Heroscapers
Go Back   Heroscapers > HeroScapers Community > Fan Art & Fiction
Fan Art & Fiction Graphic & Literary works bound only by the imagination


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old February 25th, 2011, 05:15 PM
Orcs Blade's Avatar
Orcs Blade Orcs Blade is offline
 
Join Date: June 28, 2009
Location: Mirrors that you aren't looking at (MD)
Posts: 1,342
Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker
Kit: Young Ninja

This is my first (real) fan-fic. This is also based off of one of my characters in Prison Faction, Kit. So, I hope you guys like it, feedback is appreciated. Also, the idea of writing a character's background came from bumper15.



The little village was situated several leagues north of Einar’s soutern-most fortress. It was in a clam, peacefull valley, hidden and protected by the lush green hills and its out-of-the-way location. The village was a happy one, and a peaceful one too. Kit’s father, Rayolm Starbringer was the village chieftain, and no one in their right minds committed crime around him. He was a powerful mage, and he was special because he, unlike many others, sought no more power. He was content with his lot in life, keeping the peace in this small town and raising his young son. His only sorrow was his wife, three years dead now. Rayolm got up and walked out into the street. For a powerful wizard, he was a disappointing figure, only about five feet and eight inches tall, and thin as well. He carried a small staff, almost like a walking stick, except it had a small sapphire in the wood at the top. He was clad in simple blue robes, without all the swirling, mystical symbols many wizards chose to dress themselves with. He didn’t see the point of such things. As he walked down the street, he greeted everyone he saw with a smile and a few words. Everyone in this close-knit community knew each other. A couple of kids came barreling down the street, and Ryolm smiled sadly. The first boy was tall and good looking, with sandy hair and clear, green eyes, and the second boy was shorter, with dark hair and grey eyes. Both looked very athletic, and both wore swords, although they, even at fifteen, still played around like five-year-olds. Also, although they didn’t look it, they were both masters of their weapons of choice. The taller one was a knight through and through, and he fought with a straight sword, a lance, and a mace or battle-axe. The smaller boy opted for a more subtle approach, with two smaller katanasm, several shruikans, and knives, as well as an odd assortment of weapons including nun chucks and throwing knives. As they raced past, the smaller one called out, “Hi Dad!”
The other one yelled, “Hi Mr. Starbringer!” And then they were past, speeding off to terrorize some innocent villager. Rayolm sighed. Kit and Derrick were getting harder and harder to control, he knew. Kit was his son, and Derrick was Kit’s best friend. The two of them were inseparable, and both shared a love for being irrepressible trouble-makers. He sighed again. Ever since his wife had died, the two boys had gotten wilder and wilder, and one day they were going to go to far, he knew. Still, he hesitated to do anything. If Rayolm Starbringer had one weak spot, it was through his son. He loved his son with all his heart, and wouldn’t want to do anything that would upset him.

As Grodlom Axeswinger walked into the elaborately set up trap, the boys could barely contain their laughter. The main reason that it was funny was because it would have been obvious that there was a trap to anyone other than Grodlom (for he didn’t have the brightest of minds), for there were ropes strung all over and above the road. The boys waited in anticipation, and as he tripped over the first rope, the two burst into un-controllable laughter. Gordlom fell flat on his face as he went over the wire, and landed in a pile of dung. He got up, spitting and cursing and grabbed the first thing nearby to steady himself. That first thing happened to be a lever. As he pressed, it gave way and he fell over again, and a bucket of tar was dumped on him. The boys were now rolling around on the ground at the sight of Grodlom lying around in the dirt, completely covered in tar. He got up unsteadily, and staggered towards them, his hand going towards his axe, but Kit yanked on a rope and a bucket of pan-stakingly gathered feathers fell on him. He kept coming, pulling the axe off of his back (where he carried it). The smiles faded from the faces of the boys and they stumbled back, Derrick pulling out his sword. As Grodlom swung the axe, Derrick smacked it to one side, frightened by the look of fierce hatred on Grodlom’s face. Grodlom swung it again, and Kit threw a shruiken, slicing off the top section of the handle. The axe head flew towards Derrick, rotating end over end in a spinning arc of destruction. Derrick leaped out of the way just in time and the axe head hit a tree. As Derrick went backward his sword was held out near Grodlom, and, with a vengeful snap of his wrist, he beheaded the warrior. Kit, who had been forced to dive to the ground to avoid the axe, didn’t see this, but when he looked up, he cried out in horror, “What did you do?!”
Derrick’s face turned ashen as he realized what he had done in a flash of blind rage, “It was an accident!” he protested.
Kit looked in horror at the decapitated head of Grodlom, then turned away, sickened.

EDIT-I feel like I might have made him die to soon in the story...does it fit well or no?

Orcs Blade is Evar Scarcarver...
in theTWILIGHT CAVE...

Last edited by Orcs Blade; February 25th, 2011 at 05:20 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old February 25th, 2011, 06:24 PM
BassistofDoom's Avatar
BassistofDoom BassistofDoom is offline
 
Join Date: January 30, 2010
Location: USA - MD - Baltimore
Posts: 1,366
BassistofDoom knows what's in an order marker BassistofDoom knows what's in an order marker BassistofDoom knows what's in an order marker
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

I like your story so far! I don't know about whether the random killing really fits or not so I will wait to say anything until you post more to see if it leads to something.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old February 25th, 2011, 06:38 PM
leifstorm leifstorm is offline
 
Join Date: February 22, 2011
Location: USA - MD
Posts: 1
leifstorm is a puppet of Ne-Gok-Sa
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

cool story!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old February 25th, 2011, 07:31 PM
Orcs Blade's Avatar
Orcs Blade Orcs Blade is offline
 
Join Date: June 28, 2009
Location: Mirrors that you aren't looking at (MD)
Posts: 1,342
Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

Chapter 2

Derrick stood in the middle of the circle of villagers, a look of disdain on his face. Kit, in the crowd, looked on with a surge of remorse for his friend. He hadn’t reported Derrick, but Derrick had been discovered by Rayolm’s magic. Rayolm walked slowly up to a platform in the center, a look of infinite sorrow on his face. He turned to face Derrick, “You, Derrick Sunnwalker, have been accused of the crime of murder.” The words dropped from his mouth like bars of lead. “It has been proven that you did, in fact, kill Grodlom Axeswinger. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Derrick didn’t move, the look of disdain fixed on his face as if he had worn it for forever. After about a minute of waiting, Rayolm sighed and looked sorrowfully at the ground. Then he looked up heavily. “Then I must pass your sentence.” He looked appealingly at Derrik. Derrik did nothing. Rayolm wet his lips desperately. “Come, Derrik, there must be something you wish to say?” Derrik said nothing. Kit looked on despairingly as his father was forced to pass sentence on his best friend. There were only two punishments for murder. Death or banishment from Einar’s lands for life (Rayolm got authority for this from Einar himself). Rayolm sighed heavily again, “Then I will pronounce your punishment…banishment from all of Einar’s lands and holdings, for as long as you live. You have forty-eight hours to leave.” He sighed and turned away.

Kit went up to Derrik, who was all packed up and ready to leave. Derrik saw him and turned away. “Go away.”
“I’m so sorry, Derrik.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
Kit sadly told him, “You’re still my friend, you know.”
Derrik looked at him coldly, “You’re no friend of mine.”
“Let me come with you!” Kit pleaded desperately!
“No.”
Kit watched his erstwhile friend walk away out of town, and he felt like his heart was being broken down the middle. He’d known Derrik all of his life. Derrik had always been there, a comforting, consoling presence when Kit was in trouble. Kit felt like the earth had been taken out from under him. Making a decision, he went back to his house and gathered his belongings. He quietly slipped out the back way, filled with a new determination. He would go with Derrik, whether Derrik liked it or not.

Also, feedback is appreciated. I only realized how much feedback matters when I started this.

~Orcs Blade, pleadingly

Orcs Blade is Evar Scarcarver...
in theTWILIGHT CAVE...

Last edited by Orcs Blade; February 25th, 2011 at 08:43 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old February 25th, 2011, 10:02 PM
Dadnarg434's Avatar
Dadnarg434 Dadnarg434 is offline
 
Join Date: August 11, 2010
Location: Canada, BC, Maple Ridge
Posts: 130
Dadnarg434 is surprisingly tart
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

I like your story so far. I agree with BassistofDoom, not so sure about the random killing. I also don't really understand why Derrick suddenly is avoiding is long-time best companion. Maybe out of shame? I have to read more to find out.
However, I think the opening really sets the scene for some awesome stuff to come. Looking forward to more

Check out my new gigantic customs and my
custom thread,
As well as my fan fic:
"The Rise of Hel"
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old February 25th, 2011, 10:03 PM
Orcs Blade's Avatar
Orcs Blade Orcs Blade is offline
 
Join Date: June 28, 2009
Location: Mirrors that you aren't looking at (MD)
Posts: 1,342
Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

The random killing was the way that I thought of that seemed to fit best in getting Derrik exiled...and I wanted to show the more violent side of his personality. I'll probably have the next part up tomorrow.

Orcs Blade is Evar Scarcarver...
in theTWILIGHT CAVE...
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old February 25th, 2011, 10:05 PM
BassistofDoom's Avatar
BassistofDoom BassistofDoom is offline
 
Join Date: January 30, 2010
Location: USA - MD - Baltimore
Posts: 1,366
BassistofDoom knows what's in an order marker BassistofDoom knows what's in an order marker BassistofDoom knows what's in an order marker
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

Perhaps he is setting the stage for them to become enemies later on. It certainly started out fast with a simple prank turning into murder and banishment but I have a feeling the more you post the more it will smooth out in a way.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old February 26th, 2011, 07:53 AM
bumper15 bumper15 is offline
 
Join Date: March 13, 2010
Location: USA - PA
Posts: 837
bumper15 is surprisingly tart
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

This is excellent! I'm more concerned with the fact that Derrick just shunned Kit. It didn't seem like shame to me but just plain hatred or envy. Oh well! Can't wait to see where this leads.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old February 26th, 2011, 09:34 AM
Orcs Blade's Avatar
Orcs Blade Orcs Blade is offline
 
Join Date: June 28, 2009
Location: Mirrors that you aren't looking at (MD)
Posts: 1,342
Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

Thanks for the support. Also, you guys both have really close guesses in the respective areas that you are posting about.

I should have the next part up later today.

Orcs Blade is Evar Scarcarver...
in theTWILIGHT CAVE...
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old February 26th, 2011, 09:37 AM
Ninja Dust
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

Awesome I can't wate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old February 26th, 2011, 10:06 AM
Orcs Blade's Avatar
Orcs Blade Orcs Blade is offline
 
Join Date: June 28, 2009
Location: Mirrors that you aren't looking at (MD)
Posts: 1,342
Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

Chapter 3
Kit wandered through the forest, searching for Derrick. It had been three days since Kit and Derrik left town, and Kit was getting desperate. He needed to find Derrik before he got too far away. Kit had no intention of staying away from his village for ever, he just wanted to find Derrik, and find some way to get him back into Einar’s land, whether he had to talk to Einar himself or smuggle him in. Food and water were not problems for Kit, for he could find food everywhere in a forest, and he had a large water-skin that he re-filled at every possible opportunity. He wandered the lonely trail, looking for someone who could tell him if they had seen Derrik. He was unaware that he was being watched. He came up to a glade with a stream, and stopped to get a drink. He sat there by the edge of the stream thinking. As he sat there, he heard a small noise behind him, and he froze. Then he relaxed, gradually inching one hand towards one of his katanas. Kit heard the noise again, and leaped into the air, spinning to face it and pulling out a katana. He was facing a boy of about twelve years, standing in the shadow of a tree. He didn’t relax for a moment…age could be deceptive. The boy smiled “I wondered when you would notice me,” he said.
Kit looked at him, “Who are you?”
The boy smiled again, “The better question would be for me to ask who you are.”
Kit frowned, “Is that any of your business?” he asked.
The boy’s smile broadened, “You just made it my business!”
Kit unsheathed his other katana.
The boy gave Kit that eerie smile again, “Not the brightest of ideas.” The boy took out a horn and blew it. The sound echoed through the forest, an eerie, haunting note, speaking of ages past and powers long forgotten. Kit shivered. Figures began appearing in the shadows, and an arrow flew at him, he leaped out of the way. Another arrow flew, and he parried it with a katana. As another arrow flew out of the trees, he jumped over it, throwing a shruikan at the boy. The boy smiled and disappeared, appearing in the shadow of another tree right beside Kit, and reaching out with a large knife that had appeared out of nowhere. Kit parried the unexpected attack rather clumsily, and an arrow struck him in the thigh. He screamed as his leg crumpled beneath him, and gradually darkness came over him. The last thing that he saw before passing out was the boy, standing over him and smiling.

EDIT-I have another chapter ready, but I'm gonna wait for some feedback.

Orcs Blade is Evar Scarcarver...
in theTWILIGHT CAVE...

Last edited by Orcs Blade; February 26th, 2011 at 11:22 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old February 26th, 2011, 11:55 AM
Orcs Blade's Avatar
Orcs Blade Orcs Blade is offline
 
Join Date: June 28, 2009
Location: Mirrors that you aren't looking at (MD)
Posts: 1,342
Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker Orcs Blade knows what's in an order marker
Re: Kit: Young Ninja

Alright never mind I'll just post the next chapter.

Chapter 4
Kit awoke, groaning. He couldn’t see anything. Everything was black. He heard a voice right in front of him, saying “So you’re awake?”
Kit looked for him, but couldn’t see him, or anything else for that matter. He tried to raise a hand in front of his face. He couldn’t. That darkness was strange, because he could feel that there wasn’t anything on his face. A horrible thought occurred to him…was he blind?
The voice in front of him continued, “You see, you’re not allowed to see where we live, so you were blinded.”
Kit let out an involuntary moan. The voice told him, “Don’t worry, it will wear off…eventually.” Kit could hear retreating footsteps and laughter going down somewhere as the speaker exited. Kit cursed the speaker, cursed the kid with the creepy smile, and cursed himself for getting into this. He felt with his fingers to discover what held him down. It was a simple rope. He carefully twisted his arm to such an angle that a small knife fell out of his sleeve into his hand. He smiled grimly. It was hard to disarm him completely. He carefully sawed off as much of the rope as he could feel, and felt the pressure on his arm vanish. He reached over to his other arm and began sawing, and soon he was free. Purely out of habit, he lit a match that was hidden in a secret compartment of his boot…and he saw it flare into existence. He looked at it in wonder for a couple of seconds, and then realized what the speaker had been doing to his mind and cursed again. He looked around he now dimly lit cell. Room, he corrected himself. His captors hadn’t thought that they needed to put him in a cell, apparently. He smiled grimly again, Last mistake they’ll ever make. He saw a torch in a far corner, and lit it with his match. The room flared into better focus. He saw that he had been lying on a cot propped up against the wall. There was a small table in the corner, and that was it. The walls were painted black and grey. On further inspection, they turned out to be made of rock. He looked around the room for a door. There was none. He frowned and started pushing all the rocks, seeing if some were loose. After a while, he felt one give slightly. He pushed harder, and it swung open on well oiled hinges, revealing more blackness. Kit thrust the torch through the opening, and it revealed a narrow stone corridor, furnished with…nothing. He crawled through the opening into the corridor. He had to find his weapons and get out of here.

Orcs Blade is Evar Scarcarver...
in theTWILIGHT CAVE...
Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   Heroscapers > HeroScapers Community > Fan Art & Fiction
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Engaged? At such a young age!? Remi Official Rules & FAQ's 17 August 4th, 2010 04:06 PM
Influx of young posters loborocket General 94 June 26th, 2009 09:13 PM
How young to play? The_Finder HeroScape General Discussion 41 June 3rd, 2009 12:14 PM
Too Young for Star Wars? CheddarLimbo Movies 53 September 10th, 2008 06:13 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:59 PM.

Heroscape background footer

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.