The Joke Thread

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

The missing limbs collection!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs standing on a porch?

Spoiler Alert!

Matt

What do you call a man with no arms no legs out in the middle of the ocean?

Spoiler Alert!

Bob

What is a good name for a lady with only one leg?

Spoiler Alert!

Eilene (Ilean)

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a bush?

Spoiler Alert!

Rustle

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

Spoiler Alert!

Art

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a mailbox?

Spoiler Alert!

Bill

What do you call a guy with no arms no legs flying over a fence?

Spoiler Alert!

homer

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs waterskiing?

Spoiler Alert!

skip

[Crixus33]

A skeleton enters a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

[Crixus33]

Syvarris and a Venoc Viper were standing in a small forest glade. They listened as a mighty battle was occurring midst the trees. They watched in horror as Jotun came crashing down and a tall bloodied, rather angry looking Krug stood over him. Syvarris leaned over and whispered to the snake, "You think you could survive an attack from that thing?"
The terrified viper replied, "No dice."

[kevindola]

Why couldn't the Werewolf Lord control his SUV?

Spoiler Alert!

Because it wasn't a hybrid.

[Fi Skirata]

Two atoms are walking along when one of them says "Oh no! I think I lost an electron!". The other asks "Are you sure?". The first atom replies "I'm positive!"

[Eraguy816]

Here's one.
In the beginning god made heaven and earth. The rest was made in china.

[Rexmax2]

Originally Posted by Eraguy816

Here's one.
In the beginning god made heaven and earth. The rest was made in china.

[Rexmax2]

Just kidding Eraguy!

[Rexmax2]

Joke of the Day

What do you do if a dog chews a dictionary?

Spoiler Alert!

Take the words out of his mouth!

[Rexmax2]

I found this joke, thought it was super funny so I am making a second joke of the day. I couldnt wait.

Joke of the Day
2

A guy needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order for it to go, you said 'thank god' and for it to stop you said 'amen'. So the guy went, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. A few hours later, he woke up and was going off the edge of a cliff. So he shouted 'Amen!' and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.
'Whew,' he said. 'Thank god."

[Crixus33]

A man entered a pub to order a drink. As he sat at the bar he watched a man approach another custom and take the seat next to him. The bar patron could tell both men were obviously very drunk. He listened as the two men began conversing. Anyone could tell the two men immediately took to each other. The patron listened as one man asked, "Where are you from?"
"I am from Ireland," came the response.
"Really!? I'm from Ireland too, bartender another round!"
The man then asked, "What's your home city?"
"I lived in Dublin," was the answer.
"Really!? Dublin is where I lived too! Bartender another round!"
"So, what street did you grow up on?"
"Bolton," was the answer.
"No way! Me too! Bartender another round!"
The too men left laughing heartily. The bar patron turned to the bartender and said, "Well that was rather coincidental."
The bartender seemed surprised. "What that. The O'Brien twins are regulars."

[bobinchese]

Two muffins are sitting in an oven.

The first muffin looks at the second muffin and says, "man it sure is hot in here"

The second muffin looks at the first muffin and says. "Oh my god a talking muffin!"