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  #73  
Old March 30th, 2022, 04:24 PM
AMIS AMIS is offline
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Just finished, I'll digest and edit this for bit.
Here's my views in the spoiler.

Spoiler Alert!


Initial thoughts;
Fantastic pacing throughout
Not enough closure

Still unsure why the moon has wings...is it the same reason as buffalo?

9/10

Just when you thought it was all right, someone made it alright.

Good trades with - Porkins / xraine69 / mac122 (x2) / frylock / Ztimster (x2) and probably others I forgotten to mention...sorry.

Last edited by AMIS; April 2nd, 2022 at 08:21 PM. Reason: Life may suck...better than being undead though!
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  #74  
Old March 31st, 2022, 05:43 PM
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TGRF TGRF is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

@AMIS As one who enjoys using zombies and vampires as antagonists in his writing, I'm kind of curious what you don't like about them, and what kept you coming back to this story despite that. Would be curious to know what worked there.

~TGRF.
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  #75  
Old March 31st, 2022, 08:12 PM
AMIS AMIS is offline
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

I'm actually not sure. I think the brotherly relationship between Header and Thorn is what originally had me hooked.

Most Zombie and Vampire tales focus too much on the monsters and not enough on the protagonists (don't get me started on the monster protagonist stories).

With all due apologies to @TheAverageFan , the monsters in this were almost an add-on. The building of relationships between some of the characters, most notably the soldiers and Thomas and Brooke, made me curious as to how they would (or would not) survive. The other relationship I was hoping to see more of was Reed and his father. But that would been real tough to include.

Silvan was also interesting as the all round evil archetype. The monsters were okay as expendable bad guys but Silvan and his past with the soldiers was interesting.

Remember a story is only as good as it's main characters which inevitably leads to their relationships. So what seems like action, is generally just filler.

At least that's how I view it.

The more I digest this story the more I liked it.

Just when you thought it was all right, someone made it alright.

Good trades with - Porkins / xraine69 / mac122 (x2) / frylock / Ztimster (x2) and probably others I forgotten to mention...sorry.

Last edited by AMIS; March 31st, 2022 at 08:12 PM. Reason: Great story.
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  #76  
Old April 1st, 2022, 11:28 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by AMIS
With all due apologies to TheAverageFan , the monsters in this were almost an add-on. The building of relationships between some of the characters, most notably the soldiers and Thomas and Brooke, made me curious as to how they would (or would not) survive. The other relationship I was hoping to see more of was Reed and his father. But that would been real tough to include.
Hmm, so it seems that my own concerns of having too much in addition to the zombies is actually a boon to readers like yourself. The undead only represent 1/3rd of the external threats of the story, after all. But to you that's a good thing. Interesting

As for Reed and his father, and any other unresolved or underdeveloped things, perhaps more will come of this project one day

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #77  
Old April 2nd, 2022, 11:42 AM
AMIS AMIS is offline
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post

As for Reed and his father, and any other unresolved or underdeveloped things, perhaps more will come of this project one day

~TAF
That's a sequel I look forward too.

Just when you thought it was all right, someone made it alright.

Good trades with - Porkins / xraine69 / mac122 (x2) / frylock / Ztimster (x2) and probably others I forgotten to mention...sorry.

Last edited by AMIS; April 2nd, 2022 at 11:43 AM. Reason: Really enjoyed this one.
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  #78  
Old April 2nd, 2022, 02:24 PM
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TGRF TGRF is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: THE MOON HAS WINGS - a zombie story

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMIS
With all due apologies to TheAverageFan , the monsters in this were almost an add-on. The building of relationships between some of the characters, most notably the soldiers and Thomas and Brooke, made me curious as to how they would (or would not) survive. The other relationship I was hoping to see more of was Reed and his father. But that would been real tough to include.
Hmm, so it seems that my own concerns of having too much in addition to the zombies is actually a boon to readers like yourself. The undead only represent 1/3rd of the external threats of the story, after all. But to you that's a good thing. Interesting

As for Reed and his father, and any other unresolved or underdeveloped things, perhaps more will come of this project one day

~TAF
I'd agree with AMIS on this one. Billing any story as a zombie story automatically means people go into it expecting zombies. For those who like zombie action, you've got to deliver on that expectation.

But beyond that, it's really the normal conflicts of any story which make the tale stick. Zombies only go so far as a primary conflict. They supply urgency and can be a great plot device for moving your heroes places/into unfortunate situations, but it's going to be the internal group dynamics which really keep interest up.

As long as those group dynamics don't lead to stupid decisions just to get more zombie action, they generally out-perform the zombies every time. At least in my experience. Zombies have immediate tension, but group dynamics tend to have depth, which zombie tension never will.

~TGRF, also agreeing that the balance of zombies to group dynamics was very well handled.
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  #79  
Old October 13th, 2023, 06:45 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Post APOSTLE'S CREED - a zombie story



INTRODUCTION

Hello! Happy Friday and welcome to the much-overdue release of Apostle’s Creed! Although I enjoyed writing The Moon Has Wings and enjoyed having folks finally read it, it always felt terribly incomplete without the sequel that really follows up on the events and finally begins to peel open some of the mystery. Finally the reader can get a small sense of what the hell is going on in any of this. And just in time for the atmospheric chill of October too :]

Just looking at the base events imagined beforehand in the overall outline of the story as a whole, I’ve always enjoyed Apostle’s Creed more than The Moon Has Wings—they’ve always existed side-by-side even if one was posted so much earlier—but actually putting it all down on paper proved to be a much tougher challenge. That, coupled with the lack of a reception to the initial posting of the first entry, helped make this a terribly long entry to write: nearly seven years. But I think it’s been worth it now that I’ve finally conquered it. At almost exactly 400 pages, this really feels like the first actual novel I’ve ever written, possessing both the length and complexity of other “real” books I’ve read in my time. As if that weren’t enough it’s also one of those books I feel like you have to reread as soon as you’re done so you can pick up on all the elements that aren’t apparent on a first go-through. How torturous! I can only hope it has quality to match, perhaps.

The story does still have some issues to me. The length is problematic in itself, given TGRF’s request to make things tighter when the opposite has occurred here. This is a book. As per his suggestions, I’ve at least broken up each chapter into two segments (i and ii), so there’s a given stopping point should you need to stop your progress mid-chapter. They are lengthy after all. There’s also a strange lack of zombies in this entry—I’ve noted this before in early drafts but it hasn’t changed much since then. I suppose AMIS won’t mind at least. The story is also extremely dialog-heavy, if that's something that bothers some readers? Lastly despite my efforts of redoing it and redoing it across the entire development, I still kind of hate the beginning of this story. I won’t say why I hate it (I'd rather you read it and maybe say “It doesn’t seem bad to me” than subconsciously parrot my own reasoning in advance and thus have it ruined for you too) but I just do; the parts making up this monster are just too complex for the beginning to be fully fixed it seems. It just can’t be helped I suppose—I never did fix the parts of The Moon Has Wings that bother me the most and sure enough none of my readers ever mentioned those parts whatsoever in their critiques so maybe it’s just a me thing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, lastly I’ve included a recap of The Moon Has Wings below. It was a long time ago so I can understand most if not all the details escaping readers, and although I’d prefer you just read through that again for a more complete retelling that’s a big ask. Apostle’s Creed takes place immediately after the closing events of the previous entry, so it’d be best if you were caught up on at-least most of the important events.

Anyway enjoy! Well, as much as a story such as this can be enjoyed. Don't forget to listen to music as you read, if that helps. TAF's personal recommendation of the day is A Fistful of Silence by The Glitch Mob.



_____________________________________________________________________


TMHW Recap:

Below is a play-by-play covering the events of The Moon Has Wings, chapter by chapter. It is relatively lengthy, covering a 260-page book, but otherwise this should retell all the events of relative importance in a few pages. Just don’t be surprised if I miss a thing or two, particularly tiny details that might become important or the nuances that make the characters compelling.

Spoiler Alert!




RATING & COPYRIGHT


This story contains mature content and is only recommended for readers 18 and up. Or those who think they can handle content for those 18 and up. Read at your own discretion.

Apostle's Creed contains Violence, Blood, Gore, Strong Language, Disturbing Imagery, Drugs and Alcohol, Sexual Content, and stuff like that.


_____________________________________________________________________

- Obligatory Copyright Statement (ironically still plagiarized from TGRF's Version) -

This is TheAverageFan's story, intended solely for the purpose of being released on heroscapers.com.
Any copying of the text within this fan fiction will be in violation of the copyright laws of heroscapers.com.

Text copyright © 2023 by heroscapers.com user TheAverageFan
Apostle's Creed Title copyright © 2023 by heroscapers.com user TheAverageFan

You may not copy any part or portion of this fan fiction without the express permission of the original creator. You bastards.


Now on with the show! Enjoy!

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT


Last edited by TheAverageFan; October 14th, 2023 at 07:34 PM. Reason: Fixed grammar
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  #80  
Old October 13th, 2023, 06:46 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Post Prologue

As before, we must start with a Prologue:

Spoiler Alert!


So we begin anew...

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT


Last edited by TheAverageFan; October 14th, 2023 at 07:39 PM. Reason: Fix grammar
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  #81  
Old October 13th, 2023, 06:46 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Title

L


O



Apostle's Creed

By Todd Inscho
V


E

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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  #82  
Old October 13th, 2023, 06:47 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Post Chapter 1

Moving on to Chapter 1:

Spoiler Alert!


I'll likely post a new chapter every two days or so. Don't forget you can always check details in the OP if you are fully caught up, and be sure to let me know what you think (with spoilers in spoilers if possible).

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT


Last edited by TheAverageFan; October 17th, 2023 at 09:26 PM. Reason: grammar
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  #83  
Old October 14th, 2023, 12:53 PM
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TGRF TGRF is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: APOSTLE'S CREED - a zombie story



It's finally here. It's finally begun. Looking forward to reading this, TAF. 400 pages is something even my mastery of the long-winded can't attain (although this post gives it a good shot, given I haven't actually read anything yet), and with a self-proclaimed lack of zombies, I'm interested to see just how much change/development our characters will go through. I don't recall exactly how long TMHW took to post, but if it was *only* 260 pages, I feel like we'll still be reading this one by the time summer rolls around. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing - always good to have something of quality to read.

I'll mention what I'd like to see, because you usually do that on my fan fictions, almost always leading to me internally saying 'ah crap, I should have thought of that.' So time to return the favor.
Spoiler Alert!

As always, I will be brutally honest. I'll review as I go, but if I don't have a ton to say about a chapter, I'll probably wait until I've read more to post. Until then... on with the zombies.

~TGRF.
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  #84  
Old October 14th, 2023, 05:44 PM
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TGRF TGRF is offline
He should definitely get that. (#4)
 
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Re: APOSTLE'S CREED - a zombie story

Introduction (Yes the critiques start here):
Spoiler Alert!

Recap:
Spoiler Alert!

Prologue:
Spoiler Alert!

~TGRF.
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