The Fall of Feylund

[The Grim Reaper's Friend]

Greetings readers and writers, and welcome to the third installment in the Dilmir series: The Fall of Feylund. This is a direct sequel to The Curse of Feylund, and continues the tale of Dilmir and his magic.

Now, on the chance that you don't read my FFC blogs (for which you would be forgiven), it is important to note that this is NOT the end of the series. The series will continue and conclude with book four. You can read why I've made this decision, as well as what my immediate writing plans are, on the relevant blog post, and you should likely read that post before reading this story.

Onto the fiction itself. Most of what you need to know can be found in the introduction. Once again, the fiction is posted in its entirety over on my website. All chapters can be found in the drop-down under 'The Fall of Feylund'. And once again, the website is owned by me, and devoid of ads or background programs.

A few quick notes: there are three maps which go with this story. One is for Eld'rin, which you've seen before. One is for Feylund, which was tacked onto the end of book two. So you might have seen that, or you might have missed it. The final map is for the city of Elnnesar, and is new for this tale. All three maps are spoiler free.

There is a glossary for this fiction, located after all of the chapters. It should never strictly be required to understand what's going on, but if you do go to it, know that it too should be spoiler free. Obviously it contains translations for the spells spoken, but I don't think there's enough context to glean anything from them alone.

Finally, all PoV shifts should be separated clearly. If you find any which aren't, or any typos or other mistakes, please let me know. Other than that, enjoy the story, and please be sure to let me know what you thought. Your feedback is what makes my writing better.

You can begin reading here!

~TGRF.

[The Grim Reaper's Friend]

@TheAverageFan @AMIS @William099

Book three of the Dilmir series is now live!

~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

I am here.

I kinda forgot that you'd post the whole thing. I will get through it in shifts and give you the usual feedback.

22 Chapters doesn't seem any longer than the previous story

~TAF

[The Grim Reaper's Friend]

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

22 Chapters doesn't seem any longer than the previous story

~TAF

It was 114 pages of unbroken text. The Curse was 98 if I remember. So a tad longer. That 150 page prediction was from when I was still trying to squish two stories into one (see my blog).

~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

I have since read the blog, and it all makes sense now. I am curious if the fourth book will be much shorter if the way you described it is to be believed. At any rate, hopefully it fares better than when Eregon went from a trilogy to a cYcLE (I dunno if anything's ever made me drop all interest in a franchise faster than Brisignr, except maybe Kingdom Hearts 3D)

~TAF

[The Grim Reaper's Friend]

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

I have since read the blog, and it all makes sense now. I am curious if the fourth book will be much shorter if the way you described it is to be believed. At any rate, hopefully it fares better than when Eregon went from a trilogy to a cYcLE (I dunno if anything's ever made me drop all interest in a franchise faster than Brisignr, except maybe Kingdom Hearts 3D)

~TAF

I hope so too. As far as length goes, it's up in the air. It entirely depends on how many subplots I can weave into it, plus how long the main plot(s) take. It could be a quick 50 page dash or a 150 page monstrosity. Only time will tell.

~TGRF.

[AMIS]

I'll start it soon. Just finishing off other stuff.

[TheAverageFan]

OK I read some yesterday but didn't post my thoughts because things got a little carried away Here are my thoughts thus far

Spoiler Alert!

Ch. 1: I don't remember if I said this last time with Dilmir 2's opening with Cyprien and the gang but these starting chapters really feel more like Prologues, especially with this one assumedly taking place many many years before the story proper. These stories do have Epilogues so it's odd that they don't have Prologues and instead have Chapter 1's that feel like Prologues.

Anyway that's a giant chunk of text to say I noticed a thing and went "huh, that's odd". My only critique of the chapter itself is that it's funny that the council consistently alternated between Yays and Nays when asking them in a seemingly random order. Not a single instance of two elves of the same opinions happening to go twice in a row.

There are some good points raised on both sides which make it feel like a real debate of a morally-gray issue and like with real debates Mennerir's compromise to just ban bump stocks pleases nobody.

Ch. 2: I like this opening for Dilmir: right in the middle of a quest rather than waking up, training, talking about whether or not to do a mission, going on the mission, etc. I also like the ruthlessness of his approach in this story, justified with a time skip and by taking the ending consequences of Dilmir 2 seriously. It makes the ending of that story better in retrospect.

That being said, it is wrapping up the cliffhanger of that story with Inilidin rather quickly, like if the Three Hunters saved Merry and Pippin two pages into The Two Towers. I thought there'd be more to her capture than the Asdelarcen not knowing what to do with her and so just lugging her around the woods for THREE MONTHS. But I digress; the utter pointlessness of Inilidin as a character is yet to be determined depending on what happens in the story to come. Same goes for Endir. Like I don't think she even gets any dialogue. What a strange non-character. But I might eat these words.

Ch. 3: I really like the direction of having Dilmir in line to possibly become an archmage, and all the responsibilities and possible ugliness that might come with it. I can already see the makings of an arc with it, seeing Dilmir assume he's a shoe-in for the role solely because he's really powerful. But so far he's mostly had things his way in the previous stories (like Ilrin becoming Iskra seeming like a no-win scenario but in the end he still managed to get his cake and eat it too). He might make a really good archmage, or he might have to make some really hard choices. It's not like Alfimir was giddy at the idea of having to perform kinslaying on other elves when he got the job (I assume) in order to protect Eld'rin. It's a lot harder to be a soldier than a vigilante.

I also really like Dilmir's talk with Alfimir at the burial mound, another instance of improving Dilmir 2's ending by dwelling on its consequences, something a lot of sequels don't do. The two characters' attempt at mild bonding devolves pretty quickly into bickering which I like. I guess we'll find out whether or not Alfimir is correct regarding Dilmir's inexperience, or if his fears are once again unsubstantiated.

Also I have to say:

The Eld’rin he walked through was different from the Eld’rin he was used to. Normally at this hour, Elves would be opening their shops or setting up stalls. But the buildings Dilmir passed were silent, deserted.

It sounds pretty normal to me

Ch. 4: I really hope the best character of Dilmir 1 has not been permanently relegated to exposition-man. I'll withhold judgement on that for now as there's a lot of story left.

This threw me for a loop:

Dilmir nodded. Every elf learned the tale of the giants when they were young. It was said that an elf named Aranthar had created them, but not how or why.

I thought if every elf knew about this story that Aranthar would be a name Dilmir would know right away upon first learning about him. I literally went back to check Curse of Feylund, but it does say there that the name Aranthar sounded vaguely familiar to Dilmir, so kudos there for what I was sure would be a continuity error.

I like the formulation of a plan of attack as early as Chapter 4, and this story is already much faster-paced than the previous one. Having to convince or con the Curse spell from Alfimir, or heist-stealing it from the council's vaults sounds like it will be fun. This entry already feels so much less stagnant than Dilmir 2, and if it keeps that energy up then it should be really good.


Also could not find any spelling/grammar errors at all thus far, so well-done there.

Snarks and oddities aside, I like it a lot so far. I like the changes to Dilmir's character and the faster pace, and hopefully it keeps its momentum.

~TAF

[The Grim Reaper's Friend]

Thanks for the feedback TAF, keep it coming. Although I have to say I keep having this reaction whenever your early comments come in; because you speculate about what might come later, and invariably there's something in there where I go - 'darn. Why didn't I think of that?' But that aside, here's some replies:

Spoiler Alert!

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

Ch. 1: I don't remember if I said this last time with Dilmir 2's opening with Cyprien and the gang but these starting chapters really feel more like Prologues, especially with this one assumedly taking place many many years before the story proper. These stories do have Epilogues so it's odd that they don't have Prologues and instead have Chapter 1's that feel like Prologues.

I could have made this opening chapter a prologue; it didn't actually occur to me. The first two stories have chapter 1's which basically take place right before chapter 2, so it didn't make much sense for those to be prologues. Prologues tend to indicate a passage of time between them and chapter one in my experience.

Ch. 2:That being said, it is wrapping up the cliffhanger of that story with Inilidin rather quickly, like if the Three Hunters saved Merry and Pippin two pages into The Two Towers. I thought there'd be more to her capture than the Asdelarcen not knowing what to do with her and so just lugging her around the woods for THREE MONTHS. But I digress; the utter pointlessness of Inilidin as a character is yet to be determined depending on what happens in the story to come. Same goes for Endir. Like I don't think she even gets any dialogue. What a strange non-character. But I might eat these words.

Rescuing Inilidin early on was not something I was a fan of, but the alternative would have been worse. I explain why in the Author's Note at the end of the story. But still, all valid points and I agree completely.

Ch. 4: I really hope the best character of Dilmir 1 has not been permanently relegated to exposition-man. I'll withhold judgement on that for now as there's a lot of story left.

He hasn't.

This threw me for a loop:

I thought if every elf knew about this story that Aranthar would be a name Dilmir would know right away upon first learning about him. I literally went back to check Curse of Feylund, but it does say there that the name Aranthar sounded vaguely familiar to Dilmir, so kudos there for what I was sure would be a continuity error.

While the elves know Aranthar made the giants, they don't know why, so he's more of a footnote than anything else in that tale. Easily forgotten, especially in the face of widely-known enemies like Cyprien.

Looking forward to more feedback, and I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.

~TGRF.

[TheAverageFan]

Chapters 5 - 7:

Spoiler Alert!

Ch. 5: I like Dilmir's uncertainty with both the matters of the Curse, his own doubts, and his relationship with Ilrin seemingly deteriorating for reasons he isn't sure of.

But still, he had missed walking her back from training.

He still met her every morning and evening, walking her to and from training,

Wha... what? Does walking her from training not count as walking her back from training? Did the first sentence originally say something else? Is it referring to the three months away from Eld'rin? Even if it is, like, put some stuff between these two sentences. Whatever, moving on:

There is something ugly about working in the shadows with Alfimir in the dark places of Eld'rin to deal with this threat compared to how things used to be when he previously confided only with tight-knit friends. It makes things feel more tense. I also like that the shield wasn't busted with a simple "well that was easy" trick. How Dilmir is going to get through it I'm not sure, which is good.

Lastly as usual the description of the spell works is solid, even something as simple as a light cantrip. The detailing of the journey into the tunnels is also good; great set dressing for the descent beneath the city. It actually felt like a whole thing I could see in my head when you basically could've just said "they go down there". Built the tension nicely and gave the task more gravity.

“Aranthar isn’t here yet,” Alfimir said. “For now, time is something we have.”

Why would you say that have you read the next chapter—?!


Ch. 6: I think this is our first time with Ilrin PoV since Dilmir 1. I didn't care much for her in Curse without the PoV and without much agency; just kind of being... the girl character... of the group... I guess.

Also training! Hooray!

I really like the thundercloud spell assault: it's much larger-scale than other threats in these stories so far and felt appropriately devastating.

Ilrin landed hard a short distance away, and cringed as the spell exploded into fire, the hot flames washing over her. But she couldn’t feel them. They flowed around her, kept from her skin by the shield Dilmir had placed around her.

He had put it there months ago, once he knew Aranthar was coming.

It's too bad Dilmir didn't think to put such a shield around Eledim, but she's probably not a hot single in your area so I understand leaving her to the horrors of immolation. RIP.

I honestly hope by the end of all this that Aldir can swoop in and end up with Ilrin and subvert all our expectations. You have to give the poor guy credit for his sheer tenacity still trying to mend things with a woman who'd rather get exploded in this apocalypse than accept his help. I'm guessing Dilmir didn't give him a personal shield either so he's way more at risk than she is and he's still trying to help.


Ch. 7: I'm afraid the spell-storm does not do much to aid the arguments of the anti-Curse crowd.

Dilmir's arc regarding the duties of an archmage remain solid. Without even thinking about it he's becoming more like one, and is only now thinking about what that means for his personal relationships. And for now the only thing he can think of is that everything will return to normal once the current villain is defeated. I have a feeling that won't be the case, but we shall see. Love is the death of duty as Maester Aemon would say.

“I think this was just the beginning,” he said, addressing them all. “Aranthar has a zombie army; it makes sense that he would send them against us next.”

How do you know that? I'd probably just keep sending those clouds if I were him. Don't know why he bothered with the zombies last time, unless he can only make a cloud once every four months or something.

I'm not sure if the Curse will work on Anathar or not. It very well might, with the conflict being just getting to him in the first place. Or maybe things'll complicate further. But with the story being as fast-paced as it's been thus far, I probably won't have to wait too long to find out.

As far as the Cursed versus Uncursed thing, stuff like Aranthar's magic certainly makes it hard to see lifting everyone's Curse as a good idea. It's like if everyone could own an atom bomb. But maybe if Aranthar cannot be Cursed, lifting it from all the other Elves could be a good way to defeat him. If nothing else I'll say that either all of them should be Cursed, or none of them should be. The way things are now leaves a terrible imbalance of power.


Spelling and Grammar:

Dilmir found him and several generals pouring over a map of Eld’rin, the parchment laid out on a table grown from the hollow tree they all stood in.

Poring over a map, unless they are dousing it in something.

At this point in Curse I already had a big issue with the story in its structure. So far this is much better and I remain into it. You've really raised the stakes, quickened the pace, solidified the main character arc and given him a good opposite-type character to work with. And I'm glad Aldir has not been forgotten.

~TAF

[The Grim Reaper's Friend]

Spoiler Alert!

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

Chapters 5 - 7:

Ch. 5:

Wha... what? Does walking her from training not count as walking her back from training? Did the first sentence originally say something else? Is it referring to the three months away from Eld'rin? Even if it is, like, put some stuff between these two sentences.

Yeah... that's definitely a case of not quite knowing how to say what I mean, and then skimming later during editing. I'm trying to say that he's missed walking with her since he brought Inilidin back. In general, they still meet like normal.

The detailing of the journey into the tunnels is also good; great set dressing for the descent beneath the city. It actually felt like a whole thing I could see in my head when you basically could've just said "they go down there". Built the tension nicely and gave the task more gravity.

This is crazy, because I felt this was where my writing was the weakest for the story. I'm glad it managed to build tension when in reality it was just me treading water until they found the Curse.

Ch. 6: I think this is our first time with Ilrin PoV since Dilmir 1. I didn't care much for her in Curse without the PoV and without much agency; just kind of being... the girl character... of the group... I guess.

Ilrin had I think one chapter in the Curse as PoV, when the Asdelarcen come after her the first time. But yes, something I definitely want to work on in the future is characters without much going on, such as Endir and Inilidin, and Ilrin in the Curse.

How do you know that? I'd probably just keep sending those clouds if I were him. Don't know why he bothered with the zombies last time, unless he can only make a cloud once every four months or something.

Dilmir is just guessing that since the spellstorm moved on, something else is likely to come. The only other thing is the army, so...

As for why Aranthar is sending the zombies at all... Dunno, maybe he wants to be there himself? Can't very well do that in the middle of a spellstorm.

As far as the Cursed versus Uncursed thing, stuff like Aranthar's magic certainly makes it hard to see lifting everyone's Curse as a good idea. It's like if everyone could own an atom bomb. But maybe if Aranthar cannot be Cursed, lifting it from all the other Elves could be a good way to defeat him. If nothing else I'll say that either all of them should be Cursed, or none of them should be. The way things are now leaves a terrible imbalance of power.

I appreciate getting your insights on the main debate as the story unfolds. It's a great way for me to see how effective my writing is, and what is or isn't working.

Spelling and Grammar:

Poring over a map, unless they are dousing it in something.

Thanks, fixed now. I actually didn't know that was a word.

Glad it's bypassing Curse in the expectation department. Looking forward to the next round of input.

~TGRF.

[William099]

Yay!