Good Morning Valhalla: Krug

[Akralon]

We were pleased to hear the Triple Threat was entertaining. The votes between Laglor and Acolarh bounced back and forth. When we tallied them, however, there were more for Laglor. So as of now, the last interview of season 2 will be Laglor of Vydar.

[clancampbell]

Very good! I love these things.


Laglor, why do you not have the "tough" ability like your fellow Gorillanators?

[JANDAR88]

Dear Laglor, Have you and your fellow gorillanators ever had a problem with normal gorillas? Is it annoying being so smart yet still looking like you haven't evolved past the caveman stage?

[gorthan313]

Laglor: Are there any members of Vydar's army that you CANNOT stand?

[Claws of Death]

I like these!!! Very creative!

.....Now onto the question:

Dear Laglor-
I know that you are busy killing utgar guys, but can you answer aquestion for a fan? How come you have 2 swords instead of carrying guns like the other gorrillanators? just wondering. Okay. Use you soon!!!!

~CoD

[gorthan313]

Originally Posted by Claws of Death

I like these!!! Very creative!

.....Now onto the question:

Dear Laglor-
I know that you are busy killing utgar guys, but can you answer aquestion for a fan? How come you have 2 swords instead of carrying guns like the other gorrillanators? just wondering. Okay. Use you soon!!!!

~CoD

I could answer that one.

[Gold1]

Okay where to start. alright in no particular order
First: what's with the Nakitas bonding with the Gorrilinators? What's the relationship and why are you excluded?
Second:Could you tell us a little about these raptorians we're hearing about?
Third: Have you had a talk with Vydar about getting some...ahem.....Better Gorrilinator units? A melee squad mayhap?

P.S. You don't need to ask all of these, Just some thoughts I had.

[Akralon]

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the season finale of Good Morning Valhalla!!! We have the very first Flagbearer guest ever - as chosen by you, the audience. Our producers told us because we "took so friggin long" to hold this show, we lost out on time for fancy stunts and promo events. So this will go down the usual way.

But don't fret, because Jandar's Oath is up an coming! At any rate, I'm getting a head of myself. Let's all give a big round welcome to Laglor, the one-eyed gorilla with a pegleg!

Welcome to the show, Laglor. How does it feel to be the very first flagbearer guest?

I -

You're speechless, I can tell. Don't worry, we won't linger on the honor of it, we'll just jump into the questions.

The general consensus is that Gorillinators suck. They're girl-pets. Quite frankly, I'm surprised they don't have pink bows in their hair. Why are they so worthless?

Yah've only just seen tha grunts! Why do'ye think we sent 'em to Valhalla first, eh? Cuz we could spare 'em! Thaht's why! They've got twice tha muscle and half tha brains! But tha girls like 'em.

Yeah, about that... Would you care to explain this creepy bonding they have. And perhaps why you don't?

Lad, yah know women are scared 'o men with intelligence! That's why they bond so well with tha 'nators. They're at tha bottom of tha evolutionary scale. Just smart enuff tah fire a gun. Yah'll have tah ask the girlies 'bout tha bondin' specifics though. Yah know damn well that I'm not takin' orders from a woman!

I'm with you there, bro. I wear the pants in this operation. Speaking of pants, some have called you "Mr. Pants". What is the meaning of this?

How tha hell should I know? I dunnae watch youtube. I dunnae even wear pants.

Orwald wants to know how you climb trees while carrying that colossal mounted weapon. I'm sure having one leg doesn't help either.

I dunnae need tah climb trees! D'ye think I eat bananas all day? D'ye? Gorillas spend most 'o their time on tha ground. Especially big silverbacks like meself. If I liked climbin' trees, I ne'er woulda taken up this bloody flag, would I?

I think this is a clear case of tree-climbing envy. Now that he can't do it, rather than admit how much he misses it, he denies the 'practicality' of it. I've seen it a hundred times.

Now there's a bloody lie!

Okay, then, howcome you aren't "tough" like the gorillinators?

Cuz I don't eat a bowl of steroids for braekfahst ev'ry mornin'. How 'bout that ye fool!?

Are you saying the gorillinators take drugs?

They ain't eatin' Wheaties, lad.

Roger that. We have a letter, right here, addressed from a Mr. Claws of Death. It reads:

Dear Laglor-
I know that you are busy killing utgar guys, but can you answer aquestion for a fan? How come you have 2 swords instead of carrying guns like the other gorrillanators? just wondering. Okay. Use you soon!!!!

~CoD

What tha bloody hell are ye talkin' 'bout? Are ye blind?! I've got tha triggers for my bee-utiful automatic cannons in me hands! I'll give ye a free demonstration if ye like!

Thanks for answering in a polite and friendly manner. That's a good way to ensure you have lots of fans in the future.

Would it be bettar if I were witty and sarcastic like ye?

Well, you could try, but you don't have my charm, so in the end, it'd probably be a dismal failure. You aren't exactly Prince Charming, if you know what I mean. You have one eye and one leg - and you're a hairy gorilla - in case you forgot. You don't smell of roses either. And you're balding.

Ye lollygaggin-

Next question. Spiceofthedice has alleged that your autoload attack only works when it sucks.

It's not tha piece, it's tha player.

Well, I'm not so sure I agree with that. I think it's the dice. When I roll to defend and roll seven skulls, it's like... it's like - they're laughing at me! The skulls are laughing - at me! Dirty, rotten, stinkin' skulls. I'll show them what's so funny...

Git ahold of yerself, lad! Yer embarrassin' yerself.

Newsflash. I don't get embarrassed. Other people do for me.

Now that I'll believe.

Jandarforever wants to know how you lost your leg. Was chopped off by a marro drone, shot off by a marro stinger, bitten off by Su-Bak-Na, sliced by Ne-Gok-Sa or maybe chewed on by some nagrubs?

Nah. I didn't lose me leg to a bloody marro! I got caught in a beartrap and gnawed it off to get free.

Ugh... You're telling me... you ate off your own leg?

What was I supposed to do? Sit around all day and wait?

Jumping giants, man! How'd you lose your eye, then?

Yah dunnae want tah know. Not that it matters. I've got this grrreat infrared eye, now. It's friggintastic.

Let's talk social skills. How do you get along with normal gorillas? How often are you mistaken for one? And what about Vydar's army? Any fellow Vydarians you love or hate?

Nobody mistakes me fer a normal monkey twice. I'll shoot 'em dead where they stand if they open their mouth. And no, we dunnae hang around gorillas. Why would we - d'ye?

Tha gorillinators are either eatin', sleepin', fightin' or monkeyin' around. I dunnae spend much time with 'em. I'm too busy tryin' ta get that foxy Agent Skahen tah appreciate mah sexay body. She dunnae like hair, she says. Perhap I should shave?

By all that is sacred in the nine worlds of Norse Mythology - Never ever even propose the idea, ever again. Ever.

Tha microcorps get on me nerves, yeah they bloody do. Always tryin' tah compete with us - the obviously superior warriors. They think they're so damn funny. "Hey Laglor, we're goin' fer a swim! Ye want to go?" or "Hey Laglor, we're playin' Wii-fit, come play the hoolahoop game!" Bloody sots! Have ye ever tried to hoolahoop with one leg and a giant flag on yer back?

Yeah - whenever I want to play with a handicap... Let's hit the last two questions. Pumpkin King is curious about your title, Alphallon. Care to ellaborate?

Alpha, ye know, like head 'o tha pack. Sort 'o rank or standin', as ye might call it. Alphallons are tha gorillas with tha brains and tha balls. We lead tha way!

How does your flag give better range?

Complicated technology, lad. It suppresses inertia in a static field around me.

That's absolutely ridiculous. And impossible.

Well, it's tha truth. It only works an a fractional scale, but well enuff to affect tha bullets. What else would ye have me say? Magic?

Fine. Well, that sums up the questions from the audience. Let's go to the lightning round.

Favorite color!

Lavender!

Favorite GI Joe!

Dr. Mindbender! He's a bloody genius!

Favorite song!

Theme from tha Monkees!

Favorite movie!

Instinct!

Favorite video game?

Donkey Kong Country!

Favorite comic book character?

Gorilla Grod!

Favorite drink?

RC Cola mixed with Scotch.

. . . Gross.

So that ends the lightning round, and with it, Season 2 of our show! Can you believe it? Stay tuned for the season's highlights, coming up next! Don't go away!

[JANDAR88]

Originally Posted by Akralon

I'm too busy tryin' ta get that foxy Agent Skahen tah appreciate mah sexay body.

OMG!

That was the best interview yet!

[gorthan313]

*Gorthan313 falls out of his chair laughing*


THAT WAS GREAT!!

[Akralon]

Here are some highlights from this season. (You don't remember what else I said here because your memory is fading....)



SRX316 - Omnicron Sniper
What are the chances that Sonya Esenwein will end up losing Cyprien and ending up with me?

0%.

You didn't even calculate all the variables!!

There are no variables to calculate.

I got your variables right here!

That does not compute.

Taelord
First, why do you wear such tight undies? Wearing a battle-speedo could be seen as sexual harrassment to your other male counterparts.

I need freedom of movement. That is why I do not bog myself down with needless weight. I am heavy enough with all this muscle. It is for the women I do this favor. They stare longingly and lovingly every day. Some fall at my feet begging for my love.

Venoc Warlord
Is it true he has a flower for every soldier?

Unfortunately, yes. I was a sunflower.

Cute.

No. No it isn't.

Tornak
Devious? What exactly do you mean?

I like to torture small animals. Sometimes we're supposed to be doing other things and I get distracted if I see a rabbit or a squirrel. Did you know rabbits squeal really loud when you stab them repeatedly with a jagged stone knife?


Marcus Decimus Gallus
I prefer not to work with the Greeks. Well, with those Greeks.

Why not? They seem okay enough to me.

They make my troops, and quite honestly, myself, a bit uncomfortable.Look, Munthor, the matter of it is, they do a lot of frolicking about and it's just not good for morale. My men needn't be exposed to that sort of... behavior.


Kelda
How high can you fly with those silver wings? At what point does it get too cold, or the air to thin, to withstand?

I don't know. I do love flying at the point where the air begins to thin. I love the euphoria caused by breathing thin air. It's magical.

You do a lot of drugs - don't you?

I enjoy the essence of natural plants.

Pisnak - Arrow Grut
Anyway, back to business, Pisant.

It's Pisnak! Pis-nak!

Oh - is it?

He's not here!

Who?

How could you say that?

Say what?

It's deafening!!!

What is?

The silence!!!!

What the hell are you talking about?

Not now... just... not now.

Jimnak: Blade Grut/ Valerius: Roman Legionnaire/Ismarus: Roman Archer
Ismarus, do you give the command "Unleash Hell" ever?

Everytime he relieves himself.

I do not!

I heard you yell it last night, Ismarus. Amidst a bellowing of crude noises I might add. He talks to himself quite frequently in the outhouse.

That's a lie!

Don't let society shame you for doing what's natural.

The smell was quite unnatural - I assure you.

I had a lot of cornbeef.

Laglor
Jandarforever wants to know how you lost your leg. Was chopped off by a marro drone, shot off by a marro stinger, bitten off by Su-Bak-Na, sliced by Ne-Gok-Sa or maybe chewed on by some nagrubs?

Nah. I didn't lose me leg to a bloody marro! I got caught in a beartrap and gnawed it off to get free.

Ugh... You're telling me... you ate off your own leg?

What was I supposed to do? Sit around all day and wait?

[Akralon]

Well there it is. All of it. In its glory.

Now send the votes. We're moving to Season 3 and Wave 2 - Utgar's Rage. Send 'em in - we're going to accelerate the pace of the show!