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#25
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction
Chapter Fifteen is now live! Plots are revealed as we build to the climax in chapter sixteen!
~TGRF. |
#26
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction
Chapter Sixteen is now live! The tale comes a conclusion.
I'd be grateful if, once you've finished reading, you could give me your thoughts on the fiction as a whole. What did you like or dislike? Were there any strengths/weaknesses you noted? Particularly for this fiction, how were the twists? Could you see them coming? Was there not enough set up, meaning they seemed to come out of the blue? Or were they surprising yet logical? Your comments and criticisms make my writing better. Thanks for reading! ~TGRF. |
#27
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction
Okay finally caught up & finished.
As usual your writing skills stand out to me: things like "the words tumbled out of her mouth" are so visual and strike me as things I myself would never come up with as a writer. I also appreciated the magic system you created for its simplicity--it was mostly in the background but referenced just often enough so that I never forgot it existed. And it was a nice tie-in to the Kyrie Auras in the game. I also thought the POV thing really got smoother as it went and over time I started to enjoy the Runa chapters even more than the Utgar ones. I also liked the character of Kirav and it was nice that a character as minor as him got to be the one to beat the boss at the end As far as twists go none were story-recontextualizing level, but I enjoyed the revelation with Taelord finally revealing everything that was going on to explain the mystery. That part was like The Departed There were a few things that bothered me: The fact that we never really see Runa interact with Ahnvad considering what he did to her. She really freaked out over the other guy who tortured her but every time Ahnvad shows up she's just already unconscious. Obviously they can't interact that much because she'd just melt his face but I'd have liked to have at least seen some POV from her regarding him at some point in the climax. And then there was Taelord enacting his plan once Runa tells him where the Wellspring is at, when to me it seemed that she was just saying whatever she could to keep him alive. She had no way of knowing what she said was true, and I assume most people would rule out her home's water because there was no indication that Utgar was a Valkyrie at that time. I guess it's part placebo? The rules of the wellspring waters weren't particularly clear to me. How did Ahnvad seal it; how can he seal it when he doesn't really know where it is? How does he know that Utgar's powers would kill everyone in the cave? Has he seen a Lyr Valkyrie before? And then like the first story this feels like the end of the first Act of a much larger story. Utgar is a villain: I wanna see how he becomes the chiefest of the evil Valkyrie in Heroscape. Tell me the story you tease ...Ok, those expectations are my own fault, but seeing these characters as heroes while the story is ongoing does make the reader occasionally reflect on Heroscape canon and go "I wonder how we get from here to there..." Anyway it was an improvement over the first story by no small amount, and I was glad to have something Heroscape to read again. Maybe one day I'll actually write something Thank you for sharing. ~TAF, 7/10 TAF was the Storyteller... in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT |
#28
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction
Thanks for the feedback!
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One of my fears when coming up with these twists is that I won't anticipate every way they could be seen or interpreted. Quote:
While developing, I realized that Ahnvad letting Runa go (even if she was powerless) was dead stupid. She could find the Wellspring and drink it before he got there. So I needed a way to ensure that couldn't happen. So the idea is that Ahnvad found an archkyrie spell which can connect to a Wellspring through the Valkyrie who has drunk of it, and by using that spell, he was able to lock it down. As he said in the climax, this spell dies with him. This is also how he knows Utgar would kill everyone in the cave; he's studied Valkyrie. Quote:
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~TGRF. |
#29
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction
I remember an earlier mention of Valkyrie sealing their wellsprings in the story, but I guess I didn't know that the villain was especially well-read about them. If that was established at some point I must've missed it. The cruelty of his character was more well-established to me than the obsessiveness of it.
I also detected some of the seeds of where Utgar would eventually end up: becoming more distant from his daughter, committing more to war, having none of the hesitations about being a Valkyrie that Runa did... But while I recognize those seeds I still want to see them sprout. If you choose to continue this story then I certainly won't complain. Quote:
~TAF TAF was the Storyteller... in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT |
#30
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction
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As far as sequels go, I'd say it's within the realm of possibility. I have three possible stories in consideration right now, and one of them is a sequel to this, so... we'll see. No guarantees either way. ~TGRF. |
#31
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction
For once I kept my word and did in fact reread this story. It's a fairly quick read after all and has a super-fast pace. Even most of the sentences are super short and to-the-point
I mostly stand by my original rating. Missing the Runa PoV toward the end makes it feel like you missed a chapter where all the events occurred: with the attack, her encounter with Ahnvad, and Vraen's death all oddly happening offscreen (did he even die or will he show up in the new one?? ). Also why was there a scene where Utgar fought three soldiers and then immediately following a scene where he fights five soldiers? Just combine them into one Anyway, I am all caught up on the finer details and am looking forward to the sequel. If I miss anything then you can safely accuse of not having paid attention ~TAF TAF was the Storyteller... in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT |
#32
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction
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As for the missed chapter feeling, I remember disliking that as well. There was a reason for it - something to do with not being able to show it because it would undermine the twist of Taelord's revelations I believe. I can't remember specifics beyond that though, unfortunately. I'm up to proofreading the final few chapters for DoD. Just the Author's Note and Introduction to write after that... you should see it in around two days. ~TGRF. |
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