The Book of Shadow Lass

[A3n]

Originally Posted by IAmBatman

Yep, it's the breast thing ever.

[japes]

Careful how you treat those calculators...may be one of Soundwarp’s relatives.

[Karat]

Originally Posted by japes

Careful how you treat those calculators...may be one of Soundwarp’s relatives.

[MrNobody]

*Snip*

Also...

* Forex, take a turn with Explosive Diarrhea Boy or whoever and attack with a ranged attack, Shadow Lass gets a turn through Cosmic Dude and covers EDBoy with the shadow to block return fire. That kinda thing.

It's Explosive Diarrhea LAD, thank you very much.

Other than that, EPB cleared.

[IAmBatman]

Must be all that mutton.

[Yodaking]

A regular human with 4 life isn't really a spoiler, so I wouldn't sweat the Two-Gun stuff.

[IAmBatman]

Actually pretty sure Spoiler DOES have 4 life and is a regular human.

[Lazy Orang]

The bio's first sentence says 'losing both' and then lists three people - both is used to reference two things exactly. Both needs cutting.
A comma is needed after 'after her mother was killed' - the comma before starts separating it from the rest of the sentence, but the absence of one after that fails to do so properly. Also, the ampersand after that doesn't feel like good style to me, and I'd suggest replacing it with and.
How is the darkfield an 'unknown' source of darkness in the universe? The bio doesn't indicate she's the first one able to use it - in fact she seems to be the latest in a line of succession here. It can be mysterious, but I'm not sure how it's unknown - could you elucidate this to me?
Karate Kid could do with being linked in the bio.
Otherwise cleared.

[Lazy Orang]

Oh, Collateral Damage in the figure info is in all caps for no reason. Just noticed that.

[A3n]

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

The bio's first sentence says 'losing both' and then lists three people - both is used to reference two things exactly. Both needs cutting.

There is only 2. Shadow Champion & the successor (Lyrissa & Tasmia). I probably just haven't used the correct punctuation there.

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

A comma is needed after 'after her mother was killed' - the comma before starts separating it from the rest of the sentence, but the absence of one after that fails to do so properly.

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

Also, the ampersand after that doesn't feel like good style to me, and I'd suggest replacing it with and.

Not sure what you mean there. An ampersand is the same as an "and".

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

How is the darkfield an 'unknown' source of darkness in the universe? The bio doesn't indicate she's the first one able to use it - in fact she seems to be the latest in a line of succession here. It can be mysterious, but I'm not sure how it's unknown - could you elucidate this to me?

I can use electricity but the source is still unknown to me.

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

Karate Kid could do with being linked in the bio.
Otherwise cleared.

I didn't know that was a thing. I get linking when they are linked by powers e.g. Green Arrow & Black Canary. But this is just a general name drop. How would I also link to all the Legionnaires?

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

Oh, Collateral Damage in the figure info is in all caps for no reason. Just noticed that.

The reason is because I just copied & pasted it from the HC Realms site when I looked it up .

[Lazy Orang]

Originally Posted by A3n

There is only 2. Shadow Champion & the successor (Lyrissa & Tasmia). I probably just haven't used the correct punctuation there.

No, I don't think you have, and it's still three people, even if two of them are both successors. You could make it work as listing two things if you put something like 'losing both the Shadow Champions and his successors, Tasmia and her mother, Lyrissa Mallor'. That way, you changed it from being grammatically three objects (Shadow Champion, Lyrissa, Tasmia) to two (Shadow Champion and his successors) with the second being further defined immediately after.

Originally Posted by A3n

Not sure what you mean there. An ampersand is the same as an "and".

It is, but it's often considered stylistically poor form to use it in any official, serious etc. piece of writing when you could actually write the word. Lists, forum posts, instant messaging? Absolutely fine. Essays, narrative writing etc.? Not considered best practice. A bio is probably on the borderline there, but I'd consider it tripping over to the second camp.

I can use electricity but the source is still unknown to me.

Eh... not sure I entirely buy that, but I'll let it slide.

I didn't know that was a thing. I get linking when they are linked by powers e.g. Green Arrow & Black Canary. But this is just a general name drop. How would I also link to all the Legionnaires?

You wouldn't - you only link when a unit that has a card is name dropped. You don't name drop organisations (unless, for example, they have a squad card - I'd link HYDRA to the HYDRA Agents for example), so Legionnaires doesn't need linking (unless you want to link to the Legionnaire post in the synergy archive, which isn't needed or, I believe, standard form, but I wouldn't oppose).

[A3n]

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

No, I don't think you have, and it's still three people, even if two of them are both successors. You could make it work as listing two things if you put something like 'losing both the Shadow Champions and his successors, Tasmia and her mother, Lyrissa Mallor'. That way, you changed it from being grammatically three objects (Shadow Champion, Lyrissa, Tasmia) to two (Shadow Champion and his successors) with the second being further defined immediately after.

Sorry we still haven't bridged that communication gap. The current Shadow Champion is Lyrissa. The Successor is Tasmia. Only talking about 2 persons. That's why Tasmia was taken away from her mother so the planet wouldn't loose both together. Maybe it should be something like:
"losing both the Shadow Champion (Lyrissa Mallor - Tasmia's mother) & the successor (Tasmia) in a single attack."

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

It is, but it's often considered stylistically poor form to use it in any official, serious etc. piece of writing when you could actually write the word. Lists, forum posts, instant messaging? Absolutely fine. Essays, narrative writing etc.? Not considered best practice. A bio is probably on the borderline there, but I'd consider it tripping over to the second camp.

That's fine, nine ampersands replaced. But I probably would have used it on a lot other bios. I don't have the time to go through all them & change them.

Originally Posted by Lazy Orang

You wouldn't - you only link when a unit that has a card is name dropped. You don't name drop organisations (unless, for example, they have a squad card - I'd link HYDRA to the HYDRA Agents for example), so Legionnaires doesn't need linking (unless you want to link to the Legionnaire post in the synergy archive, which isn't needed or, I believe, standard form, but I wouldn't oppose).

I'm still not convinced this is the correct thing to do. He doesn't really have stake in her card or the design.