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  #1  
Old March 1st, 2013, 08:19 AM
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I need Warhammer jokes!

Ok folks, help me out here. We all know that "serious" gamers like Warhammer players make fun of Heroscape. Well this weekend I might be having a Warhammer player coming over to try out our baby.

So, in preparation, any good jokes everybody? Sarcasm and cruelty is allowed.

He seems to be a decent guy, but then again he is a Warhammer-er. (See, even the name is funny.)
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  #2  
Old March 1st, 2013, 09:47 AM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

I know this is 40k, but still too good to pass up

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4OYGjUrdll...071_90cb0f6456
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  #3  
Old March 1st, 2013, 01:16 PM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

I actually would not do or say anything unless he starts making comments on his own about how great Warhammer is or how simple Heroscape is. Once he reveals himself to be a GW snob, then tell him you came prepared for him and go into the other room.

When you return, have a jar full of quarters and dollar bills with a label on it that says Hasbro/GW tax, a tape measure, and an encyclopedia (or other thick book) with a new cover on it that says Heroscape Rules. Those 3 items should make him like the game more.

Inform him that every time he rolls a skull he must throw a quarter in the jar so that Hasbro can gouge him just as much as GW does. After counting out spaces for movement or a ranged attack, pull out the tape measure and then measure the same distance you just counted hexes for. Any time he wants to use a special power, grab the fake rule book and pretend to flip through it for 5 minutes before telling him that he can't use that special power after all because it is not accurately represented on the miniature figure he is using. If he'd like to use that special power the next time you play he will need to modify the unit accordingly.
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  #4  
Old March 1st, 2013, 02:31 PM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

Make sure you print out this:



Look at it frequently and write down long, complicated equations using a calculator and notepad. If he asks what it means just stare at him like he's an idiot.


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  #5  
Old March 1st, 2013, 06:21 PM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

If your friend is bringing his own figures, you could tell him that they aren't painted to Heroscape standards, and thus can't be used.

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Old March 1st, 2013, 08:43 PM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

Quote:
Originally Posted by orgsbane View Post
I know this is 40k, but still too good to pass up

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4OYGjUrdll...071_90cb0f6456

That was hilarious! Sums up my feelings on exactly what is wrong with the 40k game. Advanced, futuristic, high-tech weaponry, but it's better to run up to someone and punch them in the face.

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Old March 1st, 2013, 08:54 PM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

Quote:
Originally Posted by clancampbell View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by orgsbane View Post
I know this is 40k, but still too good to pass up

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4OYGjUrdll...071_90cb0f6456

That was hilarious! Sums up my feelings on exactly what is wrong with the 40k game. Advanced, futuristic, high-tech weaponry, but it's better to run up to someone and punch them in the face.
Agent Carr on the other hand...


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  #8  
Old March 1st, 2013, 09:12 PM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

This is so funny... I just went to check out a new gaming store in town, and they literally had nothing in stock but a case of M:TG cards and a few skimpy shelves of Warhammer...

There were a bunch of Immortal guys sitting in the back of the shop playing 40k. They started explaining it to my buddy and I. It was all quite... overwhelming, I guess.

I do favor Yodaking's answer to your dilemma, but I do have a joke that involves a reference to something else that you may recognize...

HSer: Wow, you must be immortal!
WHer: What are you talking about?
HSer: How do you kill that which has no life?
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  #9  
Old March 1st, 2013, 09:15 PM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

What faction does he play?

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  #10  
Old March 5th, 2013, 05:29 AM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

Thanks guys, He didn't come last weekend but this weekend he'll be over. These are great. Especially Yodaking's. I thought this was exactly what Warhammer was like. And of course I'm not going to say anything until he does. He plays with his 10 year old son, I'd guess he can't be too obsessive about the minutiae.

I think I'm going to try my favorite one liner whenever anyone complains that HS is too simple. "Yes, we all know that what makes a game like go or chess great is that you can't play it without a 10 ton rule book."

I *might* try some of Yodaking's more insidious jabs if he keeps it up after that. Especially about the special power not being properly represented. (If he's playing me, that is.)

Unfortunately, about the cost, folks there's a reason that HS is no longer being sold. And it wasn't because the units were too expensive.
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  #11  
Old March 5th, 2013, 06:35 PM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

I just suggest that you don't say anything if he starts making comparisons, for example he might say how LOS is handled differently in Warhammer than HS. Its not so much a crack at the game, as it is an observation.

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Last edited by flameslayer93; March 5th, 2013 at 06:36 PM. Reason: Or would I be the only one to take it that way?
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Old March 5th, 2013, 06:37 PM
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Re: I need Warhammer jokes!

LOS is the same in both games though.

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