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  #13  
Old February 3rd, 2020, 01:52 PM
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Re: Rise of the Valkyrie - Utgar

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend View Post
So if you see something you want to critique, please do so.

~TGRF.
Hmm, well there is one thing.

~TAF


Despite that, here is chapter five!

Utgar must deal with the aftermath of his actions. Has he just sentenced himself to death?

~TGRF.

Fan Fiction - Outlining...
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  #14  
Old February 4th, 2020, 11:35 AM
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Re: Rise of the Valkyrie - Utgar

Chapter Six is now live!

Utgar makes a final bid for freedom...

~TGRF.

Fan Fiction - Outlining...
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  #15  
Old February 5th, 2020, 02:00 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
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Re: Rise of the Valkyrie - Utgar

Chapter Seven is now live!

Utgar is brought to Orm's citadel. Is this where it all ends?

~TGRF.

Fan Fiction - Outlining...
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  #16  
Old February 6th, 2020, 11:55 AM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
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Re: Rise of the Valkyrie - Utgar

Chapter Eight is now live!

With only a small chance of success, Utgar makes his final attempt at true freedom.

~TGRF.

Fan Fiction - Outlining...
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  #17  
Old February 7th, 2020, 01:39 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Rise of the Valkyrie - Utgar

Chapter Nine is now live!

Knowing that he is going up against a Valkyrie with nearly unlimited power, Utgar moves on the wellspring...

~TGRF.

Fan Fiction - Outlining...
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  #18  
Old February 8th, 2020, 05:45 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Rise of the Valkyrie - Utgar

Chapter Ten is now live!

The tale of Utgar's origin ends, surrounded by immortal soldiers, and confronted with a mighty Valkyrie.

This is the end of the first of the prequels. Please let me know what you thought, and what you liked/thought was done well, as well as what you disliked/thought could have been better. My writing will only improve based on your criticism, so don't hold back.

Things I tried to improve in this fan fiction:
Spoiler Alert!


Concerning sequels: currently I plan on going through with my plan to write one or two more fictions in this prequels series. When written, I'm going to post those other stories in this thread, as if they are simply sections of one big story (which to be honest they will be). So please hold your ratings until the whole thing is completed. This is merely Book One.

~TGRF.

Fan Fiction - Outlining...
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  #19  
Old February 10th, 2020, 11:04 AM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Rise of the Valkyrie - Utgar

A reminder: if there's anything you think I need to work on, now is the time to mention it, while the next fiction is still under construction.

~TGRF.

Fan Fiction - Outlining...
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  #20  
Old February 13th, 2020, 09:07 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Rise of the Valkyrie - Utgar

@TheAverageFan So now that CoN is over for a day or two, might I prevail on you to share your thoughts with me? I need that feedback.

~TGRF.

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  #21  
Old February 13th, 2020, 11:47 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Sor

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend
TheAverageFan So now that CoN is over for a day or two, might I prevail on you to share your thoughts with me? I need that feedback.
I must admit I've fallen behind. I have a lot of work over the next three days but once I finish the story I'll get back to you (aka I'll edit this post with my thoughts).

Edit: So @The Grim Reaper's Friend I finally got around to finishing this, and my thoughts are that it was pretty good. It was short and sweet, and well-written as always, though it did leave me hungry for more. I really want to see the journey that leads the character in this story to the guy who is okay with summoning Marro and sending his own daughter into battle.

I only had one critique which was more of a point of confusion that I'll lay out below:
Spoiler Alert!


Anyhow, I am looking forward to any other Valkyrie prequels you're making. So there you have it. I would rate this an 8/10—there were very few flaws that I noticed, although it didn't soar to the heights that'd push it beyond an 8 in my opinion. I'd read more of this character's journey because I'd be curious to see how he and his daughter become such assholes.

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT


Last edited by TheAverageFan; February 20th, 2020 at 10:18 PM.
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  #22  
Old March 9th, 2020, 02:07 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Sor

Spoiler Alert!

And here I was getting all depressed because you never gave me your thoughts... apparently @ mentions don't work when you just edit.

About that chain... yeah I think I just forgot about it. I usually don't outright forget stuff like that, so that's strange. Good catch.

I'm interested to hear what would have pushed it above an 8 for you, if there's anything specific.

As far as sequels... to be honest my writing has gone downhill in the past weeks to the point where I can't seem to write anything (see my FFC blog). Every project I start has problems, and interest only lasts a few days. I don't really know what the problem is. Right now it looks uncertain if I'll be writing anything.

~TGRF.

Fan Fiction - Outlining...
Spoiler Alert!

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  #23  
Old March 9th, 2020, 11:18 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: Sor

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend
And here I was getting all depressed because you never gave me your thoughts... apparently @ mentions don't work when you just edit.
Don't worry about it; late feedback is better than no feedback!
(and I should know)

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend
I'm interested to hear what would have pushed it above an 8 for you, if there's anything specific.
Well as far as my critiquing scale goes (and this applies to everything I critique across all mediums), everything starts at a 5 and either goes up or down depending on its positives and negatives. Typically what takes away from a score is stuff like writing errors, plot holes, inconsistencies and the like; but that being said it means that a story written 100% correctly will still only sit at a 5/10 for me. Unfortunately that means that what makes it higher than that drifts into areas that are less objectively measurable than grammar mistakes or inconsistencies—things like how emotionally engaging it is or how good a character is, or the quality of the prose.

So with the exception of the chain issue I liked the excellent writing and Utgar's character and stuff like that, but at the same time there were elements that felt incomplete (not in a harmful way but in a missed opportunity way): like we never found out what they were mining for and that never really came into the plot, or the villain wasn't quite as compelling as he could've been as a mirror to what Utgar will eventually become or whatever.

This is all more in the realm of subjectivity of course and as such it's hard to take as sound advice (because it's hardly necessary in regards to the quality of the actual writing itself or the overall goal of this piece which was to work on 3-Act Structure)—not to mention it simply won't bother others at all or they might offer advice in a completely opposite direction (for example I would say having a villain who's as interesting as our hero was would push it higher than an 8 but another reader might say Migol doesn't need that much development or character because this is Utgar's story and that's why they didn't rate it higher than an 8—same goes for wanting to see how Utgar becomes so evil vs. a reader saying that's unimportant and being glad it ended where it did), but nonetheless that is my reasoning. I need a relatively strong emotional impact to take something to a 9/10 (such as Kit: Young Ninja which really spoke to me despite not having a terribly well thought-out plot) or it needs to rock my world to make it to a 10/10 (like Silent Hill 2). Same goes for comedic tales just trade emotional impact for yucks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend
As far as sequels... to be honest my writing has gone downhill in the past weeks to the point where I can't seem to write anything (see my FFC blog). Every project I start has problems, and interest only lasts a few days. I don't really know what the problem is. Right now it looks uncertain if I'll be writing anything.
Ah well, interest/writer's block... it affects us all. But you don't gotta be writing constantly all the time, and it will come back one way or another, so I suppose it all works out. I'd certainly not try to pressure you into writing something you don't want to, so no worries.

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #24  
Old March 10th, 2020, 01:24 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: Sor

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post
So with the exception of the chain issue I liked the excellent writing and Utgar's character and stuff like that, but at the same time there were elements that felt incomplete (not in a harmful way but in a missed opportunity way): like we never found out what they were mining for and that never really came into the plot, or the villain wasn't quite as compelling as he could've been as a mirror to what Utgar will eventually become or whatever.
Incomplete things do seem to be a bit of a pattern with me. I need to find the balance between making everything in a story relevant to the story, and still somehow exploring everything worth exploring.

That being said, the mining does play a larger part in Eternity and I do know what they were mining and why. It isn't explained because the prisoners don't know and don't care.

As far as Orm (not Migol - that's CoN) not being super compelling, I'm chalking that up to a lack of screen-time, which of course makes sense given the setting and the length of the story. And my struggles with the 3-act-structure, which I still can't balance quite right. All of the acts are getting condensed (especially act 2), so I'm a bit lacking in the 'depth' department so far.

As for the writing, I'm going back and forth. I really don't know what the problem is; I keep having troubles with every idea I get. But at least I'm still getting ideas, so...

I'd say a continuation of these prequels is just as likely as me writing anything else right now.

~TGRF.

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