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#49
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
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~TGRF. |
#50
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
Chapters 25-27 are now live. Here is Chapter Twenty-Five - Recruits, and the others are in the drop down.
Also, I've just put all of the additional content at the top of the drop down menu, since there's no simple way to nest drop downs. You should find 'Dan's Cell' and 'The SR Unit' there. You should also find the newest addition, a map of Dan's corner of Valhalla. ~TGRF. |
#51
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
So....
~TGRF. |
#52
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
I am finally caught up, but I just don't have much to say other than I'm glad to be in Valhalla.
Judging from the current pacing (at least compared to what I'm used to) and the map provided, this looks like it's going to be a huge story. We're 27 chapters in and it feels like we're just getting started. ~TAF, who really needs to get back to writing his own big projects TAF was the Storyteller... in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT |
#53
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
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Is there anything you DON'T like so far? Any part(s) you think could have been done better? I know there are some parts in HiS which I would have redone if I were to write the whole thing again; I'm curious how obvious they are to the reader. ~TGRF. |
#54
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
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This does however lead to one of my major compliments of this story. My #1 goal when writing The Moon Has Wings was to employ free indirect speech--that is to have the 3rd person narrative sort of change and meld with whoever was the POV character at the time, to reflect their worldview. While not directly doing this exactly, HiS so far makes great use of the 3rd person to reflect Dan's personality and reasoning for everything he does (truly exposing the horrible lie that 1st person is superior to 3rd). Even though Dan is dumb, he is always relatable and understandable because of the way the story is written. I may ask "how" every now and again, but I've never once asked "why"? I've found myself questioning much smarter characters in the past because the story doesn't take the time to explain them to me, or worse yet tries to sneak it under the radar for the sense of the drama. Because this story takes its time exploring that, the drama is excellent when it might not otherwise be for any other writer. (Exhale.) My only nitpick criticism is the use of the word "English" referring to a Mariedian's language raises some questions. Usually one sneaks by this problem when it's brought up by referring to it as the Common tongue, using some sort of translation device or magic. ~TAF, wait was that a reverse compliment sandwich? Er, sorry about that... TAF was the Storyteller... in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT |
#55
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
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With the gloves though... Bigga picked up on that gap too. There is a logical explanation, but it does leave something to be desired. However, I think Dan and the reader learning what his gloves can do at the same time has got to help some. If the reader knew but Dan didn't, then there would be a problem. Unless you're talking about the repulsing ability they have (I was talking about them pushing through the Barrier above). If that's the case, then I think it might be fine if you haven't read the Quest first. If you aren't expecting it, the reader reaction should be basically the same as Dan's, right? Quote:
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Let the theory-crafting commence! ~TGRF, thanks for the breakdown; this is the kind of feedback I need! |
#56
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
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#57
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
I have returned from a great and decisive battle with the plague, and am ready to recommence posting.
As I will be moving during some of April and all of May, I'm probably just going to schedule the whole fan fiction so that it keeps posting a chapter a day while I'm down. The menu won't get updated, but you'll be able to see the recent posts on the side. We'll see. Until then, let us continue with Chapter Thirty-Five-Hyleran! Time for that map to start coming into play. No, I was not about to make Dan walk the whole way there. ~TGRF. |
#58
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
I realize I have very little right to keep asking for reader input. For one thing, that's not how fiction works. Usually the whole thing is posted in one go, and then thoughts are discussed afterwards. I'm not doing that here because posting a monstrosity tends to mean it never gets read.
However, since I AM posting it chapter by chapter, and because once I finish a fan fiction, my mind immediately goes to other things, I need something to remind me to keep posting chapters. Otherwise we have the current situation. And then of course when no one says anything, I despair that it doesn't matter anyway, and don't continue. That's why I keep asking for reader input, even if it's just to say there's still someone reading. I'd obviously prefer in depth breakdowns, but I realize not everyone is down for that, and it's virtually impossible on a per chapter basis anyway. All that being said, I'm going to try to keep going. Reader input is appreciated. Chapter Thirty-Six - Plan is now live. As the full plan of how to steal Valkrill's amulet is laid bare, Dan senses there are already rifts and doubts within the group. Will the mission fail before it even begins? ~TGRF. |
#59
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
Chapter Thirty-Seven - Takuya Imai is now live!
I had a lot of fun writing Takuya, even though he doesn't appear much in HiS. I'm not sure what about him was so fun to write... just the way he is I guess. Also, I'd like to thank @BiggaBullfrog for his help with the Japanese. In addition to being an excellent proofreader, Bigga just happened to know Japanese, and I just happened to need some in my tale. ~TGRF. |
#60
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Re: Horizon in Sight: Dan's Tale
I always fear fluent readers when using other languages, as I often resort to Google Translate.
~TAF TAF was the Storyteller... in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT |
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