Dilmir: A Tale of Feylund

[TheAverageFan]

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

The rest of the story followed the same general lines as this version, except for the end. For a long time, from the very beginning, I had a really strange ending in my head. Only when I got close to writing it, did I begin to realize that it didn't make any sense compared to the rest of the story. However, I'll relate it here. Mainly because TAF called it. So if you hate it, blame him.

Hey; don't blame me! I do prefer the changes we got, although it's interesting to think how easily the story could've gone with Alfimir being good and Eltuthar being evil as opposed to vise versa.

Anyhow, another few chapters read and I'm all caught up, although there seems to be 10+ chapters missing between Chapter 26 and Chapter 37. Oh well. Here are my thoughts:

Spoiler Alert!

I think I'd rate this one a 7/10. It started out pretty sluggish and spent a huge amount of time establishing the world for a story that ultimately only feels like the beginning of a much larger narrative. And there was so much training. So much training! But it got consistently better and more interesting as it went. Once Dilmir met Eltuthar I was hooked because I had no idea where the story could possibly be going.

There were a few minor confusions for me. I didn't expect Alfimir to come back because I thought Eltuthar had killed him with that spell he used, and I wasn't sure how he fits in with the fake narrative Dilmir spins to the public at the end since he knows the truth. Maybe it's because Ilrin has dirt on him or something. I also thought Dilmir's parents were dead--is his father not also gifted with magic? It was also strange that we never met the king; I don't know if his name is even mentioned once.

Anyway I really liked the direction it went, even though I was wrong about Eltuthar being a secret asshole. His character was really interesting and unique being so genuinely good. The magic was well done and there were some unique spells that stuck out to me imagining them in my mind. I also thought the ending was clever. It's very difficult making a story interesting when the main character is in-universe canonically the most powerful person and basically undefeatable, but you made it work. I'd read sequels to this, even ones that dip into Valhalla. What happens if our characters meet Sonlen?

~TAF

[TGRF]

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

Hey; don't blame me! I do prefer the changes we got, although it's interesting to think how easily the story could've gone with Alfimir being good and Eltuthar being evil as opposed to vise versa.

Anyhow, another few chapters read and I'm all caught up, although there seems to be 10+ chapters missing between Chapter 26 and Chapter 37. Oh well. Here are my thoughts:

Spoiler Alert!

I think I'd rate this one a 7/10. It started out pretty sluggish and spent a huge amount of time establishing the world for a story that ultimately only feels like the beginning of a much larger narrative. And there was so much training. So much training! But it got consistently better and more interesting as it went. Once Dilmir met Eltuthar I was hooked because I had no idea where the story could possibly be going.

There were a few minor confusions for me. I didn't expect Alfimir to come back because I thought Eltuthar had killed him with that spell he used, and I wasn't sure how he fits in with the fake narrative Dilmir spins to the public at the end since he knows the truth. Maybe it's because Ilrin has dirt on him or something. I also thought Dilmir's parents were dead--is his father not also gifted with magic? It was also strange that we never met the king; I don't know if his name is even mentioned once.

Anyway I really liked the direction it went, even though I was wrong about Eltuthar being a secret asshole. His character was really interesting and unique being so genuinely good. The magic was well done and there were some unique spells that stuck out to me imagining them in my mind. I also thought the ending was clever. It's very difficult making a story interesting when the main character is in-universe canonically the most powerful person and basically undefeatable, but you made it work. I'd read sequels to this, even ones that dip into Valhalla. What happens if our characters meet Sonlen?

~TAF

Spoiler Alert!

Well given that I literally said in chapter sixteen: "He could see that Alfimir still breathed, and would be awake in an hour or two." I kind of figured that it was obvious Alfimir was alive.

As far as fitting in with the fake narrative, you're mostly right. It's a bit shaky now that I look back on it, but basically the council is downright paranoid about anyone being more powerful than they are: including Alfimir. Ilrin and Dilmir both know that Alfimir has dabbled in and used magic from Eltuthar/unknown sources that the council would be afraid of. Dilmir also knows that Alfimir was once a pupil of Eltuthar, which Alfimir very much wants to keep quiet. But... all Alfimir would really have to do would be to deny the claims Dilmir/Ilrin made, since there were no other witnesses. Besides Eltuthar, who obviously doesn't count. So yeah, a bit shaky there.

As far as parents go... I think these fantasy novels where the 'young hero' becomes possessed of 'great power' and then fights the 'evil overlords' has a tendency to have the parents dead. I followed that... and then actually realized that I was following it, and quickly added Dilmir's parents in as being alive. That's why they play so little part in this.

As for Dilmir's father having the same magic... he does. As does his father (who really is dead). You are actually the first person to realize this, oddly enough. My reasoning was that Dilmir's father never used his full power like Dilmir did, and was able to live a normal life. He KNOWS about the power of course, but has simply never used it, and probably would have to train quite a bit to be able to control it. If I ever post the sequels, try not to think about that detail.

The king is never met or mentioned in the entire trilogy. He serves zero purpose and fills no role.

As far as meeting Sonlen, nothing special would happen. Sonlen is just another archmage, like Alfimir. Alfimir is likely more powerful than Sonlen, because Alfimir has studied areas of magic that Sonlen would never touch.

The two sequels to this do not dip into Valhalla at all. I might or might not post them. If I do, I might want to tweak some passages. However, I doubt I can tweak things without destroying the whole ending of the trilogy, and I certainly don't want to do that. So... we'll see.

~TGRF.

[TGRF]

I was recently possessed by a desire to reread the sequels to Dilmir, just to double-check the theme and see if there was any chance of reposting. The answer is that the sequels still probably won't be posted. The only way they would be reposted is either after heavy revisions, or a total rewrite. Neither of which I will say are out of the realm of possibility, though both are currently unlikely.

However, both of the sequels relied on a map - my interpretation of the world of Feylund. Like the map of Eld'rin for this story, that map was hand-drawn, and re-reading the first sequel, it occurred to me how easy it would be to recreate it in Wonderdraft - the software I use to make maps these days. So I took a morning and did that, and am quite pleased with the way it turned out. So here it is:

~TGRF.