The President of Valhala election debates

[Ryougabot]

The candidates for president of Valhalla are Utgar, Jandar, Vydar, Ullar, and Einar

Moderator: We have all agreed to be civil during these debates, no name calling, no spellcasting, and no summoning of dragons, I’m talking to you Einar.

Let us begin with a question directed at Jandar of the Viking party, How are you going to address the issue of energy dependence when you are sitting on a reserve of oil right in the Thaelenk Tundra.

Jandar: I have repeatedly stated that I will not drill in the Tundra, I do not think we should disrupt the natural inhabitants.

Utgar: You are just saying that because you have made a backroom deal with the Dzu-Teh to fight me, we all know why they are loyal to you.

Moderator: Utgar, I will only warn you twice more for uncalled for outbursts. The next question is directed at Vydar, how do you address the issue of military experience when you are the youngest general?

Vydar: I will admit that I do not have any military experience, but I have summoned warriors from an era that is wrought with combat, so they know what they are doing. On a side note, they are mostly mercenaries, so they can balance the budget.

Utgar: How can you bring their experience up, they are from a future that may not even happen, I think it is RISKy to put all of our security in that.

Moderator: Utgar, that is two, please refrain from attacks. The next question is directed at Ullar, You are known for your environmental platform, how are you going to handle the massive numbers of venocs displaced by the expanding swamp?

Ullar: I have a cabinet of nine elves, who work very well together, and they have assured me that that issue will be addressed. They also point out that the swamp is increasing because my esteemed colleague, Utgar, has been funding hive expansions. He has given loans to Marro who can not afford to pay, so they are all moving to the swamp.

Utgar: You can not do attacks on me!!! Moderator!!!

Moderator: You are right Utgar, the next question is directed at Einar. Some have accused you of handling the economy in a very traditional conservative way. Do you think that the economies of ancient Japan and Rome are not the best model?

Einar: The Roman and Japanese economies have existed for far longer than any other economy. There have been no reported recessions in the history of Japan…

Jandar: That is because the warlord of Japan killed peasants when the food supply was too low…

Moderator: Jandar, that is one. The final question is directed at Utgar. Please address the scandal involving Social programs for Marro, it has been wrought with corruption since you have no way of knowing how many there are.

Utgar: It is not my fault that Marro breed like crazy, it is still necessary for each of them to have affordable homes. The situation has been catastrophic since it has lead to a collapse of my region’s economy, but through a program of relocation, we are mitigating that.

Aquilla: That is the problem! You are relocating them into MY swamp and my constituents are not pleased at all.

Ullar: You only have three Electoral College votes, and one of them should be mine, we don’t care bout your constituents

Moderator: Who let her in here, we have a rule about only male debaters

Aquilla: Bring up the good old boy’s club again, so typical. I will not be ignored!! And I will not let the end of the Universe come with me only having three votes.

Einar: This is going nowhere, I summon Zelrig!!!

Moderator: Look Einar has summoned a dragon, I guess these debates are over…Run for your lives!!!








Seriously, there is so much to work with, I could write this forever.

[ABOMINATION]

I love it! Great job.

[Ryougabot]

I was reminded of this thread's existence, and it is still relevant, now more than ever.

[Marro_Warlord]

Because it's amazing!

[Joseph Sweeney]

Originally Posted by Ryougabot

I was reminded of this thread's existence, and it is still relevant, now more than ever.

I actually read this a few years ago, but I came back recently to re-read it. Good stuff, man!

~JS