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  #1  
Old July 30th, 2014, 02:50 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Post ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

(here goes nothing…)

Greetings, all! TheAverageFan here.

Posted below is my own official Heroscape story, a 250-page epic called "Thunderstorm". It was based off of the story I made for a Massive Campaign Scenario, played out several years ago on my own Heroscape board. While the rules and stages of that Massive Campaign Scenario have long since been forgotten, I figured that I may as well write down what I do remember about it--the story itself--and share it with you guys (since you all seem to like Heroscape).

Some things to keep in mind while reading, however:

1: This isn't quite a Heroscape Fanfic: While the names and appearances of all of the characters are the same, the universe differs greatly. When making the story for the MCS, I pretty much just took what figures I had in front of me and made my own story out of it. As such, some people's personality, alliance, and what not may all differ. The lore also differs, and there is little to no mention of Valkyrie Generals and/or Valhalla. This may seem weirder to some than others, but it's worth keeping in mind.

2: There's a lot of fighting: There is. As you'd expect from a Heroscape story, especially one based off of an actual scenario, there's a great deal of just plain duking it out to be had. If the fight sequences seem tedious to you, feel free to skim over them, as few are really that important to the plot. For those who don't, just let the visuals of the words sink in and let your imagination do the rest. Ah, Heroscape… so much violence...

3: This is my first story on this site: I'm my own editor! Please feel free to comment on anything you like/dislike about this story and of course please point out any and all typos you encounter. Also feel free not to say things like "This is horrible" and "Kill yourself", even if you'd like to. This is my first story, after all.

Anyway, here are the copies:

Copy One: Click on this to view the regular story:
ThunderStorm I

Copy Two: In the Event that the first one doesn't work:
ThunderStorm Copy 2

Music Copy: Everything's better with musical accompaniment! During the scenario I used music from a variety of sources to make the campaign better. They say movies aren't nearly as good when they take out the original score, and this is no exception. I advice opening the playlist separately or having two of these open at once, as clicking on the links doesn't open up a new tab. Give it a click if that sounds interesting to you:
ThunderStorm Music Copy

Commentary Copy: If for some reason you actually like this story, consider reading this version, side noted with my own commentary. There's a lot of interesting things I'll bet you didn't know about… stuff…
ThunderStorm Commentary Copy

World Map: ThunderStorm Map

All feedback is appreciated! I've been working on this for a long time, and I'd love to hear what you guys think! Thanks again! -TheAverageFan

*Thanks to TGRF for uploading PDFs

Last edited by TheAverageFan; August 1st, 2014 at 02:12 PM.
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  #2  
Old July 30th, 2014, 02:58 PM
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Tornado Tornado is offline
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

I only see 243 pages.
This looks pretty epic. This is all from memory? Impressive.

A cloud can change its semblance, yet retain its will
With the intimacy of destruction, One knows what it is to be alive
The empty sky holds no reflection, for sorrow
- Eslo Rudkey
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  #3  
Old July 30th, 2014, 04:29 PM
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tornado View Post
I only see 243 pages.
This looks pretty epic. This is all from memory? Impressive.
The basic concept of the overall plot's pretty simple--so it didn't take a whole lot to remember. Just a lot of "Oh yeah--forgot about that part" moments.
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  #4  
Old July 30th, 2014, 07:13 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

243 pages eh? This must have taken awhile.

This fiction is now indexed. If you would like to provide a description for it, shoot me a PM.

~TGRF.

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  #5  
Old August 1st, 2014, 02:13 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

Map has been uploaded.

I'd ask for feedback, but that'll probably be awhile.
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  #6  
Old November 17th, 2014, 03:10 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

My website got transferred to a different host, and the index where these PDFs are stored did not get moved over with it. The problem is now taken care of, and all links should work properly again.
Sorry for any inconvenience.
~TGRF.
EDIT: The first link still does not work. I'm not entirely sure why, but the second link does still work, so you can still access the story.

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  #7  
Old November 17th, 2014, 09:45 PM
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

I noticed that myself a little while back (but ignored it like a jerk 'cause I've got all I need of ThunderStorm on Word). Thanks for fixing it--it's okay if one of the links don't work since it's there's two copies of the same story anyway.

~TAF, happy

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #8  
Old January 8th, 2015, 06:31 PM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

Just an update in case you are interested:
I read the first two chapters awhile back. First off, I've read some really good fan fictions, and some... well, not so good ones. This is definitely on the better end of the spectrum. The writing was pretty good, minus a few little grammar things. If I recall, I believe you used descriptions pretty well. At the moment, I think the one thing that is probably hurting you the most is a lack of complications.
I'm fairly certain you know what a complication is. But in case you don't, its when a new part of the plot is revealed. Think of it this way: If the main problem stays the same, readers lose interest. A complication keeps the problem shifting, staying fresh.
You open pretty strong, with lots of questions for the reader to ask himself, the majority of which can be summed up as 'What the heck is going on?!?' That's a good thing.
The problem is that I've reached chapter 3, and we're still basically at that point. Even at the end of chapter 2, Brandis reiterates the questions to himself. Those questions are fine - they're actually pretty good. You just need to introduce more.
Of course, this is still fairly early in the book.
Regardless though, it promises to be a good read! I plan on reading more and I'll let you know what I find.
~TGRF.

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  #9  
Old January 8th, 2015, 09:05 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

What you've said is true--it is a fairly straightforward and simple story (on the surface). Dealing with each and every big bad foe takes the crew to a different part of the World Map and introduces a different situation, but there's a definite formula. Despite this, I believe it's fairly fast paced (with each Chapter only being ~5 pages or so).

The end goal of destroying Sauron never changes across all three LotR books, but it manages to stay interesting and fresh throughout. I hope that ThunderStorm manages to hold true to that as well, but as the author I can't give it an unbiased view all that well...

~TAF, who appreciates any and all criticisms (except negative ones )

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #10  
Old January 9th, 2015, 12:42 AM
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The Grim Reaper's Friend The Grim Reaper's Friend is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post
What you've said is true--it is a fairly straightforward and simple story (on the surface). Dealing with each and every big bad foe takes the crew to a different part of the World Map and introduces a different situation, but there's a definite formula. Despite this, I believe it's fairly fast paced (with each Chapter only being ~5 pages or so).

The end goal of destroying Sauron never changes across all three LotR books, but it manages to stay interesting and fresh throughout. I hope that ThunderStorm manages to hold true to that as well, but as the author I can't give it an unbiased view all that well...

~TAF, who appreciates any and all criticisms (except negative ones )
Working with the LotR example - I think the key phrase is end goal. That is always in the back of our minds, but Frodo and company are almost always dealing with other more immediate threats, usually ones which are only somewhat linked to the main problem. (I mean, sure, the orcs come from Sauron, or Saruman, but the orcs aren't the problem.) The distinction I'm trying to draw would be like this: Imagine a trilogy comprised primarily out of the Council of Elrond. No complications, just dealing with the main problem. In fact, there is even a big twist before the council: At first the goal is to bring the ring to Rivendel, but then it is revealed it must be destroyed.
The reason the main goal of destroying the ring/Sauron remains fresh is because it isn't rehashed - gone over and over. We know that everything will be fixed by accomplishing it, but the immediate goals override the ultimate one.
~TGRF, hoping he didn't ramble too much.
P.S. One very important thing to remember about LotR - The books are old. What readers want to read changes with the times. There are hundreds of 'classics' that, if released today, would likely not succeed quite as well as they did back when they were published IMO. (They remain popular because of how successful they were back then, not necessarily how popular they would be with no previous knowledge of them) LotR can be a good guide for some things, but definitely not for others. For example, never go to it for character development. Or openings. :twocents:

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  #11  
Old January 9th, 2015, 02:22 AM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: ThunderStorm by TheAverageFan

That is true.

~TAF

P.S. Rambling is okay on Threads containing 243 page Fanfics

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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