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  #13  
Old May 13th, 2014, 11:29 PM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

Not to hijack this thread--this isn't a wording issue--but in USSA, the final use of "attack" should be capitalized, Ixe. Also in USSA, "Attack 4" should be terminated with a period.

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  #14  
Old May 13th, 2014, 11:30 PM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

Yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing I'm not even looking for. Thanks for pointing it out, though, Xorlof; I'm sure Ixe appreciates it, and so do I.

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  #15  
Old May 14th, 2014, 01:35 AM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninja Status View Post
Also, maybe I'm not understanding this clearly, your asking for people who would be willing to correct spelling errors, correct?

-NS, who would volunteer if that was the case.

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  #16  
Old May 14th, 2014, 01:50 AM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

My custom cards are ever going to be of use for any of the custom projects, but I wouldn't mind another set of eyes on them if you really want volunteers. I'm not much of a writer I'm afraid.

These are my latest four:









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  #17  
Old May 14th, 2014, 11:19 AM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

Spoiler Alert!


Ok, let's see what we've got:

Darkmire Prowlers

Darkmire Prowlers: Looks like a strong, thematic name. No issues.

Stealth 4: I would reorganize this sentence to something like this: "If an opponent's figure is 5 or more spaces away from a Darkmire Prowler, it may not attack that Darkmire Prowler with a normal attack." I would rename it "Stealth 5." Thoughts?

Under Foot: Should be one word. "Underfoot."

Spelling is correct elsewhere.

The wording on Stealth 4 is a bit tricky. I'm glad to keep working on it if you don't like my suggestion.

Cronak

Cronak: Looks like a fine name for an Orc hero. I have a preference for more guttural sounds than the hard "c," but that's not really an editing thing.

Grut War Charge: The parts of this wording that I do not like appear to be from Ornak, so I'll leave it alone. It's clear enough.

Grut Shield: "When an opponent's figure targets Cronak with a normal attack, you may ..."

Spelling looks fine, except as noted.

Master Ji Mui

Master Ji Mui: Looks like a good name.

Empty Step: ". . . When using Empty Step, if Master Ji Mui is engaged he will not take any leaving engagement attacks."

Empty Body: Considering this is for your personal collection, this is really a matter of taste. It does affect how he plays, but I prefer something like this: "All figures attacking Master Ji Mui or defending from an attack by him subtract one from their Attack and Defense values." That probably creates some weird corner cases, but who cares; you can deal with Venoc Vipers -1 defense however you want.

Empty Mind: Looks good.

Spelling is good.

M/AI M-R

M/AI M-R: I like the unit name. It's both clearly a machine and easily pronounced.

Double Attack: Fine.

Overrun: Might be technical rules issues here, but it's well written. Take it up with Scytale.

Primitive Programming: "2 less defense dice."

Spelling all checks out.

Thanks for sharing, SW!

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  #18  
Old May 14th, 2014, 11:33 AM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

If you don't mind my chiming in...

Empty Step: One of the "Mui"s isn't capitalized.

Empty Mind: 'Scape Style question, should one capitalize "order markers"?

Primitive Programming: OK, grammar question here... should it be "fewer dice" or "less dice"? I vaguely recall that fewer is for discrete objects (fewer coins) and less is for quantities (less money). Or is it the other way around?
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  #19  
Old May 14th, 2014, 11:37 AM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

> Empty Mind: 'Scape Style question, should one capitalize "order markers"?

That's more of a style issue. IIRC, C3V does it lowercase, C3G capitalizes. Same thing for "wound markers." Both capitalize "Army Card."

I like the look and recognition of them being important gameplay objects that goes along with them being capitalized, but I'd guess that C3V does it how they do because it corresponds better with what Hasbro/WoTC did.

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  #20  
Old May 14th, 2014, 12:00 PM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

"Fewer" is better for "dice," as your memory suggests, IshMEL. "Less," though inferior and probably even wrong, is the 'Scape standard. So I let it go.

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  #21  
Old May 14th, 2014, 01:16 PM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

When I read the 4 answers that came first to this post, I laugh... finally, even when an english guy is talking to another one it can be hard to be understood, no need of a french guy.

It's a hard work , and I know what I'm talking about because sometime I even don't ave the courage to comment a custom necause of the number of spelling/wording issues . ^^


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  #22  
Old May 15th, 2014, 03:27 AM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

Thanks for taking a look D_S

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad_Scaper View Post

Ok, let's see what we've got:

Darkmire Prowlers

Darkmire Prowlers: Looks like a strong, thematic name. No issues.

Stealth 4: I would reorganize this sentence to something like this: "If an opponent's figure is 5 or more spaces away from a Darkmire Prowler, it may not attack that Darkmire Prowler with a normal attack." I would rename it "Stealth 5." Thoughts?

The wording on Stealth 4 is a bit tricky. I'm glad to keep working on it if you don't like my suggestion.
I'll fix the 'Under Foot'/'Underfoot' bit next time I get a chance, I didn't know that was one word, thanks.

What is the reason for flipping Stealth like that? I based it of Sgt. Drake's Thorian Speed (it's literally the same wording except 'within 4 clear sight spaces' replaces 'adjacent'), that seemed to be the closest match.

Quote:
Cronak

Grut Shield: "When an opponent's figure targets Cronak with a normal attack, you may ..."
I took the original wording there from the Nakitas, but Zogross uses wording more like your suggestion. Good enough precedence for a switch I suppose.


Quote:
Master Ji Mui

Master Ji Mui: Looks like a good name.

Empty Step: ". . . When using Empty Step, if Master Ji Mui is engaged he will not take any leaving engagement attacks."
I took the original wording there from Teleport, but Fey Step is worded more like your suggestion. I'll switch it, if only because 'starts to Empty Step' sounds kind of stupid.

Fey Step is worded:

If Erevan Sunshadow is engaged when he uses Fey Step, he will not take any leaving engagement attacks.

That seems to be the general structure for most every similar case I could find.

Is that particularly worse grammatically than your suggestion's exact wording? I prefer to stick to (one of) the official option(s) precisely when I can.


Quote:
Empty Body: Considering this is for your personal collection, this is really a matter of taste. It does affect how he plays, but I prefer something like this: "All figures attacking Master Ji Mui or defending from an attack by him subtract one from their Attack and Defense values." That probably creates some weird corner cases, but who cares; you can deal with Venoc Vipers -1 defense however you want.
I based Empty Body on Fearless Advantage, closest power I could find. I don't know, I guess I could switch here; I'm pretty apathetic to the differences between Attack Dice/Numbers/Values/Whatevers when it comes to my personal stuff honestly.

Quote:
M/AI M-R

Primitive Programming: "2 less defense dice."
Huh, don't know how I manged that one. I'll get that fixed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IshMEL View Post
If you don't mind my chiming in...

Empty Step: One of the "Mui"s isn't capitalized.

Empty Mind: 'Scape Style question, should one capitalize "order markers"?

Primitive Programming: OK, grammar question here... should it be "fewer dice" or "less dice"? I vaguely recall that fewer is for discrete objects (fewer coins) and less is for quantities (less money). Or is it the other way around?
Thanks for the catch on the mui

I used 'less' dice because Spider-Man was the first figure I could think of that had similar wording and that's what he uses. I didn't think to look at anyone else at the time.

'Less' shows up a lot more often than 'fewer', but the Obsidian Guards use 'fewer' and their power is probably the closest match here. That might be a good enough excuse to switch considering 'less' isn't the right word to use in the first place.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad_Scaper
"Fewer" is better for "dice," as your memory suggests, IshMEL. "Less," though inferior and probably even wrong, is the 'Scape standard. So I let it go.
The difference never bothered me anyway.


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  #23  
Old May 15th, 2014, 03:01 PM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundwarp SG-1 View Post
What is the reason for flipping Stealth like that? I based it of Sgt. Drake's Thorian Speed (it's literally the same wording except 'within 4 clear sight spaces' replaces 'adjacent'), that seemed to be the closest match.
I was trying to eliminate the "within 4" phrase, which did not seem very Heroscape-y to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundwarp SG-1 View Post
Quote:
Cronak

Grut Shield: "When an opponent's figure targets Cronak with a normal attack, you may ..."
I took the original wording there from the Nakitas, but Zogross uses wording more like your suggestion. Good enough precedence for a switch I suppose.
Ok, I'm glad you like it. Please bear in mind that I am not looking for (or at) precedent when I make my suggestions. I'm just cleaning up the wording so it is more clear and, where possible, more elegant. I will not apologize for varying occasionally from some card somewhere; many of them are not worded particularly carefully. And many are, as you've seen, inconsistent with each other.

In the end, of course, you will (and should!) do what you want. That is the nature of the writer/editor relationship. What I offer is suggestions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundwarp SG-1 View Post
Quote:
Empty Step: ". . . When using Empty Step, if Master Ji Mui is engaged he will not take any leaving engagement attacks."
I took the original wording there from Teleport, but Fey Step is worded more like your suggestion. I'll switch it, if only because 'starts to Empty Step' sounds kind of stupid.
That is the nature of the service I am offering. It looked "stupid," I tried to help you with an alternative, with callous disregard for Teleport. Again, I'm glad you liked it.

Fey Step serves your purposes perfectly; go for it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundwarp SG-1 View Post
I based Empty Body on Fearless Advantage, closest power I could find. I don't know, I guess I could switch here; I'm pretty apathetic to the differences between Attack Dice/Numbers/Values/Whatevers when it comes to my personal stuff honestly.
Fearless Advantage would be a good model. Go for it. Again, I do not propose to check against precedent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundwarp SG-1 View Post
Quote:
M/AI M-R

Primitive Programming: "2 less defense dice."
Huh, don't know how I manged that one. I'll get that fixed.
This is why the world needs editors. Things always get through.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IshMEL View Post
If you don't mind my chiming in...

Empty Step: One of the "Mui"s isn't capitalized.
Good catch, Ish!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundwarp SG-1 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad_Scaper
"Fewer" is better for "dice," as your memory suggests, IshMEL. "Less," though inferior and probably even wrong, is the 'Scape standard. So I let it go.
The difference never bothered me anyway.
Well, it bothers me, but that's why I'm offering this service.

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  #24  
Old May 17th, 2014, 12:44 AM
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Re: Help With Wurdz

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad_Scaper View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundwarp SG-1 View Post
What is the reason for flipping Stealth like that? I based it of Sgt. Drake's Thorian Speed (it's literally the same wording except 'within 4 clear sight spaces' replaces 'adjacent'), that seemed to be the closest match.
I was trying to eliminate the "within 4" phrase, which did not seem very Heroscape-y to me.
Hmm, well it's the same wording used for most Auras. It is bit weird to have Stealth 4 function as a semi-aura for your opponent's figures though, so I do think it could be changing. Any thoughts on using:

If an opponent's figure is at least 5 spaces away from a Darkmire Prowler, it may not attack that Darkmire Prowler with a normal attack.

I just switched out '5 or more' for 'at least 5' as it matched up with the Templar Knights. Is that significantly worse English-language wise?

Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundwarp SG-1 View Post
Quote:
Cronak

Grut Shield: "When an opponent's figure targets Cronak with a normal attack, you may ..."
I took the original wording there from the Nakitas, but Zogross uses wording more like your suggestion. Good enough precedence for a switch I suppose.
Ok, I'm glad you like it. Please bear in mind that I am not looking for (or at) precedent when I make my suggestions. I'm just cleaning up the wording so it is more clear and, where possible, more elegant. I will not apologize for varying occasionally from some card somewhere; many of them are not worded particularly carefully. And many are, as you've seen, inconsistent with each other.

In the end, of course, you will (and should!) do what you want. That is the nature of the writer/editor relationship. What I offer is suggestions.
I have a bad habit of getting tunnel vision with sticking to official wording, which is a pretty quixotic thing to do really. That's why I really appreciate getting a different perspective on things here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad_Scaper
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundwarp SG-1 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad_Scaper
"Fewer" is better for "dice," as your memory suggests, IshMEL. "Less," though inferior and probably even wrong, is the 'Scape standard. So I let it go.
The difference never bothered me anyway.
Well, it bothers me, but that's why I'm offering this service.
Heh, sorry that was meant as a play on the song Let It Go. The difference actually does bother me as well, which is why I'm switching it.


Anyway, I don't want to monopolize this thread, but would you mind taking a look at my newest card?




In particular, I'm wondering about her first power. She's metaphorically the emotional heart of the Burning Forge clan, but in this case it is also the name of the magic shield that allows her to absorb wounds. Would that be clearer if the power name had a 'the' at the beginning?


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