"The Trials of Syvarris" from "The Fall of Va

[Darconus]

Chapter One cont.

The tower door shook. Minions were trying every possible route to enter the tower and take Syvarris and the archers.
"Sir, what are our orders?"
Syvarris loosed another arrow, "Survive! That's all."
The archers held the windows, continually knocking back the Minions. The dark sky began to lighten, causing the Minions to withdraw. Syvarris came down from the second floor window, "How is everyone on arrows?"
The archers reported that stocks were low, and as Syvarris was telling them to go out and collect fallen arrows a horn sounded across the mountain.
The haggard warriors walked from the Tower and were greeted by Kaelin and a group of Aubriens.
Kaelin spoke, "The Minions are routed. They are fleeing through the valley to the east."
The lead Aubrien nodded, "And we bring news from the Uthauran borderlands. MacDirk and many others have seen an army of Soulborgs. They are known to be near Weston. Sir Denrick has been gone for five years, but Lord Harrick has begged our help."
Syvarris rested his bow on his shoulder, "Then we help him. The Minions will be a long time in trying to retake this mountain. Archers, we go to Weston!"
Kaelin sheathed his daggers, "I will go with you. Sentinels have been seen near Weston." He offered Syvarris his hand.
The elf grasped the Half-Kyrie's hand, "Then we go. Harrick will be glad to see us."

End of Chapter One

[Dragonslayer]

Really nice, allthough I loved the action-packed FoV, the flow on this one is much more to my liking. Keep up the great work!

[Taelord]

Sooooo Cooooooool Carravagio is the best map builder, and You are definetly the best Fan-Fic writer. I bow down to you. You need to submit this to Codex. Publish it to

[Su_Nan]

I dont want to sound like a basher of this but how many people who say this stuff is great actually know anything about writing and the different variants of writing a story? I don't want to make fun of anyone, believe me thats the last thing I want to do.

I have a four year degree in English Writiing from the University of Pittsburgh and know a thing or two about writing stories of all different kinds. So please don't think that I know nothing about this.

But when I read this stuff it doesn't seem all that great because of how everything is put together. There isn't anything different from all the different writers i've read. The only thing that comes to mind when I read the comments is that getting great reviews from people who don't write really isn't say all that much. Much of it sounds too much like parts of Lord of the Rings (I know most of any fantasy writing does sound like Lord of the Rings) especially the begining of the first piece where Sylvaris is trapped with just few allies and hordes of minions are closing in on their position (Mines of Moria?)

I also know that getting great reviews from everybody really gives you a reason to keep writing but its like my english professor always said (named the best college english professor of 2004) "its the quality of the comments that makes a writer great"

I just thought it would be good to get some criticism from some one who knows writing inside and out. Your stuff is ok, but not the greatest thing under the sun.

[Fallen Templar]

Yea to Weston!!!!

[player_of_volleyball]

Originally Posted by Su_Nan

I dont want to sound like a basher of this but how many people who say this stuff is great actually know anything about writing and the different variants of writing a story? I don't want to make fun of anyone, believe me thats the last thing I want to do.

I have a four year degree in English Writiing from the University of Pittsburgh and know a thing or two about writing stories of all different kinds. So please don't think that I know nothing about this.

But when I read this stuff it doesn't seem all that great because of how everything is put together. There isn't anything different from all the different writers i've read. The only thing that comes to mind when I read the comments is that getting great reviews from people who don't write really isn't say all that much. Much of it sounds too much like parts of Lord of the Rings (I know most of any fantasy writing does sound like Lord of the Rings) especially the begining of the first piece where Sylvaris is trapped with just few allies and hordes of minions are closing in on their position (Mines of Moria?)

I also know that getting great reviews from everybody really gives you a reason to keep writing but its like my english professor always said (named the best college english professor of 2004) "its the quality of the comments that makes a writer great"

I just thought it would be good to get some criticism from some one who knows writing inside and out. Your stuff is ok, but not the greatest thing under the sun.

oh come on leave us to our silly stories and what not. Why you gotta rain on his parade? I think this stuff is great, but everyone is intitled to their opinion i guess.

[Taelord]

Originally Posted by Su_Nan

I dont want to sound like a basher of this but how many people who say this stuff is great actually know anything about writing and the different variants of writing a story? I don't want to make fun of anyone, believe me thats the last thing I want to do.

I have a four year degree in English Writiing from the University of Pittsburgh and know a thing or two about writing stories of all different kinds. So please don't think that I know nothing about this.

But when I read this stuff it doesn't seem all that great because of how everything is put together. There isn't anything different from all the different writers i've read. The only thing that comes to mind when I read the comments is that getting great reviews from people who don't write really isn't say all that much. Much of it sounds too much like parts of Lord of the Rings (I know most of any fantasy writing does sound like Lord of the Rings) especially the begining of the first piece where Sylvaris is trapped with just few allies and hordes of minions are closing in on their position (Mines of Moria?)

I also know that getting great reviews from everybody really gives you a reason to keep writing but its like my english professor always said (named the best college english professor of 2004) "its the quality of the comments that makes a writer great"

I just thought it would be good to get some criticism from some one who knows writing inside and out. Your stuff is ok, but not the greatest thing under the sun.

Your crazy Su-Nan. Darconus's stuff is awesome.

[feekonea]

Originally Posted by Su_Nan

I dont want to sound like a basher of this but how many people who say this stuff is great actually know anything about writing and the different variants of writing a story? I don't want to make fun of anyone, believe me thats the last thing I want to do.

I have a four year degree in English Writiing from the University of Pittsburgh and know a thing or two about writing stories of all different kinds. So please don't think that I know nothing about this.

But when I read this stuff it doesn't seem all that great because of how everything is put together. There isn't anything different from all the different writers i've read. The only thing that comes to mind when I read the comments is that getting great reviews from people who don't write really isn't say all that much. Much of it sounds too much like parts of Lord of the Rings (I know most of any fantasy writing does sound like Lord of the Rings) especially the begining of the first piece where Sylvaris is trapped with just few allies and hordes of minions are closing in on their position (Mines of Moria?)

I also know that getting great reviews from everybody really gives you a reason to keep writing but its like my english professor always said (named the best college english professor of 2004) "its the quality of the comments that makes a writer great"

I just thought it would be good to get some criticism from some one who knows writing inside and out. Your stuff is ok, but not the greatest thing under the sun.

he is right though, everything is put together for us, its not like were making this up on our own, cuz were not. Im not trying to target anyone, because I also make this stuff, and I have used lines from Lord of the rings in my fan fic actually, it was just one though.

[Su_Nan]

Originally Posted by Taelord

Your crazy Su-Nan. Darconus's stuff is awesome.

Im just curious to what your writing background is?

[Dragonslayer]

post deleted due irrelevance to this thread

[Su_Nan]

What do I have to show everyone a picture or my Bachelor's of Arts degree to have everyone take me seriously?

[Taelord]

I just think your being an idiot about this. What's the big deal about Darconus's stuff. If he likes writing and we like reading it why can't we keep doing it. Just leave Darconus alone and go bow down to your best english teacher of the year.