LordVenoc's Legends of Vallhalla - Page 3

player_of_volleyball · #25 December 12th, 2006, 10:37 PM

nice report. really looking forward to your next entry!!!

LordVenoc · #26 December 13th, 2006, 05:24 PM

Here is the conclusion to the seven

part saga that was only supposed to be four.

Tales of the Tundra

Sudema's Grudge Part 2

There the two lay in front of Sudema. The wolf who had tried to destroy her and the son of that foolish elf girl Marhana. They would be easy victims to her Stare of Stone. "Dund!" she shrieked. "Roh," Dund barked. He knew exactly what to do. He stared at them and they became utterly paralyzed. Sudema came over to Khosumet and spoke to him. " Oh Khosumet, look into my eyes." Khosumet knew this was the end. Thanks to Dund he was paralyzed and could not do anything to save himself. He tried to look away as she loomed over him and then...
"Gah!" Sudema shrieked. A member of the Einar Imperium had backed her away from Khosumet. A Sentinal of Jander backed Dund away from Morsbane. Two more Sentinals and two more Imperium's landed next to the first ones. Behind each of their respective squads landed, Concan and Empress Kiova. Kiova spoke, "Einar had a feeling that I'd have to bail you out Khosumet." she said. She helped Khosumet up as Concan helped up Morsbane. When they looked back Sudema and Dund were gone. "There is no need for a fight here," Concan said to Kiova. "Yes there is no need, we have both suffered many casualties and we should all go home and recover. Kiova picked up Khosumet and flew away. Concan picked up Morsbane and flew away as well. All five generals now had an idea of the dangers of the tundra. Now it would be time for Jandar to try his hand at the Thaleneak Tundra...

Now that that's over comment's feedback and whatever is greatly appreciated.

johnny139 · #27 December 13th, 2006, 05:28 PM

Not bad, but it seemed... rushed.

LordVenoc · #28 December 13th, 2006, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Not bad, but it seemed... rushed.

What made it seem rushed to you? Please let me know. I have a good ending planned and I definently don't want it to seem rushed or anything like that.

johnny139 · #29 December 13th, 2006, 05:42 PM

Well, Sudema came, then tried to freeze them. No taunting, no evil speechs, no rants about how she's "waited 20 years for this moment!" Concan and Kiova just kinda appeared, and picked them up, and left. No real talking, they seemed 1D.

LordVenoc · #30 December 13th, 2006, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Well, Sudema came, then tried to freeze them. No taunting, no evil speechs, no rants about how she's "waited 20 years for this moment!" Concan and Kiova just kinda appeared, and picked them up, and left. No real talking, they seemed 1D.

Thanks johnny. Kiova and Concan were only there to bring back Morsbane and Khosumet but yeah I probably could and should have made that longer. And the rant thing, duh, I can't believe I forgot to put a rant in. I had a good taunting for Khosumet but nada for Sudema. Anyway I'll be posting part one of Jandar's attampt soon.

LordVenoc · #31 December 13th, 2006, 06:53 PM

Here is the next part.

Tales of the Tundra

Jandar's Move

Denrick was so excited. He had been hiking through the Thaleneak Tundra since yesterday and little had gone wrong. They had encountered al large snow beast which took down about one-third of their troops but they were still going strong. His remaining army consisted of ten Knights of Weston, five Dzu-Teh, and two Omnicron Snipers. About five minutes earlier an Omnicron reported that tthey were half-way to the center of the tundra. They continued for another hour and then it became too dark and they were forced to set up camp. They set up their tents and slept...

Utgar was ready to make another attempt at the Tundra. He would not send someone just to assasinate the other army, he would send the best team for the job. "Nerak!" he yelled. "Yes, my lord," Nerak said. "Go to the Thaleneak Tundra as soon as the sun rises take as many Glacian Heavy Gruts, Gruts, and Archers as you need,"Utgar said. "Sounds fun," Nerak said. Nerak left Utgar's throne room very happily. Tomorrow, he would achieve true glory...

The next morning Sir Denrick woke up, crawled out of his tent and looked around. There directly to his left was an enourmous glacier.Denrick couldn't see the top of it or around it. He saw a darkened hole leading into it as an Omnicron Sniper walked up to him. The Sniper spoke. "That glacier is the exact geographical center of the Thaleneak Tundra," it said. They had made it. They had found the center of the Thaleneak Tundra. The next step, find the secret...

Next up, The Secret of the Thaleneak Tundra.

johnny139 · #32 December 13th, 2006, 06:56 PM

Much better, but you use the word "said" too much. Use things like "shouted", "called", and such. Good, though. Oh, and may I ask, what's the difference between Glacian Heavy Gruts and normal Heavy Gruts?

LordVenoc · #33 December 13th, 2006, 07:10 PM

Pretty soon I plan on making customs for these. Glacian, as in Nerak the Galcian Swog Rider means that the gruts are glacian as in better suited for snow and ice. They gain better defense, like Nerak while in snow. And thank you very much for the feedback johnny 139. I think the secret of the tundra will really suprise people.

LordVenoc · #34 December 13th, 2006, 08:48 PM

Here is the last one for today, it's quite lengthy.

Tales of the Tundra

The Secret of the Tundra

Denrick and his troops stood at the mouth of the glacial cavern. "Let's go!" Denrick shouted. They walked into the glacier and saw...

Vydar was ready. He already had a force of Nakita Agents, Microcorp Agents, Krav Maga Agents, and Gorillanators marching in the footsteps of Jandar's troops. This way he would be just a few hours behind Jandar's army...

Einar was quite pleased with himself. Just hours ago he had sent Kaemon Awa and a large Tagawa force into the tundra. They were headed straight for the center. Kaemon Awa was a powerful Samurai and Einar was almost guaranteed victory. Best of all, Einar's troops would be marching right along side Utgar's army...

Utgar had grown weary. Since he wanted to be assured of victory, he would send the only creatures that could capture anything that stood in their way. Marros. Ki-Mo-Shi, Ne-Gok-Sa and a large force of Marrden Hounds and Marro Warriors would march along side the Glacian Gruts. His victory was assured...

Ullar's scouts warned him of Einar and Utgar's coming troops. He knew that that large of an army could easily make it to the center. So, Ullar had to make sure he could help Jandar and get there first. He sent the Venocs. The Venocs would be able to power through the tundra and make it to the center. He would have sent Charos but the wind in the Tundra practically prevents all flying so he would take quite some time to walk all the way to the center. So the Venocs were already on there way...

Jandar had been warned of the coming forces. So he sent the fastest troops he had, Vikings. Their berserker charge would get them through the tundra, and quick. He sent the champions Eldgrim, Finn, and Thorogrim for support. For backup he sent Alastair MacDirk and a large number of MacDirk Warriors. The tundra would soon belong to him and Ullar...

Denrick opened his eyes and saw the secret of the Thaleneak Tundra. It was a huge Dzu-Teh city. The building were made out of glaciers. They walked around the city and tried to talk to the Dzu-Teh walking the roads, but none of them paid any attention to the outsiders. They soon came upon a huge glacier with an inscription above the doorway. "It says mayor's office," a Dzu-Teh that was with Denrick said. "Good," Denrick muttered. "I need to have a word with him." And they entered the building...

When Denrick and his troops reached the top floor only him and a Dzu-Teh were aloud to enter the mayor's office. There was a black furred Dzu-Teh sitting behind the glacier desk. "Ah welcome friends," the mayor said warmly. "My name is Thaleneas and I'm the mayor of this good city. How may I help you?" He said. "Yeah," Denrick muttered. "Why won't any of the Dzu-Teh in this city talk?" Denrick asked. Thaleneas pretty much ignored him as a Dzu-Teh walked in and handed him a machine. On the machine was what looked like the head of a marro. Denrick stared at it in awe. "You see," Thaleneas began. "You are not the first to come across my city, the last one's to arrive made governing this city much easier." "How so?" Denrick asked. "You see one of the creatures that came had the ability to well, i think it was called mindshackle... Anyway he died and I decided to turn him in to a mindshackling device," Thaleneas said. Before Denrick could do anything, two muscular Dzu-Teh grabbed him and his fellow Dzu-Teh from behind. "And now my friends," Thaleneas said as he pointed the device at their heads, "Welcome to the Thaleneak Tundra..."

Comments, questions, feedback, just post whatever.

johnny139 · #35 December 13th, 2006, 08:53 PM

That was a great last line. Though talking Dzu-Teh are kinda weird, I love that line. "Now, my friends, welcome to the Thaenlek Tundra..."

LordVenoc · #36 December 13th, 2006, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Though talking Dzu-Teh are kinda weird

Well, so far only Thaleneas has talked and if he can build a mindshackle device, I'm sure he's smart enough to learn a few languages.