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  #841  
Old November 23rd, 2014, 09:52 AM
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The Joke Thread!

Joke of the Day


Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. They hear about a bull for sale in Abilene and decide the brunette sister will drive out to check out the animal.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram telling my sister that I've bought a bull and I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just $.99 a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left.

She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she says, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable'."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if all you send her is the word 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slowly:
'com - for - da - bul'."



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  #842  
Old November 23rd, 2014, 11:10 AM
mtl1998 mtl1998 is offline
 
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Re: The Joke Thread

Haha, that's funny.
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  #843  
Old November 24th, 2014, 03:45 AM
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The Joke Thread!

Joke of the Day


A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wits' end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!"



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  #844  
Old November 24th, 2014, 03:40 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread

This is the thread I go to when I want some laughs. Keep up the great work!

Oops, rolled a 1.
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  #845  
Old November 25th, 2014, 11:11 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread!

Joke of the Day

What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night?
Spoiler Alert!


Repaints My Maps Online Maps Customs
QC3 CHOPS Grand Chamion Announced
mac122 is the Best HeroScape Chef

What is The MollusClash's biggest radio hit?
Spoiler Alert!
Dr.Goomonkey is Toril Elemental...
in BLUE CAVE
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  #846  
Old November 25th, 2014, 11:23 PM
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MegaSilver MegaSilver is offline
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Re: The Joke Thread!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr.Goomonkey View Post
Joke of the Day

What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night?
Spoiler Alert!

So good, it goes from to
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  #847  
Old November 26th, 2014, 11:09 AM
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The Joke Thread!

Joke of the Day


A lady walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the lady hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the lady returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The lady replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"



I know that I do not know.
C3G INDEX - WAVE 40 - WAR OF THE INDEPENDENTS
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  #848  
Old November 27th, 2014, 11:24 AM
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SirGalahad SirGalahad is offline
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The Joke Thread!

Joke of the Day


A missionary recruit goes to Venezuela for the first time, and struggles mightily with the language. He visits one of the local churches and sits in the front row, hoping to glean some of the local vernacular.

So as not to make a fool of himself, he decides to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He decides to follow the man sitting next to him in the front pew. As they sing, the man claps his hands, so the missionary recruit claps, too. When the man stands up to pray, the missionary recruit stands up, too. When the man sits down, the missionary sits down.

Later in the service, the man next to him stands up again, so the missionary stands up, too.

Suddenly a hush falls over the entire congregation. A few people gasp. The missionary looks around and sees that no one else is standing. So he sits down.

After the service ends, the missionary recruit greets the preacher. "I take it you don't speak Spanish," the preacher says.

The missionary replies, "No, I don't. It's that obvious?"

"Well yes," the preacher says. "I announced that the Acosta family had a new-born baby boy, and I asked the proud father to please stand up."



I know that I do not know.
C3G INDEX - WAVE 40 - WAR OF THE INDEPENDENTS
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  #849  
Old November 28th, 2014, 12:08 PM
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The Joke Thread!

Joke of the Day


A man rushes into drugstore and asks the pharmacist for something guaranteed to stop hiccups. The pharmacist slowly pours a glass of water and when it was full he picks it up, suddenly screams at the top of his lungs, and throws the water into the man's face.

"Why did you do that?" the man yells angrily.

"Well you don't have hiccups now do you?" replies the pharmacist.

"NO!" shouts the man. "But my wife in the car still does!"



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C3G INDEX - WAVE 40 - WAR OF THE INDEPENDENTS
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  #850  
Old November 29th, 2014, 03:26 PM
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Marro_Warlord Marro_Warlord is offline
 
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Re: The Joke Thread, new jokes everyday!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rexmax2 View Post
Joke of the Day


There was a captain sailing on the sea during a battle. His servant came up to him and the captain said, "bring me my red shirt".

So, the servant did as the captain said.

After that the servant came up to the captain and said, Why did you say bring me my red shirt"?

The captain said, "Well if i get shot they won't see the blood.

The next day the servant came up to the captain and said, "There are 50 ships on the horizon."

The captain said, "Bring me my brown pants."
He will get shot. Think Star Trek.

Oops, rolled a 1.
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  #851  
Old November 29th, 2014, 03:26 PM
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SirGalahad SirGalahad is offline
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The Joke Thread!

Joke of the Day



A pastor went over to an elderly member's house to see how she was
doing. Seated on the sofa and very hungry, he spotted on the coffee
table a bowl of almonds. A little timid, he asked, "Do you mind if I
have one?"

The woman was quite reluctant but said, "No, go ahead."

An hour later, he was in disbelief that he had finished off the whole bowl!

"Oh I'm so sorry about all the almonds!" he said as he stood to leave.

"Oh, don't worry about it. All I can do is suck the chocolate off since
I lost all of my teeth."



I know that I do not know.
C3G INDEX - WAVE 40 - WAR OF THE INDEPENDENTS
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  #852  
Old November 30th, 2014, 11:19 AM
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SirGalahad SirGalahad is offline
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The Joke Thread!

Joke of the Day


Three elderly ladies are discussing the trials of getting older.

One says, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimes in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responds, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," and raps her knuckles on the table, then looks up and says, "That must be the door, I'll get it."



I know that I do not know.
C3G INDEX - WAVE 40 - WAR OF THE INDEPENDENTS
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