The Book of Demona

[Karat]

You can do that in a single sentence

"Misguided and treacherous, Demona blames the human race for the mistreatment of her people and the loss of her clan."

Sure it doesnt capture everything, but we don't need to. We are giving theme nods here not a full Background or even trying to capture a piece of every detail.

[johnny139]

I'm fine with a long bio, I would just keep parts of it under a spoiler tag or something. It's something you only need to reference once, while the rest of the post (synergies, weaknesses, the text of the card) you'll be referencing a lot more often. That scrolling time is gonna add up!

[Lazy Orang]

Originally Posted by Karat

You can do that in a single sentence

"Misguided and treacherous, Demona blames the human race for the mistreatment of her people and the loss of her clan."

Sure it doesnt capture everything, but we don't need to. We are giving theme nods here not a full Background or even trying to capture a piece of every detail.

Chap, you were the one who wanted me to put the whole seeing and hearing magic thing in her bio. (In all honesty, that's first thing I'd cut if I could - it's the least crucial to her character by a long way.)
I'm just conveying her origin as simply as possible, the same way you would for a character like Batman (who honestly needs far less introduction). It's just unfortunate that her origin happens to span centuries.
Plus, the whole Macbeth thing is also necessary to explain her power-set (even though it is spoiler and I'm not wild about having it for that reason).

[IAmBatman]

Batman's Bio is an example of a pretty pithy one, actually. He's a fairly complex character, but I feel that bio covers him in a way that would work even for someone who's never heard of him.

[Lazy Orang]

Originally Posted by IAmBatman

Batman's Bio is an example of a pretty pithy one, actually. He's a fairly complex character, but I feel that bio covers him in a way that would work even for someone who's never heard of him.

Exactly, but his basics and his origin are pretty easy to get down, and they're all covered - parents killed, inherits 'phat stackz of cash', learns everything he could ever need to learn abroad, dons a mask and beats up criminals to distract from his own deep seated mental issues. Demona's basic origin, particularly when you need to explain her powerset, is a lot trickier.

[LordVenoc]

I've read through the bio two or three times and see no need to have the second and third paragraphs like they are now. That's a whole lot of words that aee just giving some basic gargoyles history (unneeded) and justifying the enemy human initiative boost. You can quickly summarize it then move on to the MacBeth part, which is far more necessary a focus comparatively.

[Lazy Orang]

The second paragraph is her origin, though - it's the inciting incident which put her on the path to being who she is. It's Joe Chill gunning down the Waynes, it's Parker getting bitten by a radioactive spider, it's Kal-El being shot into space before Krypton explodes, it's Tony Stark getting captured by insurgents and building his first suit in a cave. It needs to be there.
The third paragraph may be able to be shortened and/or fused into the fourth, though.

[IAmBatman]

The bio is honestly so much less important than finishing the rest of the links in the OP and voting this On Deck anyhow.

[Karat]

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

Chap, you were the one who wanted me to put the whole seeing and hearing magic thing in her bio. (In all honesty, that's first thing I'd cut if I could - it's the least crucial to her character by a long way.)
I'm just conveying her origin as simply as possible, the same way you would for a character like Batman (who honestly needs far less introduction). It's just unfortunate that her origin happens to span centuries.
Plus, the whole Macbeth thing is also necessary to explain her power-set (even though it is spoiler and I'm not wild about having it for that reason).

I'd say you can drop it. I more meant while it was attached to the spell anyways. I'd drop the Macbeth bit and then just include it on him.

[LordVenoc]

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

The second paragraph is her origin, though - it's the inciting incident which put her on the path to being who she is. It's Joe Chill gunning down the Waynes, it's Parker getting bitten by a radioactive spider, it's Kal-El being shot into space before Krypton explodes, it's Tony Stark getting captured by insurgents and building his first suit in a cave. It needs to be there.
The third paragraph may be able to be shortened and/or fused into the fourth, though.

All of those things are either not in their bio, or quickly summarized. Which is why I recommended summarizing not completely cutting. She made a deal with humans long ago and got betrayed, causing many of her clan to be forever trapped in stone. We don't map out what movie the Waynes were at and why they left, as not every detail is relevant in a summary bio.

But Bats is right that getting things linked is way more important.

[Lazy Orang]

Originally Posted by Karat

I'd say you can drop it. I more meant while it was attached to the spell anyways. I'd drop the Macbeth bit and then just include it on him.

Honestly, from a narrative/spoiler level, that'd be my preference, actually, but my concern was that that would make her resurrection power feel like a nonsense.

Originally Posted by IAmBatman

The bio is honestly so much less important than finishing the rest of the links in the OP and voting this On Deck anyhow.

I was going to say I had done, until I noticed I hadn't linked the art - as I said, I'm not a natural administrator, and this is one part of the process you can rely on my to be consistently fairly crap at.
Should be sorted now.

[IAmBatman]

Now you just need to update "art by" and make a proposal.