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#601
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Re: The Joke Thread
Joke of the Day
How do you shoot a killer bee?
Spoiler Alert!
I apologize so much I am way too busy and have managed to lose 3 days! this is may 8ths joke |
#602
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Re: The Joke Thread
Joke of the Day
What starts with P, ends in E, and has a million letters in it?
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Once again apologize, this is may 9ths joke |
#603
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Re: The Joke Thread
Joke of the Day
What type of dog keeps the best time?
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#604
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Re: The Joke Thread
Joke of the Day
A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that you’re dog is dead, too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. So the vet brings in a black Labrador retriever. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.” The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.” “$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaims the man. “Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests. |
#605
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Re: The Joke Thread
Joke of the Day
As the movie progressed I was getting more and more annoyed, WILL THEY EVER BE QUIET? I silently fumed. Finally after close to a half hour into the movie I tapped the blabbermouth in front of me on the shoulder and politely said, “excuse me Ma’am but I can’t hear.” “YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO!” she exclaimed, “THIS IS A CONFIDENTIAL DISCUSSION!" |
#606
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Re: The Joke Thread
Joke of the Day
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers... The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" |
#607
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Re: The Joke Thread
Joke of the Day
What do you call a cow that cant produce milk?
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#608
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Re: The Joke Thread
Alright, I didnt want to do this but I have no choice. I am unbelievably busy, and as you have noticed have not had the time to post jokes. And the worst part is that my business is only getting worse over the next 4 years. I am sad and sorry to do this, but I have to quit the Joke thread project. Many of you have loved these jokes and I am so sorry to have to quit. But because of this love for comedy, I need a successor. Someone who would be willing to take my place posting jokes, every single day. If you are interested PM me to be considered and if no one wants to replace me or no one can, I will shut down the every day joke project.
Sorry, Rexmax2 the retired Joker |
#609
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Re: The Joke Thread, with needed joker.
It may not be daily, but I'll give it a shot:
A blonde decides to learn and try horseback riding assisted without any experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of sheer terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is moments away from unconsciousness or even death
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#610
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Re: The Joke Thread
Quote:
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#611
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Re: The Joke Thread, with needed joker.
A little old lady has an appointment with a doctor.
"Doctor, I have a problem. You see, I can't stop farting. In fact, I must have farted 20 times since I've been in this room. They don't smell, and they don't make a sound, but it bothers me ever so much." The doctor instantly replies: "Why of course ma'am. I have the cure for you. Just take two of these pills a week and then come back and see me in a month." A month later, the little old lady goes back to the doctor, and she's as angry as a riled up bull! She's looks like she's about to go and chew out the doctor. "Doctor, I don't know what those pills did, but they sure have made things worse! I still fart as much as ever, but now they smell awful!" "Excellent. Now that we've fixed you sinus problem, let's see what we can do for your hearing." |
#612
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The Joke Thread, with SirGalahad!
Joke of the Day Groaner Alert: A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any helicopter-flavored potato chips. The bartender says
Spoiler Alert!
I did warn you. Last edited by SirGalahad; June 13th, 2014 at 10:08 AM. |
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