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  #1021  
Old August 8th, 2012, 02:02 AM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Open Invitation

Just one question, about your invitation, and THANKS by the way, but will it be BYOB? Ya know, Bring Ya Own Burts?

Ya can count on my participation!

C3G team building links.
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  #1022  
Old August 8th, 2012, 09:20 AM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Open Invitation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Eyed Jedi View Post
Just one question, about your invitation, and THANKS by the way, but will it be BYOB? Ya know, Bring Ya Own Burts?

Ya can count on my participation!
Absolutely, and it will also be TNTP!

Spoiler Alert!
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  #1023  
Old August 11th, 2012, 09:07 PM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Open Invitation

Pam: “Ok, Mike. Spit it out!”

Bob: “Yeah, Mike. There’s absolutely no way you can start a fire with two pieces of uncooked spaghetti.”

Sock Puppet: “David’s running late. Didn’t he call this meeting?”

Mike: “Yes.”

Pam: “Well?”

Mike: “It’s a secret.”

Bob: “It’s impossible, Mike.”

Pam: “I’ve resorted to using a lot of methods in my survival career, but I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous.”

Mike: “You don’t have to believe me, but I did it.”

Pam: “But the spaghetti would simply crumble. You have to use a lot of force to create the friction necessary to ignite a spark.”

Bob: “What did you use for kindling, a meatball?”

David (enters): “Oh, good! Everybody’s here.”

Bob: “You’re late, and we’re in the middle of getting Mike to tell us how he was able to start a fire using uncooked spaghetti.”

David: “Oh, that was awesome, Mike! I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes!”

Pam: “You’re both crazy.”

Bob: “Pam and I are Sanity Partners. High five, Pam!”

Pam: “I don’t ‘High Five.’”

Sock Puppet: “So why did you call the meeting?”

David: “Ah, yes! I’m happy to report that I’ve completed my own portion of the next round in our Battle Bites Tournament.”

Bob, Pam, Mike, and Sock Puppet: “WHAT????!!!!”

Bob: “You mean you already had the battles? But how are we supposed to announce the battles if they’ve already been completed?”

David: “Technically, they haven’t been completed. Don’t forget that I’ve extended an open invitation to our viewers to play any of the battles themselves and submit their results to me, davidlhsl, via PM. I’ll tally any results I receive by August 21, and the winner will be based on the cumulative results. I will announce this on August 22, which is the two year anniversary of this thread!”

Pam: “I’m really happy for your anniversary, David. You said you were going to resolve ties by playing the battles again. Correct?”

David: “Yes, that’s correct. I may play these potential tie-breakers in advance and simply hold them in case they are needed.”

Sock Puppet: “Does that mean you’ve already recorded the play-by-play?”

David: “Nope. See, any submissions I receive only needs a brief paragraph summarizing the results. That’s what I’ve prepared with my battles. These are pretty quick battles, anyway, and I’m not using the special rules I had been playing. So I think the brief summation will work fine.”

Bob: “And will Mike provide a brief summation on how he managed to start a fire with uncooked spaghetti?”

Mike: “Loose lips sink ships!”

Bob: “And punched lips sink Mike!”

Mike: “Nyeah! This is a production meeting, so we don’t have commercials.”

Bob: “I could use a Burt’s Beer.”

David: “Ok, I just wanted to keep you posted on our progress. Pam, are you doing what I think you’re doing?”

Pam (typing on computer keyboard): “Hmmm?”

David: “Hee! You’re wasting your time if you’re checking the Challonge bracket. I can’t really post the results until I see if I receive any submissions.”

Pam: “Then I’ll see if I can find any examples where someone used spaghetti to start a fire.”

Bob: “Come on, Mike. You’ve had your fun. Now, fill us in, please?”

David: “Go ahead, Mike. I think we’ve made them squirm long enough.”

Mike: “Step One: Soak the spaghetti in lighter fluid. Step Two: Strike a match. Result: Fire.”

Pam: “I call Dibs on killing Mike!”

Bob: “I have seniority, Pam.”

Sock Puppet: “Ready to assist.”

David: “Better run, Mike!”
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  #1024  
Old August 19th, 2012, 10:38 AM
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davidlhsl davidlhsl is offline
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Open Invitation

David: “It’s Exhibition Time, Sports Fans! I’m David, and boiling the third gallon of water in the past hour is my co-anchor, Pam. Think we have enough potable water?”

Pam: “You can never have too much water here in the mountains, David. I see we’re returning to Classic Heroscape.”

David: “That’s correct! We are still at C3G's Mountain Spring battlefield. Both start zones have a lot of figures. Zaeus has met with an unfortunate accident. As he arrived at the battlefield, his left arm fell completely off! I haven’t even played him yet!”

Pam: “Think the super glue will hold?”

David: “I certainly hope so. I’m using a few proxies, so I guess a one-armed gorilla won’t be so bad. It might pose problems if he needs to pull some ticks off him while shooting at the enemy.”

Pam: “They should all spray themselves with deet. That takes care of the ticks.”

David: “Try hiking in my neck of the woods, Pam. I hiked a short one-mile trail and sprayed myself. When I returned home, I found four ticks on me.”

Pam: “You didn’t hike in your deer costume, did you?”

David (laughs): “Ah, that’s so funny, I can’t think of a clever reply.”

Pam: “Good, then maybe you’ll stop whining about ticks. Let’s introduce our teams.”

Quote:
Originally Posted by ”Sock Puppet”
“Ready to assist! I’ve sprayed myself and look forward to a great battle. Here are your teams, which will feature a mix of Classic, C3V, and Matt Helm.”

Team A (1000 pts)
Zaeus (C3V)
Gorillanators x 4 (Classic)
Elaria the Pale (C3V)
Martial La Hire (C3V)
Myrddin (C3V)
Arashara Goshiri (C3V)
Iron Judge (Matt Helm)

Team B (995 pts)
Sesnie (Matt Helm)
Pteravore Razors x 2 (Matt Helm)
Skeletons of Annellintia x 1 (C3V)
Havech Eradicators x 2 (C3V)
Deathstrike Thrall x 3 (C3V)
Nicolas Esenwein (C3V)

“David, congratulations on being nominated the Scaper of the Month! Back to you both in the studio!”
Pam: “Thanks, Sock Puppet. Scaper of the Month, eh?”

David: “I'm as surprised as you, Pam. We have a lot of C3V designs on the field in this battle. As far as my own collection is concerned, I consider them a part of Classic Heroscape. I’m also looking forward to see Matt Helm’s Sesnie mixing it up. I’m using a Fen Hydra as a proxy.”

Pam: “We’ll give Zaeus some time to see if his arm can heal. One arm or two, there will be a battle.”

David: “And the mountain stream will flow with the not-so-sparkly run-off from the nearby Burt’s Beer Distillery.”

Pam: “That’s just wrong and environmentally irresponsible.”

David: “Better not let Bob hear you say that.”

Off-camera announcer: “The upcoming battle will be brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: Now with more deet!”

Last edited by davidlhsl; August 19th, 2012 at 10:48 AM.
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  #1025  
Old August 19th, 2012, 02:28 PM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Get the deet!

Pam: “And we’re back. How is Zaeus’ arm?”

David: “It’s still attached. Let’s hope he doesn’t sneeze.”

Intermission Battle: Team Monkey vs Team Horror

Spoiler Alert!

Last edited by davidlhsl; August 19th, 2012 at 04:05 PM.
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  #1026  
Old August 19th, 2012, 03:48 PM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Get the deet!

Intermission Battle: Team Monkey vs Team Horror (cont)

Spoiler Alert!
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  #1027  
Old August 19th, 2012, 08:08 PM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Get the deet!

Wow, Iron Judge boosted some Gorillanators into death machines. Team Creepy had no chance.

Thanks for letting the HelmAverse play in with Classic and C3V. It looks like the Razors came up a little weak. As always, if anything was broken (or just plain lame), just let me know about it in my thread.

By the way, although I didn't think it came up, I see no reason why a Razor that attacked but did not move couldn't "hop" at the end of the turn. It allows them to get away from engagements and fall into other skirmishes.

Keep up the great fun and stay out of the Burt's... you're not as young as you used to be.
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  #1028  
Old August 20th, 2012, 05:21 PM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Get the deet!


Hello, everybody! My name is Roland, and I'm one of the announcers who is replacing Bob and David. I'm here in the brand new Bart's Brew Sports Studio, and sitting next to me is my co-anchor, Brad. Welcome aboard, Brad!

Thank you, Roland. It's a pleasure to be here.

You viewers at home will probably notice that we are color-coding our dialogue to bring this broadcast into the 21st Century. Bart's Brew has recently bought out Burt's Beer, and Burt's Beer's personnel have been given their pink slips and will be replaced by more professional and productive employees.

And the Sports Broadcast Division will also implement changes based on extensive marketing research, consultation with media consultants, approval from accounting, and implementing feedback provided by the most cutting edge and modern focus group and survey strategies. We know what you, the viewers, want before you even know what you want.

Testing studies show that Bob and David are simply too old to deliver the vital demographic that a professional broadcast needs to attract high-paying sponsors. Plus, the Burt's Beer business model is simply outmoded. We will take maximum advantage of social media, the latest technology, and the most effective production techniques at our disposal to present a product that, in the end, you are tested to respond most favorably. For example, the previous group had an old sock for a mascot, which is simply laughable. Our computer generated mascot, O'Snap, will delight you with his sparkling wit and personality.

We will also do away with the customs that have been overplayed in the preceding series. Instead, Bart's Brew's Gaming Division, a subsidiary of the Toy and Hobby Division, is planning to roll out a professionally produced line of Heroscape compatible miniatures that will be made available to the public in the second quarter of 2013 in blind booster packs. We know this is what the gaming community wants, and this is the most profitable method of miniature distribution.

Brad, I'm absolutely certain our audience is as excited about this roll-out as we are!

You bet, Roland! In fact, I think we've all forgotten about the previous amateur production company. I'm certain we'll receive volumes of positive email and tweets thanking us for canceling the Battle Bites Tournament. Bart's has something new in store, don't they?

That's right! Hold on to your hats, folks, because we're presenting an all-new Bart's Brew Cage Cash & Smash Spectacular!!! You can download our app for both iOS and Android to follow the exciting previews that will be forthcoming. This tournament will also provide our viewers the opportunity to buy into our Premium Network for a special discounted price of only $49.99 for the first three months! You will definitely want to follow all the action as we'll roll out just some of the figures that will be available for purchase in the upcoming blind booster packs we mentioned, and Premium Subscribers will even witness an exclusive battle between two of the rare units in the collection! Brad, does it smell like feet in here to you?

Ewww, yes. I thought it was you.

Sock Puppet: "Ready to assist!!!"

I'm sorry, Stocking Man, or whoever you are. You can pick up your separation notice and final paycheck on your way out.

Sock Puppet: "You haven't seen this morning's newspaper, have you?"

Newspaper!!! HA! See, this is the reason you are no longer needed. You haven't kept up with the latest production techniques, and that's the reason you haven't been able to sustain an attractive marketing viewer base for our clients.

Sock Puppet: "Then Tweet This: Bart's Brew's stock plummeted to $0.04 per share today. That has allowed me and Mike to buy those shares, and we now collectively own 100% of your company. Well, make that it our company, because we've requested a full audit in your accounting records, where I suspect we'll find very interesting information that the SEC will want to investigate further. Meanwhile, Mike and I have replaced the Board of Directors with a panel of guinea pigs, and Pam has carved both of your walking papers onto tree bark as a souvenir of your unfortunate bad career choice. Now, GO AWAY!!!"

Mike (enters as Roland and Brad flee the studio): "You certainly told them. It stinks that the Battle Bites Tournament has been canceled."

Sock Puppet: "Over my dead lint, Mike! The Tournament will continue, and our two year celebration is only two days away!!!"

Mike: "Hooray!!!"

Off-camera announcer: "This thread is, and always shall be, sponsored by the good folks at Burt's Beer, who are proud owners of the dismantled Bart's Brew Corporation. Burt's Beer: Why would we old dogs want to learn any of your new tricks, anyway?"


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  #1029  
Old August 20th, 2012, 05:26 PM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Get the deet!

Whoa, time to switch to decaf.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Craig Van Ness View Post
I highly recommend C3V and C3G customs!
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  #1030  
Old August 20th, 2012, 05:37 PM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Get the deet!

Quote:
Originally Posted by quozl View Post
Whoa, time to switch to decaf.
I'm afraid StarBart's Latte Cafe was disbanded during the merger.

But be honest: Aren't you just a little disappointed you won't be entertained by the whacky hijinks of O'Snap?

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  #1031  
Old August 20th, 2012, 08:03 PM
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Get the deet!

This thread is a work of art ... a very strange, multi-layered, at least partially insane work of art.

C3G can be played with official Heroscape, but it's not recommended.


DISCLAIMER: C3G claims no ownership of the characters or artwork used for C3G customs. All rights for the characters belong to their respective publishers/creators. C3G cards are not intended for sale, and C3G does not authorize any party to profit from C3G cards.

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  #1032  
Old August 21st, 2012, 01:52 AM
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Red Eyed Jedi Red Eyed Jedi is offline
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Re: davidlhsl's Battles - Get the deet!

Quote:
Originally Posted by davidlhsl View Post
But be honest: Aren't you just a little disappointed you won't be entertained by the whacky hijinks of O'Snap?

I'm disappointed we wont see him, O'Snap's catch phrase could have been 3 snaps... in a Z type formation!

C3G team building links.
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