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  #1  
Old November 14th, 2019, 06:17 PM
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Doing better - Dealing with Guilt and Morning

I consider this site and its members a valuable support. network even if it always doesn't seem that way. Two weeks ago I found out my father took his own life. it hit me hard and I wasn't sure how I would deal. having this community kept a sense of normalcy to my life.

While all the thanks in the world are warranted, that is not what this post is about. I want to share what I learnt so others can avoid the same pitfalls.

1. Reach out to those around you even if the wronged you. I wasn't close to my father, he was neglectful all my life and was kinder to strangers than his sons. My door was always open to him but i could have reached out a little more. I regret not being the bigger man, and though I doubt there was anything i could have done to change the outcome i could have been better.

My father was just about my least favorite person, and I still feel like I let myself down, I can't imagine what it would be like with someone I was closer too.

2. Tell people you are hurting. I didn't know how bad my father was until I found out he was gone. He seemed to have friends, a steady pension and access to his grand kids, he was far more broken than he let on. I checked his phone and nothing about his texts betrayed how bad he was.

3. Get your affairs in order. they say suicide is a selfish act. it is that much worse to burden your family with chaotic paperwork, and unclear wills.

Above all be kind and forgiving. Death makes people weird when it should make us better. I know I am a better man than I was two weeks ago, but it is a sorrow that it had to take such a shock to the system.


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  #2  
Old November 14th, 2019, 07:31 PM
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Re: Doing better - Dealing with Guilt and Morning

Wriggz I feel your pain. I too lost a family member this year that I wasn't overly close to, but it hit me hard anyway. My brother had an illness that he kept to himself and it caught up to him one night.

So I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for your loss and I understand the difficulties you had to and are going through.

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  #3  
Old November 14th, 2019, 07:32 PM
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Re: Doing better - Dealing with Guilt and Morning

Wriggz, we're here for you. It sounds like a time of change for you, and I'm reluctant to call it a "loss." A change.

I'm glad you can articulate what you're going through, and many thanks for sharing your hard-earned advice with us.

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Old November 15th, 2019, 04:06 PM
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Re: Doing better - Dealing with Guilt and Morning

I'll pray for you - tough. Not sure if is helpful, but you might relate to this song by NF:
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Old November 15th, 2019, 04:21 PM
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Tough Times

As someone who has nearly killed herself on more than one occasion, this is close to my heart. I'm sorry you're going through this and whatever you need, this community is here. I echo your sentiments to people at large.

~Dysole, hoping you find the same solace here that she had in the past

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Old November 15th, 2019, 05:51 PM
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Re: Doing better - Dealing with Guilt and Morning

Thanks for all the kindness.

Sadly I feel my father's mental illness was akin to terminal cancer. I think the key is to take mental illness seriously so it can be treated before it reaches that point.


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Old December 1st, 2019, 10:26 PM
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Re: Doing better - Dealing with Guilt and Morning

The Heroscapers community is the finest online group I have ever had the pleasure of participating in. We're all here because of some plastic miniatures, but are still here nearly a decade after the final product release because it feels like home.
I had a first cousin, seven years my junior, die last month. We have no idea what caused it, and I still can't wrap my head around it.
Take care, I'll pray for you.
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Old December 1st, 2019, 10:56 PM
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Re: Doing better - Dealing with Guilt and Morning

Quote:
Originally Posted by wriggz View Post
Thanks for all the kindness.

Sadly I feel my father's mental illness was akin to terminal cancer. I think the key is to take mental illness seriously so it can be treated before it reaches that point.
The struggle is real. It's touched me; it's touched many of us who don't talk about it.

Get help, friends. If you think you need it: get help. It's ok. It's ok to need help, and it's ok to get it.

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