Rise of the Valkyrie - Utgar

[TGRF]

@TheAverageFan So now that CoN is over for a day or two, might I prevail on you to share your thoughts with me? I need that feedback.

~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

TheAverageFan So now that CoN is over for a day or two, might I prevail on you to share your thoughts with me? I need that feedback.

I must admit I've fallen behind. I have a lot of work over the next three days but once I finish the story I'll get back to you (aka I'll edit this post with my thoughts).

Edit: So @The Grim Reaper's Friend I finally got around to finishing this, and my thoughts are that it was pretty good. It was short and sweet, and well-written as always, though it did leave me hungry for more. I really want to see the journey that leads the character in this story to the guy who is okay with summoning Marro and sending his own daughter into battle.

I only had one critique which was more of a point of confusion that I'll lay out below:

Spoiler Alert!

So in chapter seven Utgar is jailed and he's chained to the floor:

The following night, Utgar was to be found in a dark cell, his feet bound by a long chain to a ring in the middle of the floor.

He later uses the chain to attack some guards and then he escapes. But I have no idea how he leaves the cell so easily because he should still be chained to the floor. I didn't see anything about him unlocking or busting the chain so it's almost as if it disappears from the story.

Am I missing something or did you simply forget about it? I mean, it's a small issue if it's the latter as it'd only take a sentence or two to correct, but it nonetheless made me pause.

Anyhow, I am looking forward to any other Valkyrie prequels you're making. So there you have it. I would rate this an 8/10—there were very few flaws that I noticed, although it didn't soar to the heights that'd push it beyond an 8 in my opinion. I'd read more of this character's journey because I'd be curious to see how he and his daughter become such assholes.

~TAF

[TGRF]

Spoiler Alert!

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

I must admit I've fallen behind. I have a lot of work over the next three days but once I finish the story I'll get back to you (aka I'll edit this post with my thoughts).

Edit: So @The Grim Reaper's Friend I finally got around to finishing this, and my thoughts are that it was pretty good. It was short and sweet, and well-written as always, though it did leave me hungry for more. I really want to see the journey that leads the character in this story to the guy who is okay with summoning Marro and sending his own daughter into battle.

I only had one critique which was more of a point of confusion that I'll lay out below:

Spoiler Alert!

So in chapter seven Utgar is jailed and he's chained to the floor:

He later uses the chain to attack some guards and then he escapes. But I have no idea how he leaves the cell so easily because he should still be chained to the floor. I didn't see anything about him unlocking or busting the chain so it's almost as if it disappears from the story.

Am I missing something or did you simply forget about it? I mean, it's a small issue if it's the latter as it'd only take a sentence or two to correct, but it nonetheless made me pause.

Anyhow, I am looking forward to any other Valkyrie prequels you're making. So there you have it. I would rate this an 8/10—there were very few flaws that I noticed, although it didn't soar to the heights that'd push it beyond an 8 in my opinion. I'd read more of this character's journey because I'd be curious to see how he and his daughter become such assholes.

~TAF

And here I was getting all depressed because you never gave me your thoughts... apparently @ mentions don't work when you just edit.

About that chain... yeah I think I just forgot about it. I usually don't outright forget stuff like that, so that's strange. Good catch.

I'm interested to hear what would have pushed it above an 8 for you, if there's anything specific.

As far as sequels... to be honest my writing has gone downhill in the past weeks to the point where I can't seem to write anything (see my FFC blog). Every project I start has problems, and interest only lasts a few days. I don't really know what the problem is. Right now it looks uncertain if I'll be writing anything.

~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

And here I was getting all depressed because you never gave me your thoughts... apparently @ mentions don't work when you just edit.

Don't worry about it; late feedback is better than no feedback!
(and I should know)

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

I'm interested to hear what would have pushed it above an 8 for you, if there's anything specific.

Well as far as my critiquing scale goes (and this applies to everything I critique across all mediums), everything starts at a 5 and either goes up or down depending on its positives and negatives. Typically what takes away from a score is stuff like writing errors, plot holes, inconsistencies and the like; but that being said it means that a story written 100% correctly will still only sit at a 5/10 for me. Unfortunately that means that what makes it higher than that drifts into areas that are less objectively measurable than grammar mistakes or inconsistencies—things like how emotionally engaging it is or how good a character is, or the quality of the prose.

So with the exception of the chain issue I liked the excellent writing and Utgar's character and stuff like that, but at the same time there were elements that felt incomplete (not in a harmful way but in a missed opportunity way): like we never found out what they were mining for and that never really came into the plot, or the villain wasn't quite as compelling as he could've been as a mirror to what Utgar will eventually become or whatever.

This is all more in the realm of subjectivity of course and as such it's hard to take as sound advice (because it's hardly necessary in regards to the quality of the actual writing itself or the overall goal of this piece which was to work on 3-Act Structure)—not to mention it simply won't bother others at all or they might offer advice in a completely opposite direction (for example I would say having a villain who's as interesting as our hero was would push it higher than an 8 but another reader might say Migol doesn't need that much development or character because this is Utgar's story and that's why they didn't rate it higher than an 8—same goes for wanting to see how Utgar becomes so evil vs. a reader saying that's unimportant and being glad it ended where it did), but nonetheless that is my reasoning. I need a relatively strong emotional impact to take something to a 9/10 (such as Kit: Young Ninja which really spoke to me despite not having a terribly well thought-out plot) or it needs to rock my world to make it to a 10/10 (like Silent Hill 2). Same goes for comedic tales just trade emotional impact for yucks.

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

As far as sequels... to be honest my writing has gone downhill in the past weeks to the point where I can't seem to write anything (see my FFC blog). Every project I start has problems, and interest only lasts a few days. I don't really know what the problem is. Right now it looks uncertain if I'll be writing anything.

Ah well, interest/writer's block... it affects us all. But you don't gotta be writing constantly all the time, and it will come back one way or another, so I suppose it all works out. I'd certainly not try to pressure you into writing something you don't want to, so no worries.

~TAF

[TGRF]

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

So with the exception of the chain issue I liked the excellent writing and Utgar's character and stuff like that, but at the same time there were elements that felt incomplete (not in a harmful way but in a missed opportunity way): like we never found out what they were mining for and that never really came into the plot, or the villain wasn't quite as compelling as he could've been as a mirror to what Utgar will eventually become or whatever.

Incomplete things do seem to be a bit of a pattern with me. I need to find the balance between making everything in a story relevant to the story, and still somehow exploring everything worth exploring.

That being said, the mining does play a larger part in Eternity and I do know what they were mining and why. It isn't explained because the prisoners don't know and don't care.

As far as Orm (not Migol - that's CoN) not being super compelling, I'm chalking that up to a lack of screen-time, which of course makes sense given the setting and the length of the story. And my struggles with the 3-act-structure, which I still can't balance quite right. All of the acts are getting condensed (especially act 2), so I'm a bit lacking in the 'depth' department so far.

As for the writing, I'm going back and forth. I really don't know what the problem is; I keep having troubles with every idea I get. But at least I'm still getting ideas, so...

I'd say a continuation of these prequels is just as likely as me writing anything else right now.

~TGRF.

[TGRF]

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

I need a relatively strong emotional impact to take something to a 9/10 (such as Kit: Young Ninja which really spoke to me despite not having a terribly well thought-out plot)

On a whim, I checked your rating for Kit and found that you gave it an 8. Do you want to update that to a 9?

~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

On a whim, I checked your rating for Kit and found that you gave it an 8. Do you want to update that to a 9?

~TGRF.

See, this is why you can't really take anything I say too much to heart

I guess why not update it? Though perhaps a second reading would solidify my thoughts or remind me of some reason why I gave it an 8 originally

Either way, the main reason I liked this one was that it oozed so much charm. Charm is something that's very difficult to measurably produce without an audience to gauge it from, so perhaps if your or my writing travels ever go there there's secrets worth mining in here somewhere.

~TAF

[TGRF]

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

I really want to see the journey that leads the character in this story to the guy who is okay with summoning Marro and sending his own daughter into battle.

I'd read more of this character's journey because I'd be curious to see how he and his daughter become such assholes.

~TAF

I'm still drifting around various ideas about where to go next with Eternity, and I keep coming back to this comment.

I'm curious: why wouldn't Utgar be okay with summoning marro?

~TGRF, not saying Utgar would be okay necessarily...

[TheAverageFan]

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

I'm still drifting around various ideas about where to go next with Eternity, and I keep coming back to this comment.

I'm curious: why wouldn't Utgar be okay with summoning marro?

~TGRF, not saying Utgar would be okay necessarily...

Well, they're... pretty evil... It's just an example: the same'd go with Orcs and killer robots, etc.

Or maybe it's like solving a problem by bringing cockroaches into your home.

~TAF

[TGRF]

@TheAverageFan and anyone else who is interested:

While trying to come up with the next story for Eternity, I've been off and on developing the world for Eternity - my interpretation of Valhalla. The details on various random cities and locations are getting a bit out of hand, and I needed somewhere to put all of the details which are locked into place, somewhere I can view them in an orderly manner.

There are websites which will basically let you create a wiki for such things - for a price. So, naturally, I stole that idea and made my own wiki, which is - admittedly - nowhere near as nice-looking, but is at least functional and gets the job done.

The wiki is VERY sparse on information at the moment, and is still well under construction, but if anyone is interested, they can view it here. You should be able to see some of the setting for what is coming. I'll add the link to the OP when the next story comes out, or when I'm happier with the interface. Whichever comes first.

And again: the site is owned by me. No ads or programs.

~TGRF, with the power of multi-sites.