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Old April 16th, 2009, 10:34 PM
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scottishlad5 scottishlad5 is offline
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Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

Chapter 1
Where it started


When I say love, the first thing that comes to your mind is probably a picture of your wife, your Jr.High girlfriend, high school girlfriend the occasional car, maybe a frog...however, When ever I hear the word love I get a picture of the most beautiful person in the world. A woman so beautiful, yet so hard to get...

Now your probably like, "come on your Sir denrick! you could probably ask any one out in all of Valhalla and you would get your way." I really wish it was that easy folks...

You see I grew up in a wealthy war going family. we lived in a suburb in east Jandar going Valhalla. With my dad out with Jandar's troops all the time I really didn't get to see him that much which really made me savor the moments and stories I had with my dad. My mom was a stay at home mom. Always in the kitchen, and always finding time to take out of her day to make me feel loved. You see the thing I probably enjoy most about my mom is that she was always there for me even in the toughest times...That really meant alot to me with my dad gone all the time; it was pretty hard for her too, especially with 2 older brothers and three sisters, and a dad that was only there about 1/6 of the year.

When I wasn't with my family and numerous brothers and sisters, I was at school...A little High school called, "Valhalla Highschool" as you can see this really wasn't a small high school..It was the biggest high school in Valhalla! As you probably guessed along with high-schools there are the stereotypes... Oh boy you had: Marro gansta's, Elven babes, Imature orcs, the super jock knights, the never sleeping vampires, the nerd dwaves, the skater dudes...it was a very multi-stereotyped place, and a very hard place to figure out who you really were..
Anyways as you can probably guess I belonged in the superjock knight category. I was the lead quarter back in the highschool football team. I could throw a football harder and more accurately than anyone in the entire football team...I was the guy that everyone envied, and seemed to have it all. It was true...everything but the one thing that meant most to me...her name was Runa. I swear she was the most beautiful person in all of Valhalla high!

I know I know your probably like slow down there buddy! you know you can't get her. I mean you could get anyone but you decide to get a utgarian!

Yeah, yeah I did. Now as you can see there were so many differences between us that it almost seemed impossible...Now to make matters worse here are a couple of news facts about the differences of a Utgarian and a Jandarian...
1. Utgar and jandar are like blood enemies.
2. Being a Jandarian and being a utgarian are like being a nerd and a jock, or even worse a jock and a greaser. they don't get along at all!
3. Utgarians especially women were usually not the best mannered, and if my mom saw bad manners....*shivers*
4. As you heard My dad was at war with utgar! There was no way he would let me date some utgarian..

Anyways.... your probably wondering,"When did you first see here did time stop, could you hear angels? "
Well...I was at practice. the first practice of the year I was so pumped to be the first junior to make star quarter back! I got my stripping jock pants on and my shiny football helmet and went out to try out, I was so excited! Now as you can probably imagine, along with being a Knight, and being with other knights sure you were a knight and you could fit in...but you were also a junior... with a big mouth.... trying to show up a bunch of seniors.....Yeah not easy, anyways we started out with catching... #45 Higgins, their best thrower. chucked it.... I ran as fast as I could I dove! I was going to make it.. I was going...going .... and then! I looked to my side and saw her; a beautiful woman walking down the street with her marro homeboys..

It was beautiful, time stopped, I could hear angels..In the noisiest and dirtiest place I could hear clearly and smell roses..

then I heard, "Denrick! watch out!" and BAM! I collided with a pole and dropped the ball, and a couple of bones..Of course I was laughed at by both the nurses(I know nice people right!) my friends and the seniors.. but it didn't matter..I now knew who I loved and nothing else mattered..now of course I wasn't going to quit football that would be social suicide..But I was going to get this girl; what could happen? Well I was about to find out...
To be continued!



I know it kind of jumped around a bit but how did you like it? I am going to be adding pictures of the story later. Please don't flame me too hard, but I am welcome to constructive criticisms.
I originally was going to make this a comic but I figured I couldn't fit what I wanted to say in one little comic strip. Anyways here's to the hoping!


14568 wins, -3 losses.

Last edited by scottishlad5; April 16th, 2009 at 10:59 PM.
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  #2  
Old April 16th, 2009, 10:47 PM
Onacara Onacara is offline
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

Please if you are going to fancy yourself a writer please at least punctuate, capitalize and spell accordingly.
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  #3  
Old April 16th, 2009, 11:01 PM
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Onacara View Post
Please if you are going to fancy yourself a writer please at least punctuate, capitalize and spell accordingly.
Yeah I know My grammar isn't that great, but I mean you can't learn if you don't fail a couple of times.

I went back and did a little revisions. I hope you can understand it.


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  #4  
Old April 17th, 2009, 01:42 AM
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

He's not writing a book, Onacara. I don't see any problem.

It's a great preview, fwiw!

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  #5  
Old April 17th, 2009, 11:09 AM
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

It doesn't matter if he's writing a book or not. He still has to use proper punctuation, spelling, and grammar.
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  #6  
Old April 17th, 2009, 11:20 AM
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

Very funny, but wrong at the same time. I like!!!!

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  #7  
Old April 17th, 2009, 08:23 PM
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scottishlad5 scottishlad5 is offline
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pumpkin_King View Post
It doesn't matter if he's writing a book or not. He still has to use proper punctuation, spelling, and grammar.
If you could send me a revision of where I messed up then that would be great! Via PM.


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  #8  
Old April 17th, 2009, 08:26 PM
Onacara Onacara is offline
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wk4c View Post
He's not writing a book, Onacara. I don't see any problem.

It's a great preview, fwiw!

He is writing a story which makes him an author which means he should spell correctly and use proper punctuation and grammar.

Maybe the fact that you do not see a problem is a problem in and of itself.
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  #9  
Old April 17th, 2009, 08:31 PM
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scottishlad5 scottishlad5 is offline
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Onacara View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by wk4c View Post
He's not writing a book, Onacara. I don't see any problem.

It's a great preview, fwiw!

He is writing a story which makes him an author which means he should spell correctly and use proper punctuation and grammar.

Maybe the fact that you do not see a problem is a problem in and of itself.
Come on guys, seriously the problem is with my grammar not with wk4c ...I am working on it ok, any revisions or pointers would be great! (please send in PM)


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  #10  
Old April 17th, 2009, 09:48 PM
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by scottishlad5 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onacara View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by wk4c View Post
He's not writing a book, Onacara. I don't see any problem.

It's a great preview, fwiw!

He is writing a story which makes him an author which means he should spell correctly and use proper punctuation and grammar.

Maybe the fact that you do not see a problem is a problem in and of itself.
Come on guys, seriously the problem is with my grammar not with wk4c ...I am working on it ok, any revisions or pointers would be great! (please send in PM)
Perhaps you could find a proofreader. Or you could use Mozilla Firefox, it has spell check built in.

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  #11  
Old April 17th, 2009, 09:51 PM
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottishlad5 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onacara View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by wk4c View Post
He's not writing a book, Onacara. I don't see any problem.

It's a great preview, fwiw!

He is writing a story which makes him an author which means he should spell correctly and use proper punctuation and grammar.

Maybe the fact that you do not see a problem is a problem in and of itself.
Come on guys, seriously the problem is with my grammar not with wk4c ...I am working on it ok, any revisions or pointers would be great! (please send in PM)
Perhaps you could find a proofreader. Or you could use Mozilla Firefox, it has spell check built in.
So does the text editor in advanced, but his problem is mostly you're/your/their/there/they're/its/it's and lack of punctuation in the respective spots.
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  #12  
Old April 17th, 2009, 09:55 PM
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scottishlad5 scottishlad5 is offline
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Re: Preview::Sir Denrick and Runa A love story.

[quote=Mr Migraine;799164]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard View Post
So does the text editor in advanced, but his problem is mostly you're/your/their/there/they're/its/it's and lack of punctuation in the respective spots.
Thank you for your suggestion, I will look into it!


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