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View Poll Results: Would you play AND/OR allow this custom?
Yes-I would play AND/OR allow this custom 17 89.47%
No-Underpowered 0 0%
No-Overpowered 1 5.26%
No-Other Reason 1 5.26%
Voters: 19. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old November 25th, 2006, 10:13 AM
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justjohn justjohn is offline
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Barracks Voting & Discussion:Al Mahktar. Voting Closed

Fallen Templar's Al Mahktar:


Figure used: Valenar Nomad Charger, Rare from D&D Miniatures Blood War expansion.

You can find discussion of Al Mahktar, as well as the rest of Fallen Templar's work here.

Voting Started! Voting Ends 11/29.

Anyone can nominate a custom for the Barracks here.

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  #2  
Old November 25th, 2006, 01:26 PM
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ChaosChild ChaosChild is offline
 
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Here are my concerns as stated in FT's Creator of the Week thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaosChild
First, Al Mahktar. This might be a bit rules lawyery but, the way Speed of a Sandstorm is worded, the 4 extra move is added to his move value after he has moved (during his attack) and thus would not come into play. Also, Merciless as the Desert could use some clarification as to what "pass adjacent to" is.

Here are my suggestions to clear up the concerns that I noted. I hope that I stayed within your vision of the Merciless as the Desert ability.

Speed of a Sandstorm
If Al Mahktar did not use Merciless as the Desert or attack this turn, he may move 4 additional spaces.

Merciless as the Desert
Roll the 20-sided die for each opponents' small or medium figure that was not adjacent at the start of the turn that Al Mahktar disengaged from during his normal move. If you roll a 15-17, that figure recieves 1 wound. If you roll an 18 or 19, that figure recieves 2 wounds. If you roll a 20 destroy that figure.

Kumiko is not impressed with your sculpt, either.
  #3  
Old November 25th, 2006, 01:39 PM
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InfinityMax InfinityMax is offline
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I like this one. I'm all for it.
  #4  
Old November 25th, 2006, 02:28 PM
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The wording of the second power is awkward, both on the card and, unfortunately, in Chaos Child's revision. Chaos is on the right track, but it still needs work. I'm not sure how the Merciless power can really be elegant.....that's a hard fix.

I like the idea of it and the theme, but that power is going to be a real wording and rules bear I think.

The first power just needs a little touch-up in wording...Chaos is on the right track with that.

At present, I would vote no. If it is possible to word this card in a clean and elegant manner, I would heartily vote yes.
  #5  
Old November 25th, 2006, 03:00 PM
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I still think the same as in the creator of the week thread...
Quote:
Originally Posted by hi1hi1hi1hi1
Well technically it's not Monday yet, but I'm up anyway so might-as-well give a looking over your customs. Starting from the top I'll look at Al Mahktar now and get back to you on the rest of them.

Just wanted to say that from a purley asthetics view, this card looks amazing, actually all of your customs look amazing in that reguard.

MERCILESS AS THE DESERT
Nitpicking, nothings really wrong here, but you should fix the text so that after "inflict 1 wound" there is not such a huge space. You could also move the "Al" up to the first line to even that out a little too.

Also I would change the end of the text to say, "Merciless as the Desert may not be used if Speed of a Sandstorm was used this turn," rather than using activate as you have it now.

I would have the power start off saying, "During his movement, if Al Mahktar passes adjacent..." Maybe also get rid of passes and put in the word "is", I don't know about that though.

Just a comment, why don't you want Merciless as the Desert to work when using Speed of a Sandstorm. I know it would make him a lot more powerful, but if the horse was running extremely fast to cause a sandstorm then other figures adjacent sould be hit by the flying sand particles, possibly injuring them. Just looking at it from how it would happen in real life. I know he already costs a lot so thats probably the reason why not, correct?

EDIT: After looking over the points its definately best not to add the extra movement to Merciless as the Desert.

Point Analasis
First of his basic stats would place him at around 90 right off the bat I would say. Then you have to add in the specials. Speed of a Sandstorm would not add much, neither would disengage, but Merciless as the Dessert could do a truckload of damage under the right circumstances. I'm not sure that he would cost 170 points. That seems very high for Merciless only affecting small and mediums, as it should. Even though he is a warlord and bonds with the Roman Legionnaries and Sacred Band I still don't think he is worth 170. I would lower him to around 150. I know that in your thread the question of undercosted and overpowered was raised, but I don't know, 170 points is very high and I think he's worth a little less.

Questions
1.)If Al Mahktar starts his normal movement adjacent to an opponent's figure does he still roll the die?
2.)If Al Mahktar ends his normal movement adjacent to an opponent's figure does he still roll the die?
And later my rewordings, I think they clear up a little, still need to be worked on though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hi1hi1hi1hi1
SPEED OF A SANDSTORM
"After moving and instead of attacking, Al Mahktar may move an extra 4 spaces. Al Mahkar may not use Speed of a Sandstorm if he used Merciless as the Desert this turn."
Quote:
Originally Posted by hi1hi1hi1hi1
MERCILESS AS THE DESERT
"If Al Mahktar moved adjacent to any small or medium enemy figure and then disengaged that figure during his normal movement, roll the 20 sided die. If you roll a 15-17 the figure recieves 1 wound. If you roll a 18-19 the figure recieves 2 wounds. If you roll a 20 destroy the figure. Merciless as the Desert cannot be used if Speed of a Sandstorm was used this turn."

Feedback: We could all use a little more
  #6  
Old November 25th, 2006, 03:12 PM
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Totally agree with ChaosChild's revisionary suggestions.
Also, I think the +4 move is a bit much... it lets him snag early powerful glyphs, like, say, the summoning one, before almost anyone can react. I don't think there's any official units that can match that kind of speed without Frenzying. I know he's 170 for a reason, but I'd feel better about him if the bonus was cut to +1 or +2 and his point cost shaved a teensy bit to compensate.
Finally, I think fearless is kind of a redundant personality type. Relentless means very nearly the same thing, and would enable synergy with official units. If you don't like that, there's also Ferocious and Wild. I'm not opposed to new personality types when they're needed, but in this case it just doesn't seem too necessary.

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  #7  
Old November 26th, 2006, 03:33 PM
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Hi1's later suggestions are pretty good.

I agree that +4 move might be too high, like KArk says. Perhaps just take it down one notch to +3, or all the way down to +2.
  #8  
Old November 26th, 2006, 03:47 PM
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I gave a critique of him in the Custom Creator of the Week thread.

I thought the 170 points was enough to warrant the 11 move.
  #9  
Old November 26th, 2006, 06:21 PM
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Merciless as the desert, the way it is worded, what is preventing anyone from simply circling a figure and inflicting lots of wounds on a target hero? Perhaps use the word disengaged instead of passed? Also, minor typo with spacing in the wording. It is limited to small and medium. For 170 points and his current stats, I can live with the 11 movement since it is not compatible with the merciless as the desert ability. Overall I would vote yes with minor corrections.

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  #10  
Old November 26th, 2006, 09:24 PM
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Most Recent update Taelord uploaded an earlier version

Hope this clears up any problems.

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  #11  
Old November 26th, 2006, 09:58 PM
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What is actually happening with Merciless as the Desert? Is he kicking up a sandstorm which is damaging the targets? Or is he just attacking them as he rides past?
  #12  
Old November 27th, 2006, 12:37 AM
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Still has a timing issue with Speed of a Sandstorm. You are adding to his movement after his movement phase is over. I removed the word "additional" from my previous wording because it was doing the same thing. If you do use this, be sure to take the last line of Merciless as the Desert out.

Speed of a Sandstorm
If Al Mahktar did not use Merciless as the Desert or attack this turn, he may move 4 spaces.

Kumiko is not impressed with your sculpt, either.
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