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  #1  
Old March 5th, 2008, 09:27 PM
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The Silver Surfer The Silver Surfer is offline
 
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Spider-man Chapter 2: Spider-man and the General.

Here is my second chapter to my Spider-man series. It's not as action-filled as my first one, but it gets into the storyline more, and is (in my opinion) better written, so please let me know what you think. Thanks.


Chapter 2: Spider-man and the General


“Vydar!” someone shouted, “Lord Vydar!” Spider-man turned, and saw a man, wearing a black Trench coat and holding a long sword and some sort of gun, standing by a large, strong looking man with enormous wings, kneeling over, as if in deep concentration. The man with the sword was engaged in combat with a skeleton creature with some sort of energy weapon...at least, that's what it looked like. “Lord Vydar!” the man shouted again, “You must continue fighting!” The man with the wings seemed to sub-conscientiously nod his head, then some humans appeared out of nowhere, then the man with the wings stood up, and took flight! Then he swooped down upon some other skeleton creatures, instantly killing them...if they were ever alive to begin with. Just as spider-man was observing this in a seemingly slow-motion fashion, a green ball of energy flew right towards him. Instinctively, he leaped into the air, narrowly dodging the energy blast, then webbed the attacker's weapon, pulling it toward him, then he threw it right back at the skeleton, embedding it into his chest.

A few yards away, a skeleton dog was about to pounce upon the winged man, the man apparently called Vydar, but he was preoccupied with some other creatures. Spider-man had no clue what to do, except, he somehow knew that the winged man had to stay alive. So, spider-man webbed the dog as it was in mid-air, moments away from Vydar, and yanked it toward him, then Spider-man kicked it as hard as he could as it flew toward him, sending it into some other skeleton creatures, causing a chain reaction of energy blasts flying everywhere, and the skeletons in a confused frenzy.
Then some of them seemed to duplicate themselves, and then they surrounded him, enraged. He was completely trapped. All he could was charge them, and take out as many as he could. And so he did. About ten seconds later, they were all down. Or so he thought. They where back again, before he had a chance to react. Then the trench coat guy with the sword charged toward them, taking three of them out with a single sweep, and they finished off the rest about 4 seconds later.
“Thanks, ” Spider-man said. “No problem.” replied Trench coat. But then he noticed something. Although there were countless species, creatures, robots and other...things, they all seemed to be fighting the skeleton creatures. Spider-sense reacting. Sizzling behind him. He turned, but too late. The green blast hit him square in the chest, sending him into blackness for the second time in one day.

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Spider-man awoke with a terrible ache in his chest, and sores everywhere else from the previous fights.
A beautiful woman with wings similar to the man called Vydar's wings was attending to his wounds. “Whe...where am I?” Spider-man said weekly.
“Welcome to Valhalla, Spider-man. You're lucky to be alive,” Replied the woman.
“Valhalla? What...or where is Valhalla?” Spider-man was confused.
“ I think I'll let General Vydar explain that to you. By the way, I am Realin, Kyrie warrior of General Jandar.” Realin replied. Spider-man was about to ask if General Vydar was the man in the battle, but then the man in the trench coat walk in.
“Agent Carr, I trust you are doing well?” asked Realin.
“Only a few scratches,” replied the supposed Agent. Turning to Spider-man he said “The General would like an audience with you, if Realin permits it, of course.” Realin nodded, and Spider-man nodded slowly, still very confused.
“Alright, then. I shall go tell the General, and he will be with you shortly.” Agent Carr turned to leave, when Spider-man said “Wait.” Carr turned, and Spider-man continued, “Thank you. You...you saved my life. I'm grateful.” He simply smiled, nodded, and then left.

A few minute later, the large general walked in. “Well, spider-man, I'm glad to see you alive and well”
“I don't know about that,” Spider-man replied jokingly, “but, thanks anyway. So, what did you wish to see me about? I have plenty of questions as it is.”
“All of which shall be answered. But first, I wish to to thank you for saving me. I am told, you saved me from one of those Marrdon Hounds.”
“The what??” spider-man asked.
“Oh, sorry,” replied the General “I forgot. The skeleton dogs.”
“Oh, those things. What are they?”
“They are terrible creatures from the planet of Marr, a member of the Marro race. In fact, all those Skeleton creatures are some form of Marro.”
“Ok, but I'm still confused about where I am, and what I'm doing here.”
“Very well,” the general said, “I shall tell you. To make a long story short, Valhalla was a lush, largely
unexplored planet ruled by the Kyrie, which both Realin and myself are. The Kyrie lived in relative peace for thousands of years. Then the wellsprings--” Spider-man interrupted. “The wellsprings? What significance do some springs have?”
“Patience, Spider-man. I'll get to that. Anyway, the wellsprings were discovered, and everything changed. These were mysterious fountains of youth, power and immortality, and soon became the ultimate plunder in possibly the greatest battle of all time.“The story goes that Thormun, a Kyrie, discovered the first wellspring quite by accident. When he drank its water, he became stronger in body and mind; his wings grew to a wondrous size; he gained mystical powers; and to many people's astonishment, he stopped aging. Yet if he did not drink from the wellspring often, the powers faded. “It was not long before new wellsprings were discovered by other Kyrie, such as myself. We drank from them, gained powers from them, and soon became a species of super-Valkyrie called Valkyrie. But along with our powers came strange visions of armies at war, armies made up of creatures from other eras, other worlds. As us Valkyrie began a violent struggle to seize control of the wellsprings, we discovered ways to summon the warriors from our visions to help fight for our cause. Lush valleys and hillsides have become military strongholds; our beautiful mountains are now vantage points for attacks on our enemies below. Our armies marched, fought, claimed victory or conceded defeat, all for the wellsprings. And that is why you are here. I have summoned you to help fight for the wellsprings, and to keep them from General Ugtar. He wishes to gain control of them, and use them to control all of Valhalla by using the Marro, and as you may have guessed, the Marro are his minions, and I expect that the creature you were fighting with before I summoned you has been summoned by Ugtar, as well.”
“So, let me get this straight,” said Spider-man, “There are these “magical” wellsprings which make you more powerful than normal, and allow you to summon all these people from other times, worlds, and eras, and this General...Ugtar... is fighting for control over these springs, so that he is the only one in control of them, and then he can control all of your world?”
“That's about it,” replied the General. “So, how many generals are there, exactly?” Spider-man asked.
“So far, there are only five known,” replied General Vydar. “There is General Jandar, Ullar, Einar, Ugtar, and myself. Jandar, Ullar, Einar, and myself have all allied against Ugtar to prevent him from gaining control of the springs.” “But, is there anyway to get me back home?” asked Spider-man. “I do have a family after all.” “I'm afraid, there is no known way to get people back to their respective locations and times,” answered the General. Now Spider-man was angry. “You summon me to your planet and to your war, with absolutely no way to get me home!!Why should I help you? You call me away from my home, just to help your cause?? Why should I?? What have you ever done for me, that I should help you??”
The General didn't even flinch at the outburst. “I understand how you feel, Spider-man, but I have seen you in my visions many times, and knew that you could be of great help, especially when I summoned you, and it turned out I was right. You saved my life, and I promise, whether you help me or not, I will send you back to your time and place as soon as possible. But I would be honored to have you join the ranks of my army, and fight against the army of Ugtar. Please consider my offer.”
“And if I reject your offer?” “Then you are free to go. But I cannot guarantee your safety or anything else as long as you are not fighting for our cause.” “Very well. I will consider your offer.” “That is all I ask.” Then the General turned and left, without another word.
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The End....for now....until I think of what to do for chapter 3.


Please let me know what you think.
And I also apologize for any misspellings, and after cutting and pasting, it wouldn't let me completely fix some pargraph breaks, but I fixed it as much as I could.
Thanks.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast"
Ephesians 2:8-9

"Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved" Acts 16:31

PM me if you would like to know more.

Last edited by The Silver Surfer; July 25th, 2008 at 11:17 AM.
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  #2  
Old March 5th, 2008, 09:36 PM
Einar's puppy's Avatar
Einar's puppy Einar's puppy is offline
All growed up
 
Join Date: February 19, 2008
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Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla
Good job.Yeah, all I have to say is indent upon new speaker, a few typos, and maybe gramaticly revisre a few things but I over all really like it! I look forwarfd to what is next.
I'm afraid that I cannot respond to your poll though, It is well writen and entertaining, but numerous typos make it poorly written...I consider well writen "performed well"
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  #3  
Old March 5th, 2008, 09:44 PM
The Silver Surfer's Avatar
The Silver Surfer The Silver Surfer is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Einar's puppy
Good job....a few typos....I lok forwarfd to what is next.
It is well writen and entertaining, but numerous typos make it poorly written
I think you mean look(and he complains that I make typos. sheesh. :P ) .
But thanks. I thought I checked and spell checked everything, but I guess I'm just cursed. Allwell (sigh...)

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast"
Ephesians 2:8-9

"Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved" Acts 16:31

PM me if you would like to know more.
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  #4  
Old March 5th, 2008, 09:49 PM
Einar's puppy's Avatar
Einar's puppy Einar's puppy is offline
All growed up
 
Join Date: February 19, 2008
Location: Chicago, Il
Posts: 7,660
Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla Einar's puppy is inducted into the Halls of Valhalla
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Silver Surfer
Quote:
Originally Posted by Einar's puppy
Good job....a few typos....I lok forward to what is next.
It is well written and entertaining, but numerous typos make it poorly written
I think you mean look(and he complains that I make typos. sheesh. :P ) .
But thanks. I thought I checked and spell checked everything, but I guess I'm just cursed. Allwell (sigh...)
sorry I've been on CoN for a while so I'm still "in character"
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