News Headline Add-Ons

[davidlhsl]

Britney Spears puts rumors to rest that she knows how to sing.
Obama grants his first pardons when his wife let a loud belch rip during a formal state dinner.
Texting actor kicked off plane in mid-flight. Final text on Twitter: "AAAAAGH! 9:58 PM Dec 2nd via TweetDeck."
China train sets jet-like speed record. If your General Tso's Chicken delivery arrives after 30 minutes, your next order is free!
WikiLeaks founder: No harm from leaks due to the amazing absorption powers from his bladder control underpants.
Sarah Palin, Kate Gosselin go camping: Tonight on Showtime!
Obama surprises troops in Afghanistan. Someone should have told the President his fly was open before he got off the plane.
NASA Delays Shuttle's Final Launch Again until the shuttle's radio can pick up The Howard Stern Show more clearly.
Grubs: A New Delicacy? Ugggh, I'm NOT thinking Arby's any more!
Spain orders air traffic controllers to resume work or military could take control of airspace. Yeah, that'll make flying safer.
Martha Stewart's stock is sinking. Or Martha Stewart's sock is stinking. I'm afraid my hearing isn't very good.
X-37B space plane returns to earth after seven months in orbit. I told the pilot to stop and ask for directions, but does he ever listen? NOOOOOOOO!!!

[mac122]

Nice!

Wife of Justice Thomas regrets call to Anita Hill. "She just kept droning on and on never making any sense."

Scans, pat-downs just the beginning in airport security
Up next:

Spoiler Alert!

Rear cameras could become more common. Please tell me this isn't another TSA story.

Buffett giving $50 million to stop nuke spread. Warren: I'll promise not to sell nukes to anyone for only $1 million.

[Shockma Ranyk]

Organism Discovered That Lives on Arsenic, but it has also been known to settle for Nightshade or Cyanide when the need arises.

[mac122]

Artist Puts Camera in Skull. Apparently the lack of a brain left plenty of room.

[mac122]

LA court can hear Peruvian case against oil giant. Court demands Peruvian case quiet down or they'll call the landlord.

Hillary In Kazakshstan -- Not a Pretty Picture. Hillary in Germany...Hillary in France...Hillary in Japan... yeah, pretty much the same everywhere.

Scientists Discover 'Koreaceratops': First Horned Dino From Korea. North Korea demands this "provocative" scientific activity stop immediately or there will be grave consequences.

Scientists Dress Up as Giant Pandas. Hey, what happens in the lab, stays in the lab...

'Walking Dead' producer: 'I wish we had killed more people' Oh, you were talking about the show. Well, just forget I said that.

Printing Problems Halt Production of $100 Bills but I'll be back in business tomorrow after a stop at Office Depot. Oh, wait, forget I said that...

What does the apparent compromise on the Bush-era tax cuts tell us? That even in this time of political uncertainty and change, that members of both parties can come together to help ensure that they will be re-elected...

[tcglkn]

Oh gosh. How did I miss these david? I love it! Expect some from me soon.

[Lamaclown]

Originally Posted by mac122

Hillary In Kazakshstan -- Not a Pretty Picture. Hillary in Germany...Hillary in France...Hillary in Japan... yeah, pretty much the same everywhere.

I like this one best.

[davidlhsl]

Al Pacino: I don't want to be sober. Yeah, that's how I feel after watching his movies.
Oprah, author clear air after 9 years. Somebody should have at least opened a window.
Get a flu shot now, CDC says. (cough) I disagr-- aaaaa-CHOOO! Excuse me. I disagree. I don't think (sniffle) it's really necessary.
WikiLeaks Founder Assange Arrested in Britain on Sex Charges. Hmmmm, all he did was watch Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin go camping on television.
Teen: I May Have Started Israel Fire. Uh, no. Playing too much Call of Duty on your PS3 doesn't do that.
Kim Stops Tweets, Few Care. There IS hope for humanity in this world after all.
19 Countries To Miss Nobel Peace Prize Ceremony due to surprise visit from Weird Al Yankovic.
Long Unemployment Spell 'Like A Divorce That Goes On and On and Doesn't Stop. So is that headline.
Would Extending Bush Tax Cuts Be the Most Unpopular Thing Obama Has Done? Only if you haven't been paying attention for the past 2 years.
Talks fail to achieve limits on Iran's nuclear program. Perhaps a visit from Weird Al Yankovic might sweeten the deal.
Starbucks and Kraft Escalate Battle Over Marketing Pact. Personally, I think Macaroni and Expresso is a lousy idea.

[tcglkn]

Accused teen hit man is U.S. citizen So that is what are public schools are teaching?
Study: Flame retardant in butter Then why does it melt?
Homeland Security, Walmart team up I feel safer already.
Tonya Harding sings 'Let It Be' She should have let it be.
'AT&T is now the worst carrier' That's what happens when you get bought out by Burt's Beer.
Colombian leader cancels climate meeting due to global warming.
How to party when unemployed: Buy Burt's Beer

[davidlhsl]

Another impressive collection of headlines, tcglkn! I had drawn a blank on the butter headline. Wait... drawn... butter... drawn butter! Where is my lobster?

[mac122]

Originally Posted by davidlhsl

Another impressive collection of headlines, tcglkn! I had drawn a blank on the butter headline. Wait... drawn... butter... drawn butter! Where is my lobster?

100-million-year-old fossil found in Thailand. What are the Rolling Stones on tour again? *

More auto loans going to subprime buyers. Yeah, that worked so well for the housing market.

Broncos fire McDaniels and the Patriots fired the Jets.

Safety turns down Jets to remain a train conductor. Reportedly signs 3-year deal that includes unlimited whistle-blowing.

*Paraphrase of a Pinky and the Brain joke.

Edit: Welcome to the party, tcglkn!

[tcglkn]

Videos you've gotta watch today, but keep your pants on.
'Ninjas' march in downtown St. Louis, no one saw them.
The most provocative celeb is... Is there anything I can add to this?