Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale

[TGRF]

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

I may or may not be behind again. Sor. Although chapter spoilers indicating Valhallan things have certainly spurred my interest. I wasn't sure if this story was gonna make it to Valhalla or not, a la Heart of Vengeance.

~TAF, busy today but will try to get on it

I've promised Valhalla and failed to deliver too often (Heart, Dilmir). I figured I had one last shot, and had better make it happen.



~TGRF.

[TGRF]

Chapters 25-27 are now live. Here is Chapter Twenty-Five - Recruits, and the others are in the drop down.



Also, I've just put all of the additional content at the top of the drop down menu, since there's no simple way to nest drop downs. You should find 'Dan's Cell' and 'The SR Unit' there. You should also find the newest addition, a map of Dan's corner of Valhalla.



~TGRF.

[TGRF]

So....



~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

So....



~TGRF.

I am finally caught up, but I just don't have much to say other than I'm glad to be in Valhalla.

Judging from the current pacing (at least compared to what I'm used to) and the map provided, this looks like it's going to be a huge story. We're 27 chapters in and it feels like we're just getting started.

~TAF, who really needs to get back to writing his own big projects

[TGRF]

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

I am finally caught up, but I just don't have much to say other than I'm glad to be in Valhalla.

Judging from the current pacing (at least compared to what I'm used to) and the map provided, this looks like it's going to be a huge story. We're 27 chapters in and it feels like we're just getting started.

~TAF, who really needs to get back to writing his own big projects

I went ahead and posted the rest of part two, all the way up to Chapter 33 - Backfire. It begins with Chapter Twenty-Eight - Training, and the following chapters can be found both on the side bar and in the drop down.



Is there anything you DON'T like so far? Any part(s) you think could have been done better? I know there are some parts in HiS which I would have redone if I were to write the whole thing again; I'm curious how obvious they are to the reader.



~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

Originally Posted by The Grim Reaper's Friend

Is there anything you DON'T like so far? Any part(s) you think could have been done better? I know there are some parts in HiS which I would have redone if I were to write the whole thing again; I'm curious how obvious they are to the reader.

My only major criticism is that Dan takes a really long time to figure things out, be it years to figure out his arms or days to figure out whether he's in SR or not. I as the reader feel like I'm always waiting for him to catch up, when you typically want the audience and POV character to be on the same page. It should be noted that this is a subjective criticism though since different readers will have differing--and mostly all valid--opinions on this topic depending how fast or slow they themselves are. Also I assume Dan is supposed to be dumb given his limited upbringing.

This does however lead to one of my major compliments of this story. My #1 goal when writing The Moon Has Wings was to employ free indirect speech--that is to have the 3rd person narrative sort of change and meld with whoever was the POV character at the time, to reflect their worldview. While not directly doing this exactly, HiS so far makes great use of the 3rd person to reflect Dan's personality and reasoning for everything he does (truly exposing the horrible lie that 1st person is superior to 3rd). Even though Dan is dumb, he is always relatable and understandable because of the way the story is written. I may ask "how" every now and again, but I've never once asked "why"? I've found myself questioning much smarter characters in the past because the story doesn't take the time to explain them to me, or worse yet tries to sneak it under the radar for the sense of the drama. Because this story takes its time exploring that, the drama is excellent when it might not otherwise be for any other writer.

(Exhale.)

My only nitpick criticism is the use of the word "English" referring to a Mariedian's language raises some questions. Usually one sneaks by this problem when it's brought up by referring to it as the Common tongue, using some sort of translation device or magic.

~TAF, wait was that a reverse compliment sandwich? Er, sorry about that...