The Joke Thread

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

My English teacher was so mad at the formatting of my paper.

Spoiler Alert!

It just wasn't justified!

Submit your jokes!

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

Spoiler Alert!

There was a face off in the corner

[Rexmax2]

Enter the new Valentines day Joke contest!

Submit a Valentines day themed joke and I will rank them and then the winner will be the Valentines day Jok-King!

All entries must be received by February 10, 2014 to be judged on time!

Good luck and happy Valentines day

The Joker

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "is the bar tender here?"

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

A man needs to buy a horse. He stops by a neighboring farm and sees a sign that says "Horse for Sale $100". This is too much money so he moves on. At the next farm he sees a sign that says "Horse for Sale $50". That's still out of his price range so once again he moves on.
Then he comes across a farm with a sign that says "Horse for Sale $25". He goes to the door and tells the farmer that he will buy the horse. The farmer suggests that the man check out the horse first. The man says he doesn't need to see the horse because the price is right. The farmer says "Alright, but I have to warn you, he doesn't look too good". The man buys the horse and brings him home.
The next day the man goes out to ride his new horse. He gets on him and the horse walks right into the side of the barn. The man gets off the horse and waves his hand in front of the horse's eyes and realizes the horse can't see. He brings the horse back to the farmer and demands his money back because the horse is blind. The farmer says to the man "I told you before you bought him that he doesn't look too good".

Submit your valentines jokes!

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

A guy phones a lawyer and asks, "how much would you charge to answer 3 questions?" The lawyer hesitates a bit and replies, "five hundred dollars." The guy exclaims, "that's a lot of money for answering 3 questions isn't it?". And the lawyer says, "Yes, it is. What's your third question?"

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV the old man shouted ...
"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!"

[Rexmax2]

Enter the new Valentines day Joke contest!

Submit a Valentines day themed joke and I will rank them and then the winner will be the Valentines day Jok-King!

All entries must be received by February 10, 2014 to be judged on time!

Good luck and happy Valentines day

The Joker

[Rexmax2]

Only 5 days left to submit your jokes!

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

A catholic priest, a baptist preacher and a lutheran minister are all fishing in a boat in a lake.
The priest looks around and says "We forgot the drinks." So he jumps out of the boat, runs across the water to the shore and runs across the water back with the drinks.
Some time passes by and the minister says "We forgot the sandwiches." So he, like the Orthodox priest, jumps out of the boat, runs across the water to the shore and runs back with the sandwiches.
The preacher thinks to himself "Hey, these two men of God could run on water, therefore I should be able to as well." So some time passes when he says "We forgot the fishing licenses." He jumps out of the boat and falls into the water! The Protestant minister looks to the Orthodox priest and says "Do you think we should have told him about the rocks?"

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

Spoiler Alert!

Decaffeinated!

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

A computer programmer tells his wife that he is going out for a walk and asks her if she wants anything from the store. The wife says "Buy a pint of milk and if they have eggs buy a dozen". He comes back with a dozen pints of milk and says "They had eggs".