''Compass of the Spring'' It's over

[dragonfire9788]

I will try to make my grammer better in part 3 part 2

I will see if I can get it up to marro

[D-Dyzzle]

yall remind me of my english teacher.
well im bout to too.

be more descriptive & try to use more amuseing words. (a theasuarus comes in handy)

constructive advice. not downin ya. cant wait for it to start unfoldin.

edit: oops i just read the first page. didnt see the others. ill read the rest later.

[dragonfire9788]

OK, here are the Vydar heros that are going to be in the story, Sudema, James Murphey, MQ9, and MX17. Tell me if you want anybody else in the story.

[johnny139]

Gorillanater!

[Darconus]

what's wrong with killing Syvarris?

[deathsaurx]

My apoligies Johhny but your story isnt really recent.... try The fall of Valhalla or Hahma's story. The language in both stories is vivid and a joy to read. Check it out

[dragonfire9788]

OK guys I've decided to make a part 3 part 3 after this.

Part 3 (part 2)

Southern Laur

Thorgrim was hot on the army's trail. He had realized that he had to ride through the night while the army was resting in order to get to the outpost first. Then the viking's horse stopped. He hopped off his horse.'' Come on Arony, we'll never get there first if you don't move,'' Thorgrim said, his face annoyed. Then Arony fell over, but the viking didn't know because overhead he saw Realin riding Theracus. Then the gryphillin then landed next to Thorgrim.'' They're after us, they're after us!'' shouted Realin, her face was pale white and quite shocked.'' Who is after you?'' asked the viking.'' Parmenio he was right behind us the last time I looked down!'' Realin screamed. With that she fainted. Then Parmenio and at least 50 menbers of the sacred band showed up. Thogrim readied his sword. Then Theracus scooped up Realin and the viking champion and flew off. Parmenio tried to strike down the gryphillin, but he missed.

Ullar stronghold northern Crumland

Syvarris looked at the people around him, the mighty giant Jotun was preparing himself for battle by sharpening his sword. The dragon Nilfhiem was practicing icing a few rocks. The Venoc Warlord was putting on his armor and glooves of doom. Then the horn of Ullar sounded. The gates then fell open. Then entered James Murphey, Sudema, Major Q9, Major X17, 100 gladiatrons, 100 Blastrons, and 300 gorillanators. Morsbane walked up and led the 4 leaders into the tower. Then the forces of Vydar started preparing themselves for battle. Syvarris walked over to Nilfhien and said ''So, how much men we got?''.'' We have 200 archers and 200 warriors of Arsha,'' the dragon replied.'' That's not enough!'' said Syvarris calmly, holding back his anger.'' Yeah, but it is all we're going to get,'' Nilfhiem said, his face worried.


End of part 3 part 2

[johnny139]

Originally Posted by deathsaurx

My apoligies Johhny but your story isnt really recent.... try The fall of Valhalla or Hahma's story. The language in both stories is vivid and a joy to read. Check it out

Yeah, but their work is really good. Mine is a standard that people can easily surpass!

Now you're getting it! Grammar is good, story is good, overall a good job! I'd give your newest piece a... 7.5/10! It's good!

[dragonfire9788]

7.5/10

That sounds great to me!

[dragonfire9788]

part 3 part 3 up to marro

Come on guys, it is a good pun

[deathsaurx]

Now prepare for my rating!! MU HA HA !!!! Okay first off your using too much thens, secondly you could make some changes paying attention especially to bolded words, new paragraphs, and spelling but mostly......i just cant feel the story.......try using more descriptive language...... but youve improved a lot..... I give you a 4.5/10

[dragonfire9788]

7.5 or 4.5

Hmmmm.....

I'd say 6.0