them they'll be leaving, and the soldiers close ranks, but then he just brings them all inside anyway. I expected him to pack them all off in trucks straight away.

It sounds like we're coming down to the epic conclusion, with them all packed in VACC, and Elias on his way. However the fact that Silvin is on the other side of the country suggests this might not be the finale after all.

Given King's comments about Brooke, and Thomas' own thoughts, I'm beginning to think we're headed for some sort of ending where Brooke dies willingly just to stop everyone, and it turns out reversing the plague or something. I wouldn't put money on that outcome - it seems like a lot of convenience - but I'm starting to get those vibes.

~TGRF.

[TGRF]

Chapter 28:

Spoiler Alert!

and visibility was worsening quick.

Quickly*

indicating a general making to several different points of interest.

A general marking, perhaps?

Only Brooke among their group didn’t have a pistol, but the quick burst of small-rounds fire only startled the enemies back for a bit, giving just a second to flee.

This reads a bit odd - the action it refers to - the group firing - is never stated, and instead implied, causing the 'but' to feel out of place - like something should have come before it.

“Delay that order.”

Grimm says this twice, but the actual phrase is 'belay' the order, not 'delay'.

Clearly I was wrong about the assault on VACC-102 being the finale - I kind of guessed I was since there were so many chapters left. But now I'm wondering how things will end. King doesn't want Brooke dead, the group is split up, Thorn's pretty much decided on Stacey over Silvin - I honestly have no idea how things will come together. There's only, what, four chapters left?

King giving Elias his power - and showing that he does indeed no longer have it - has me wondering if this will become a case of Shazaming him in the final battle - lure his powers out one by one until he's just a normal guy. Right now it seems like the only viable way to take him out - barring the wildcard of Nazar.

~TGRF.

[TGRF]

Chapter 29:

Spoiler Alert!

Gauge, sat next to him, glanced over in confusion, “Huh?”

Sitting* 'Sat' being used in that way is - though regrettably common - not correct grammar-wise.

All other things expendable.”

are expendable?

Guage taking the Yamato out is only the latest in a mounting list of convenience. Given your comments on the Dilmir stories about convenience, I don't think this is accidental, but rather intentional, likely the work of other forces not yet revealed. However, if this is the case, I would expect it to be treated as such - someone remarking that it's too coincidental to be believed. That would subconsciously tip the reader off that there is more to this. Otherwise one might assume it was simply a deus ex machina. We'll see if that happens though...

the artificial light of blinking lights,

You've pointed this out in my own writing plenty, so I would be remiss if I didn't return the favor, and note two 'light's in quick succession. The first could almost certainly be changed to 'flashes' or 'brightness' or something.

With another thrust he threw Gauge down again from second to ground floor, landing in the withered atrium grass gagging and not getting back up.

If I take this sentence literally, Mardew is on the grass gagging and not getting up. With Mardew as the subject of the sentence, there definitely needs to be something there noting that Guage is the one being spoken about after the comma. Even just a 'the ex-Apostle' before 'landing' would do it.

But I am startin’ to think I’m getting’ too old for this.

Gettin* I'm ironically correcting back to improper grammar here, but I assume that's what you meant.

Thomas grabbing a lurching zombie in panic and shielding himself with it as the bullets shot his way. The biting mouth snapped inches from his face, Thomas quickly finishing it off

Call it a small detail, but I like the way Thomas casually handles the zombie without even really thinking about it. Grabbing one and using it as a shield is a far cry from the threat they were in the first book, and it creates a kind of sense of progression in the level of threats being faced. Just a small detail, but a nice touch if it's intentional.

I feel like we're setting up for my earlier comments on chapter 27 to pay off here. I can't tell how, but I'm getting a pretty strong impression that no one is going to win but Thomas/Brooke, Nazar and King destroying each other as Thomas keeps Brooke from them all. Actually... dang, that's about the only way this can end, that I can see. I didn't just crack it, did I?

Probably not. Thomas would just be on the sidelines, watching everything right itself as the enemies destroy each other. The world would still be a mess. But there's something going on here - Thomas' shift to just keep Brooke from everyone is a definite clue of what's coming... I'm just not sure completely what that is yet.

I apologize for the increasing delays, especially this close to the end. This partly has to do with the story, partly with RL, but mostly with the completely unrelated fact that my diet has changed, with the result that I now don't have the lunch half-hour I was using to read. I'll try to be more on top of it, I promise.

~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

Spoiler Alert!

Originally Posted by TGRF

Guage taking the Yamato out is only the latest in a mounting list of convenience. Given your comments on the Dilmir stories about convenience, I don't think this is accidental, but rather intentional, likely the work of other forces not yet revealed. However, if this is the case, I would expect it to be treated as such - someone remarking that it's too coincidental to be believed. That would subconsciously tip the reader off that there is more to this. Otherwise one might assume it was simply a deus ex machina. We'll see if that happens though...

It was more than convenience: it was downright pure luck. Certainly someone can roll a Nat 20 irl, though Gauge in general sort of has something mysterious going on with the fact that he's still around at all It's probably nothing.

Regarding convenience in Dilmir, I recall it being mostly a factor in regards to how the big threat is wrapped up with convenience at the end of the story (specifically Dilmir 2's ending). We'll see if that ends up applying to this in your eyes. Someone complaining about a factor in your writing certainly does not exclude their work from featuring the same flaws just as much—or even more so.

Originally Posted by TGRF

You've pointed this out in my own writing plenty, so I would be remiss if I didn't return the favor, and note two 'light's in quick succession. The first could almost certainly be changed to 'flashes' or 'brightness' or something.

I am typically a stickler for this because it reads so awkward. I usually read my chapters out loud multiple times so I'm not sure how this particularly egregious example slipped through the cracks. It's an easy fix to "glow" as well—baffling.

Originally Posted by TGRF

Gettin* I'm ironically correcting back to improper grammar here, but I assume that's what you meant.

Autocorrect fixing my intentional typos, I assume. Fixed.

Originally Posted by TGRF

I feel like we're setting up for my earlier comments on chapter 27 to pay off here. I can't tell how, but I'm getting a pretty strong impression that no one is going to win but Thomas/Brooke, Nazar and King destroying each other as Thomas keeps Brooke from them all. Actually... dang, that's about the only way this can end, that I can see. I didn't just crack it, did I?

Probably not. Thomas would just be on the sidelines, watching everything right itself as the enemies destroy each other. The world would still be a mess. But there's something going on here - Thomas' shift to just keep Brooke from everyone is a definite clue of what's coming... I'm just not sure completely what that is yet.

You will have to read to find out! Thomas is definitely yearning for agency at this point so we'll see if he can make a difference or not. He certainly couldn't with his mother before.

Curious about your diet. Is it Keto or some other specific type of diet?

~TAF

[TGRF]

Spoiler Alert!

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

Certainly someone can roll a Nat 20 irl, though Gauge in general sort of has something mysterious going on with the fact that he's still around at all It's probably nothing.

Sure...

Originally Posted by TAF

Curious about your diet. Is it Keto or some other specific type of diet?

I have been presented with the need to go as close to gluten-free as possible, at least for a month or two. Note to self: don't overdo any one food group for an extended period of time.

~TGRF.

[TGRF]

Chapter 30:

Spoiler Alert!

had cost over hundred lives,

A hundred*

and fired of several more rounds,

off*

slid the protective glass pane freely,

free*? You might've meant freely there, not sure.

and the intruders were too well-armed to pose much of a threat

This is another instance of object-confusion. It seems like you're saying that the intruders couldn't pose much of a threat, but you mean the zombies. A simple fix could be to separate the intruders bit with commas: But they were too spread out and, with the intruders too well-armed, they didn't pose much of a threat. Much clearer.

The bullets sunk one after another

sank*

bleeding red, kind of flesh unrecognizable.

I'm sure something was lost in translation there, but I can't begin to guess what you meant.

If you really dodge that and this both then you have the devil’s luck.”

Yeah, maybe in more ways than one...

They did not see the him or the Trembles in that place again.

An extra 'the'.

A small essay:

Spoiler Alert!

I debated about including this, but I want to go ahead and voice my thoughts on Thomas doing almost exactly what Thorn did several chapters ago, and my completely different reaction to it. If nothing else, it'll serve to preserve my thoughts.

I think you know that when Thorn decided to go after Silvin, I was not a fan of the idea. My overwhelming impression was one of selfishness and recklessness, Thorn being blinded by his vendetta over the danger to his friends.

Thomas does something very similar here. Obviously there are differences, but the two scenarios are actually pretty close, in that they both involve the group charging head on into a near-suicide death trap. However, I was completely behind Thomas' decision, and was ready to see him charge after Brooke. So why the difference?

I think it comes down to stakes. You've spent a fair amount of time developing and showing the effect Brooke has on Thomas, including how he was before she came along, which is a place he even now threatens to return to when she is taken from him. You've given the reader a chance to feel how much Brooke matters to Thomas, and thus, instead of seeing his pursuit with logic, I see it through his eyes, and side with him.

Thorn... I mean Thorn has stakes. There was an entire section in TMHW detailing Thorn's backstory with Silvin, but I never really got the impression of Thorn's need to go after him. Let me explain that. In the backstory, we get a pretty good picture of Thorn being unable to cope, his vendetta giving him purpose, all that. And that's great. But then it stops. The Thorn we see the entire rest of the story is mostly calm, in control, not given to rash decisions at all. There's just no hint that he's defined by some vendetta, some need to see Silvin dead and buried. As a result, his vendetta takes the place of a side-note, some extra trait which Thorn has, but clearly has under control. If you asked me to define who Thorn is, Silvin would not factor in. So as a result, for Thorn to suddenly ditch that soldier-exterior and let his Silvin vendetta rule him out of the blue, it didn't make sense.

And I don't know if that made sense either, but I wanted to get it down. I feel like Thomas' actions in this chapter really serve to illustrate the difference between the two scenes, and I've done my best to explain the difference in my reaction. Now, back to the story...

We're definitely mounting towards the finale here, but two things are bugging me. Firstly, King is completely elsewhere... at least I think so. It almost seems like Tandom is preparing for his own confrontation with King over on the coast - a duel in which I have little interest, as one character is the main villain, and one is someone we've barely seen and know nothing about. I'm betting that King finds his way to the base for the final boss fight.

Second is oddly the complete powerlessness of our heroes. They are so outmatched by literally everything they face, that I cannot imagine a climactic scenario which doesn't involve some form of a deus ex machina, or Nazar and King just obliterating each other while our heroes watch.

Oh and Silvin! He's got to show up at some point, right? He's been oddly absent these last few chapters, after having quite a bit of time spent on him before... how will he factor in? He's an odd wild card in the mix.

~TGRF.