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  #1  
Old October 14th, 2008, 05:14 PM
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The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*

I dont know where this should go, so I'm putting it here.

Yesterday I wrote this poem. Let me know what you think. (PS- I'm 13)

My mind is clouded by a mental storm
Remorse tugs at me like tight shackles
My heart is being compressed by my thoughts until it is no more
This existence is futile, and I must cry to the world, for love, it is not so simple
It is filled with twists and turns unable to be deciphered by man.
Yet man traverses on into the abyss, unknowing of consequences or experiences yet to be discovered.
My mind is this wasteland, and I am the realm’s only slave.

I will accept any and all feedback. Also, I might share other poems Ive written.

Edit- Just a side note, I AM NOT depressed, even if my poetry is dark. They each convey a secret, hidden message. I doubt anyone could figure most of them out.

Last edited by Creationist; October 14th, 2008 at 08:48 PM. Reason: Notice
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  #2  
Old October 14th, 2008, 05:23 PM
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DrRansom DrRansom is offline
 
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*

Your use of the English language at your age is impressive. You seem to have a real talent with words, keep it up!

13 can be a really hard age. Writing can be a good way of dealing with junk.

Thanks for sharing!
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  #3  
Old October 14th, 2008, 05:25 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*

Nice vocabulary.

Thanks for the post!
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  #4  
Old October 14th, 2008, 06:13 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*

Cool.

"People of Gotham! Take control.... take control of your city! THIS.... this is the instrument, of your liberation...."
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  #5  
Old October 14th, 2008, 06:23 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*

GREAT word choice! I am a writer myself. Middle school was a very awkward time for me and writing really brought me through it. Mind if we change this into a poetry/ short poetic works page for us all to post poems on?


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  #6  
Old October 14th, 2008, 06:28 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*

Yeah, I dont mind. Thanks for the support everyone, it feels great to have ones work agknowledged and liked.
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  #7  
Old October 14th, 2008, 06:30 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of My Mind *My Poems*

Very nice, Creationist. Writing's a good outlet for whatever you're feeling.


Nobody's going to believe me, but I have a small box filled with poems I wrote when I was 13. I painted "Warning: Extreme Angst" on the box and taped it up. Haven't read them in years. Haven't written any poetry in the last few years, either.
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  #8  
Old October 15th, 2008, 04:53 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*

Very nice descriptive text, however the subject matter is so clichéd teen angst driven it is become stale before it was ever written. I would tend to believe your writing, from that sample, could grow as you develop from a young teen to a mature adult. Currently the writing is all me, myself and more about me ... not much there for the reader to connect with.

Just because you're offended, it doesn't make you right.
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  #9  
Old October 15th, 2008, 09:41 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*

Like my edit said, this poem has a much different meaning than what it puts on to be. Most of my poems are about strange, uncommon topics.
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  #10  
Old October 15th, 2008, 11:04 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*

I'm no poetry major but yours didn't rhyme or really seem like anything more than you griping because you're yearning for something but aren't really sure what it is. No offense, but kind of dark, melodramatic, and pointless. Well written and good use of vocabulary, though! Git sum Jeezis in yer life, boy!

How about some nice limericks to get this party started! I am always a fan of some good old Eddie Lear!

#1 Ode to the Turd Sandwiches In Public Office
There once was a douche named McCain
But when I must see him I'm pained <added MUST to get the rythm right>
But then there's Barack
Who to my shock
Is worse then McCain but will reign.

#2 Heroscape is the Grrroooviest
Heroscape is the game that I choose
It's cool as the B-52s
You fight with lil' guys
Until everyone dies
Then you do it again until 2.

#3 Ode To Heroscapers.com
I sure love H S dot com
I chat with the peeps that have cha'm
I trade my fine wares
Then I pull out my hairs
'Cause I just got McCreech for my 'Trons

And finally, my new favorite,
#4 Ode to R. Kelly
That boy is just nasty, it's true
His penchant was peeing on you
Now he's a hard-timer
'Cause she was a Minor
But at least it weren't no number 2!

I was famous, once...
http://www.heroscapers.com/community/blog.php?b=1715
Visit my site:
http://www.superflycircus.com
"I'm not cute...I'll mess you up!" ~Jake The Dog

Last edited by SuperflyTNT; October 15th, 2008 at 11:20 PM.
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  #11  
Old October 15th, 2008, 11:12 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Creationist View Post
Like my edit said, this poem has a much different meaning than what it puts on to be. Most of my poems are about strange, uncommon topics.
That's interesting. Very interesting, in fact. Care to shed light on what these topics might be...?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Superflytnt View Post
*post of awesomeness*
Superflynt, you are my hero.
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  #12  
Old October 15th, 2008, 11:16 PM
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Re: The Lithograph of all HSers Minds *Poems of all HSers*

2nd line of your first poem was not fitting of the limerick beat-pattern Superfly... =P


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