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General Random thoughts and ideas. "General" does not mean random drivel, nonsense or inane silliness. |
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#1
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The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*
I dont know where this should go, so I'm putting it here.
Yesterday I wrote this poem. Let me know what you think. (PS- I'm 13) My mind is clouded by a mental storm Remorse tugs at me like tight shackles My heart is being compressed by my thoughts until it is no more This existence is futile, and I must cry to the world, for love, it is not so simple It is filled with twists and turns unable to be deciphered by man. Yet man traverses on into the abyss, unknowing of consequences or experiences yet to be discovered. My mind is this wasteland, and I am the realm’s only slave. I will accept any and all feedback. Also, I might share other poems Ive written. Edit- Just a side note, I AM NOT depressed, even if my poetry is dark. They each convey a secret, hidden message. I doubt anyone could figure most of them out. Last edited by Creationist; October 14th, 2008 at 08:48 PM. Reason: Notice |
#2
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*
Your use of the English language at your age is impressive. You seem to have a real talent with words, keep it up!
13 can be a really hard age. Writing can be a good way of dealing with junk. Thanks for sharing! |
#4
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*
Cool.
"People of Gotham! Take control.... take control of your city! THIS.... this is the instrument, of your liberation...." |
#5
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*
GREAT word choice! I am a writer myself. Middle school was a very awkward time for me and writing really brought me through it. Mind if we change this into a poetry/ short poetic works page for us all to post poems on?
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#6
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*
Yeah, I dont mind. Thanks for the support everyone, it feels great to have ones work agknowledged and liked.
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#7
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*
Very nice, Creationist. Writing's a good outlet for whatever you're feeling.
Nobody's going to believe me, but I have a small box filled with poems I wrote when I was 13. I painted "Warning: Extreme Angst" on the box and taped it up. Haven't read them in years. Haven't written any poetry in the last few years, either. |
#8
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*
Very nice descriptive text, however the subject matter is so clichéd teen angst driven it is become stale before it was ever written. I would tend to believe your writing, from that sample, could grow as you develop from a young teen to a mature adult. Currently the writing is all me, myself and more about me ... not much there for the reader to connect with.
Just because you're offended, it doesn't make you right.
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#9
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*
Like my edit said, this poem has a much different meaning than what it puts on to be. Most of my poems are about strange, uncommon topics.
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#10
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*
I'm no poetry major but yours didn't rhyme or really seem like anything more than you griping because you're yearning for something but aren't really sure what it is. No offense, but kind of dark, melodramatic, and pointless. Well written and good use of vocabulary, though! Git sum Jeezis in yer life, boy!
How about some nice limericks to get this party started! I am always a fan of some good old Eddie Lear! #1 Ode to the Turd Sandwiches In Public Office There once was a douche named McCain But when I must see him I'm pained <added MUST to get the rythm right> But then there's Barack Who to my shock Is worse then McCain but will reign. #2 Heroscape is the Grrroooviest Heroscape is the game that I choose It's cool as the B-52s You fight with lil' guys Until everyone dies Then you do it again until 2. #3 Ode To Heroscapers.com I sure love H S dot com I chat with the peeps that have cha'm I trade my fine wares Then I pull out my hairs 'Cause I just got McCreech for my 'Trons And finally, my new favorite, #4 Ode to R. Kelly That boy is just nasty, it's true His penchant was peeing on you Now he's a hard-timer 'Cause she was a Minor But at least it weren't no number 2! I was famous, once... http://www.heroscapers.com/community/blog.php?b=1715 Visit my site: http://www.superflycircus.com "I'm not cute...I'll mess you up!" ~Jake The Dog Last edited by SuperflyTNT; October 15th, 2008 at 11:20 PM. |
#11
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*
Quote:
Superflynt, you are my hero. |
#12
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*
2nd line of your first poem was not fitting of the limerick beat-pattern Superfly... =P
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