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#49
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Re: Have Luck
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~TGRF. |
#50
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS Ch. 25 - a zombie story
Good ol' Photoshop. Basic brush tool using colors close to Heroscaper's background and made slightly transparent. Then sized down to 75x75 pixels.
~TAF TAF was the Storyteller... in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT |
#51
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS Ch. 25 - a zombie story
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~TGRF. |
#52
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story
Yes. This post is real. It's happening.
I've finished the rewriting for the first Dilmir sequel (you're not the only one who can do shameless plugs, TAF), and it's generally my practice to try my best to forget about the story for a day or two before going back to edit it. I'm in that phase now, and figured what better way to forget one story than by reading another? So here I am. You've read my works and given me your thoughts, TAF; it's high time I return the favor. I like to post my thoughts chapter by chapter, so that's my plan. When I finish the story, I'll post my thoughts as a whole. Also, I am known as a grammar freak by certain unnamed individuals, but am also aware that pointing out grammar flaws might not be the most sought-after criticism. So I'll refrain from doing that unless you really want it. ---- On with the review! I've only read the prologue and chapter one so far, but I can tell you have a way of conveying action which just... works. There isn't much description, sometimes none at all, but I can just see the whole thing unfolding in my head. I've also liked how you start dropping hints which we the readers know mean something bad, but the characters don't pick up on right away. Because then we know what's coming, and are waiting for it to happen. It wouldn't work over the long term, because then the character just seems dumb, but over the space of a few paragraphs, it works great. Once you said Angie didn't pass Thomas on the last trip, I knew what was coming. I also especially loved the comparison of the apartment building to a domino. Just a really good description I wouldn't have thought of. I could see the shape perfectly. A few nitpicks: How do people protest a comet? I mean obviously there's more to these comets than we know right now, but nothing suggests they're man-made, so... how is protesting them going to help? There was kind of an abrupt transition to Silvin's PoV at the end of chapter 1. It didn't really throw me that much, but it did seem odd. Oh, and Silvin... great name for a villain. Love that. I'll edit additional thoughts here as I continue reading, barring replies. ~TGRF. |
#53
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story
I honestly need to reread this sucker myself for various reasons. If for no other reason than to jog my writing muscles for how I used to pen these things. Should've read Peak of Emptyness if you wanted a quicker jaunt through my work.
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~TAF, glad to have some traction and maybe it'll give you some ideas for current or future projects. Also definitely let me know of any grammatical issues so I can fix them TAF was the Storyteller... in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT |
#54
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story
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Prologue:
Spoiler Alert!
Chapter 1:
Spoiler Alert!
Concerning Peak of Emptiness... I don't do well with horror. If I get freaked out writing my own short horror story, I can guess that reading yours - when you've mentioned Silent Hill 2 so much - is probably not the best of ideas. ~TGRF. |
#55
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story
Finished chapter 4. Immediate impressions:
Okay now you've got me. It was getting a bit rocky there. Thoughts so far:
Spoiler Alert!
Grammar stuff:
Spoiler Alert!
~TGRF. Last edited by TGRF; March 17th, 2022 at 11:24 PM. |
#56
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story
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Spoiler Alert!
Also thanks again with the grammar. The result of being a one-man editing team is my uncanny ability to reread the same thing several times and miss an obvious typo or error every singe time I do it. ~TAF, also rereading along at this point TAF was the Storyteller... in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT |
#57
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story
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Side note: When operating with a group like this, you've got to be careful to keep sympathy more or less balanced between them. If one character has far more sympathy than others, the reader starts to tire of the less-sympathetic characters and hold every little thing against them. You can totally open mid-hook; I do it all the time. It's a great way to suck the reader into the action. But making sure we care about the characters ASAP is critical. I like to open mid-hook, with the character doing something sure to gain them sympathy. Dan opens as the victim of an injustice. So does Dilmir. Raelin opens conflicted between a selfish desire and a selfless one. Utgar opens with discipline, strength, and soon afterwards, resourcefulness. Quote:
~TGRF, off to read some more. |
#58
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story
So I've read chapter 5 and... 5 part two? Anyway, I wanted to get some thoughts in before I get into chapter 6, seeing as it promises to... shake things up a bit.
Spoiler Alert!
Grammar:
Spoiler Alert!
~TGRF. |
#59
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story
Have read chapters 6, 7, and Thorn's story.
Some thoughts:
Spoiler Alert!
Grammar:
Spoiler Alert!
~TGRF, will read more soon. |
#60
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story
Grammar for 8, 9, and 10:
Spoiler Alert!
Speculation:
Spoiler Alert!
~TGRF, will read more. |
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