News Headline Add-Ons

[davidlhsl]

Two separate headlines, but hilarious when read together. I don't even have to embellish these.

Can it get any worse for Whole Foods?

Gates' poop water machine gets a test run

[davidlhsl]

Home Depot has good news for housing: they are fully stocked on toilets!
KFC has another new Col. Sanders after the other one fell into the deep fryer.
This killed 18,600 in just six months: Taco Bell.
Jets zip past Chicago at 350 mph while dropping 15,000 pieces of lost luggage.
Joan Baez + Julia Roberts + Taylor Swift? = every woman who has ever dumped me.
4-year-old model melts hearts, barriers, and polar ice caps.
Royal Navy tests advanced nuclear sub. I'll miss Argentina.
Desperate whale stuns boaters by doing this: beaching itself onto the boat's poop deck.

[mac122]

Ashley Madison cheaters list now searchable online and Free divorce seminar at Chesterfield Mall Sep. 26. Coincidence? I think not!

Pizza reveals A LOT about you, especially my middle.

Walpole school votes to block sight of Confederate flag by purchasing blinders for every student.

Maintenance workers stumble on an 18th-century shipwreck, wondering who left it in the middle of the hallway.

American astronauts are drinking recycled Russian pee in space "prank" gone horribly wrong!

Japan delivers whiskey to space station ... for science. Science....r-i-i-i-i-ght. Might explain the "pee prank".

Jets QB Ryan Fitzpatrick believes he's poised for a breakout year. Heck, if you played for the Jets, you'd want to break out, too.

[davidlhsl]

Originally Posted by mac122

American astronauts are drinking recycled Russian pee in space "prank" gone horribly wrong!

Japan delivers whiskey to space station ... for science. Science....r-i-i-i-i-ght. Might explain the "pee prank".

I thought that vodka tasted funny. (bleah)

[Porkins]

Originally Posted by mac122

Pizza reveals A LOT about you, especially my middle.

I was actually, literally eating pizza when I read this.


/looks down at middle

[mac122]

Ashley Madison CEO steps down in wake of hacking. Turns out he was also CEO of another company.

[davidlhsl]

Finally found a decent set of headlines that didn't completely depress me...

Here comes Ben Carson.There goes Ben Carson. What was that all about?
Uh-oh, Dow plunges again. Buy high, sell low. That's my motto!
Christie might 'go nuclear'. So much for Ben Carson.
Cops at wrong house shoot owner. The Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes Prize Patrol do that all the time.
'End times' or just a blood moon? If Trump becomes President, put me down for 'End Times.'
Trump's foreign policy like a board game? I love "King of Tokyo!"
Obama to appear on survival show after he gets voted out of the Big Brother house.
'Ready for Kanye' committee formed. I guess Kanye isn't quite ready.

[mac122]

Cubs call up 2B Baez, ask him if his refrigerator is running, snicker, then hang up.

[davidlhsl]

Salmon spawns on Obama



I...



I... honestly don't know what to say.

[mac122]

Originally Posted by davidlhsl

Salmon spawns on Obama



I...



I... honestly don't know what to say.

Well, I guess that's better than what he's been doing to us for the last 6 years.


Just How Accurate Is Wikipedia? Well, not very: Patriots hater dubs Judge Berman 'Satan reincarnate' on Wikipedia. We all know Bill Belichick holds that title.


Sign #297 of the impending Armageddon: 'Awesomesauce' is now in the dictionary.

[mac122]

There's Now a Vending Machine That Dispenses Hot French Fries. One question. How can I get one of these for my home?

Top tech for finding lost items. Is there tech for finding the lost tech that was supposed to help me find lost items? How about some tech for finding the lost tech that was supposed to help me find the lost tech that was supposed to help me find lost items? How about...

Military eyes 'Gremlin drones'. OK, how many of you pictured something like this when you read the headline?

[davidlhsl]

Originally Posted by mac122

There's Now a Vending Machine That Dispenses Hot French Fries. One question. How can I get one of these for my home?

Wow, I >love< french fries! Mmmm, actually, I like tater tots even more.



I'm going to have to google details on that headline. That sounds positively intriguing, assuming they found a way to keep the fries from getting stale.

Edit: Ok, found it. It's prototyping in the Netherlands, and the machine actually fries them on order (2 minutes to fry). Seems there would be problems with the grease getting stale.

Sorry about the diversion, but that headline really grabbed me.