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  #253  
Old July 23rd, 2012, 02:23 AM
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

"Previously on Battles of Valhalla. Drake and his men arrived at their destination. Upon arrival he met some forces from both the Vikings and the Scots. From behind, Denrick and his faithful knights march forth. As the men gathered, he now belives that he has a fighting chance."

Spoiler Alert!


Another exciting chapter is over. Stay tuned for more chapters coming their way. The story is quickly coming to a close. So please give me any feed back of what you think so far. For the battle of all time has just begun.
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  #254  
Old July 26th, 2012, 02:38 AM
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

Hey Everyone. Just letting you guys no that I will be on hiatus for awhile. I'm going on vacation and won't be back for a week or so. Until then please do comment and tell what you like of the story so far, what you think and I'll be seeing you soon.

Bro-man is a Minion of Utgar...
in the
The Cave of Christmas Celebration...
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  #255  
Old August 3rd, 2012, 09:59 PM
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

Hey guys I got from vacation! It was awesome and I'm ready to post more chapters. I will post one soon so be sure to stay tuned when it comes.

Bro-man is a Minion of Utgar...
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The Cave of Christmas Celebration...
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  #256  
Old August 6th, 2012, 12:51 AM
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

"Previously on Battles of Valhalla. Drake and his men assemble. The blue skinned warriors were the first to arrive. When they were close they turned toward the hills. With a little help from the Omnicrons, they brought down a rider and angered them greatly. Drake will need everything he has learned to pull his men through."

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Hope you enjoyed. Stay tuned for next chapter.
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  #257  
Old August 9th, 2012, 09:18 PM
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

"Previously on Battles of Valhalla. Drake and his men have defeated the first wave of attackers. However, the warriors they faced was but a small fraction compared to the entire army. Drake now wonders if he will be able to pull out of this at all."

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Short chapter I know. More chapters coming in soon. Stay tuned and do comment what you think so far.
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  #258  
Old August 12th, 2012, 01:44 AM
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

"Previously on Battles of Valhalla. The enemy has brought there full force to bear on Drake and his men. He will need everything in his strength to repel them."

* Not in perspective of Sgt. Drake

Spoiler Alert!



Hope you enjoyed more chapters coming soon. Stayed tuned and please do comment.
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  #259  
Old August 15th, 2012, 05:39 PM
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

This is intense. I've finally managed to catch up. I still recommend you check your spelling and grammar but keep it up.
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  #260  
Old August 15th, 2012, 10:54 PM
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

Hey thanks Bumper. I will work on the grammer and spelling issues. Anything that stood out to you so far?

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  #261  
Old August 16th, 2012, 01:22 PM
bumper15 bumper15 is offline
 
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

Grammarwise? Like GRF said, "stared" instead of "starred", but I noticed other words that take similar mistakes when put into the past tense, "hamstringed" instead of "hamstrung" comes to mind. You've done a much better job keeping the story in one tense, I didn't catch any mistakes with that in the last story. The biggest problem right now is just simple mistakes that can be fixed by a careful read through before posting.

Note: I am not GRF so I am not a grammar expert. These mistakes were just the ones that stuck out to me.
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  #262  
Old August 18th, 2012, 01:08 AM
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He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

I'm not a grammar expert either. I've had grammar drilled into me, and can't help but notice these things. It gets kind of annoying some times.
@Bro-Man. I'll catch up eventually...
EDIT: Although I completely missed that hamstrung one. Good spot, bumper.

Eternity Prequels - Editing
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  #263  
Old August 18th, 2012, 01:58 AM
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He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

Okay, comment time! I have read chapter 25. Once again, you write really well, and your only problem is grammar and spelling. If you can get that cleared up, we're going to have some serious competition for the best author around. I kid you not.
Your main issues are the tense shifts, especially with has. You keep on using that one where you should use have or had instead. I would suggest reading through what you've written before posting it, and seeing if it sounds right. That would weed out a lot of the problems. The rest of it is mainly tiny grammar stuff, and spelling. You seem to either switch two letters around a lot, or use different combinations to reach the same sound. It was mildly confusing with the viking trails. I believe you meant 'trials.' Other than that, your writing is great. Once again, if you can get this stuff cleared up, you are going to have a lot of readers. You deserve them after all this work you've done, and you'll get them, I assure you. Just don't go down the terrible path of typos, like I did.
~TGRF.

Eternity Prequels - Editing
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  #264  
Old August 18th, 2012, 02:03 PM
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He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Battles of Valhalla

Just finished reading chapters 26 and 27. Here's a few things I found.
First, when Drake is considering the map, he is taking note of the creak. I believe you wanted 'creek' there, as indeed you do later on in the chapter.
Quote:
I looked at Concan and he said back. "Well then, Drake, spit it out already!"
This is a common thing in writing these days. Not only is the 'already' at the end of the sentence grammatically incorrect, but it also makes no sense if you think about it. A lot of people seem to be writing like that, but it is completely incorrect.
Next, you use 'to' a lot where you should put 'too.' 'To' is a preposition (I went to the tree); 'too' is an adverb (I went too often).
Somewhere, you used laided. This is, um... not a word. I believe you wanted lay, but even I am confused by these. Lay, laid, lain... all very confusing.
Quote:
After another well placed blow the wolf lets go of his shoulder. It clung to the side of its face with one of its arms. Bubba punched it again on the other side and the wolf went back. He then uppercuts onto the other side and the wolf is turned around and is disoriented. He walks behind and wraps his arms around the wolf. He held tight and the wolfs arms were pinned together. He leans back and lifts the wolf up, shocking everyone by his strength.
Here's where your tenses get wierd. I'd help you out, but I'm not sure which tense you want. Do you want present progressive:
Quote:
After another well placed blow the wolf lets go of his shoulder. It clings to the side of its face with one of its arms. Bubba punches it again on the other side and the wolf goes back. He then uppercuts onto the other side and the wolf is turned around and is disoriented. He walks behind and wraps his arms around the wolf. He holds tight and the wolf's arms were pinned together. He leans back and lifts the wolf up, shocking everyone by his strength.
like so? Or do you want present perfect (I think that's what it is):
Quote:
After another well placed blow the wolf let go of his shoulder. It clung to the side of its face with one of its arms. Bubba punched it again on the other side and the wolf went back. He then uppercut onto the other side and the wolf was turned around and was disoriented. He walked behind and wrapped his arms around the wolf. He held tight and the wolf's arms were pinned together. He leaned back and lifted the wolf up, shocking everyone by his strength.
like so? Let me know which one is the tense you are aiming for.
And finally, a regular comment.
Quote:
Gather Kelda, Concan, and Kelda as well.
I guess he really wants Kelda in there.
I shall now read the final chapters.
EDIT: As of right now, I am caught up. Full steam ahead, Bro Man! Just read over what you have written before you post it. That will get rid of well over half of your grammar issues.

Eternity Prequels - Editing
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Last edited by The Grim Reaper's Friend; August 18th, 2012 at 02:58 PM.
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