Kaia: Vendetta

[Elven Lord]

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

Just to prove my point, I went back and reread the first chapter, and am going to rate this a solid 7. The only issues it has are some random minor grammar things, and dialogue which seems perhaps a bit out of place in the otherwise medieval-esque setting.

However, I could easily follow the action, and you did a good job painting the picture, both of the setting, and of the prevalent emotions of what was left of the army. Honestly, it's a solid opening which could go anywhere.

My only real criticism would be to introduce the names slower. Too many foreign titles and the reader gets confused. Also be sure that when you do introduce a character, establish the name you are going to call them by. You establish the main character of the chapter as 'Boyar Kumipa', but then refer to him as 'Valdyr', which did certainly throw me.

Now I seem to recall there being more to this story, so I'm guessing you removed that. But what is there is certainly not trash. It is plenty good on its own, has potential to become an excellent story, and shows that you can write quite well.

~TGRF.

Thanks man! i appreciate this. The re-write was a lot better than the first go through. which is to be expected. I feel like when writers do a prewrite they're mostly just trying to get a confused jumble of inspiration out of their heads. Then on the second third or even fourth re-write the glory comes through.

[Elven Lord]

Chapter 2 posted. I did change the spelling of Kaya's name to Kaia. It does have some significance to the story.

[TGRF]

Originally Posted by Elven Lord

I feel like when writers do a prewrite they're mostly just trying to get a confused jumble of inspiration out of their heads. Then on the second third or even fourth re-write the glory comes through.

If you're a pantser/discovery writer - meaning you have only a minimal outline and discover most of the story as you write - this is absolutely true. The first draft is almost always a mess, and just serves to show you what does and does not work.

However, if you're a plotter like me, your outline is so detailed that it takes the place of all 'first' drafts, allowing you to write the story only once. To me this is just a way better way to organize a story; you can move things around and change bits without having to navigate through giant blocks of text.

But then again, different writers operate different ways.

~TGRF, will read ch 2 when I have a moment.

[Elven Lord]

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

If you're a pantser/discovery writer - meaning you have only a minimal outline and discover most of the story as you write - this is absolutely true. The first draft is almost always a mess, and just serves to show you what does and does not work.

However, if you're a plotter like me, your outline is so detailed that it takes the place of all 'first' drafts, allowing you to write the story only once. To me this is just a way better way to organize a story; you can move things around and change bits without having to navigate through giant blocks of text.

But then again, different writers operate different ways.

~TGRF, will read ch 2 when I have a moment.

yeah I tend to start with a prewrite to get the inspiration down then do an outline, often poorly developed before I either write the story discovery style loosely following the outline or forget about it entirely and move on to something else

[Elven Lord]

Chapter 3 posted.

[AMIS]

So far, so good.
And sneaky.

[Elven Lord]

Chapter 4: The Bastard's Rebellion (Part 1) Posted

[Elven Lord]

Chapter 5 posted

[Elven Lord]

Chapter 6 Posted

[Elven Lord]

Chapter 8 posted

[Elven Lord]

Chapter 9 posted

I'm going to try and update this every day or two lest I forget about it.

[TGRF]

Hey EL. Just wanted to let you know that I'm not currently reading, but that I do plan to once I'm done writing Dilmir. I like to read something else before I go back and proofread, and this should fit that need nicely.

Keep it up.

~TGRF.

EDIT: Title is still spelled 'Kaya' btw... in case you want to change it.