Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan
Okay I am caught up. Good so far; you always manage to keep up an impressively fast pace which I can't help but imagine is not something my own work ever manages. Only a couple dozen paragraphs in and we are set for our grand adventure.
Writing wise this one feels very distant and written matter-of-factly which stands out to me. It feels as blunt and harsh as its characters' lifestyles are so I assume it was done intentionally. Feels a lot like Dune in some areas (some; way, way less wordy). My only criticisms are a few instances of names being too close together (where one would normally revert to He's and She's), as well as the verb Licked being used thrice very close together.
As you said it would be it is already different from the other Utgar origin story which has my intrigue. Kind of feels like reading two different Competition Entries to the same Prompt, though if that were the case I'd say I already like this one better 
~TAF |
The fast pace is actually something I'm trying to cut back on. I feel like I'm too focused on introducing things quickly (see my recent FFC), and need to slow things down so that stuff can be introduced at a more natural pace. I have so far failed to do that, but if it's a plus in your book, then I'll count it as a win.
The distant tone is something I neither realized nor intended. I'm chalking it up to being out of practice, and writing about characters who are indeed distant. It's also something I'm trying to do less of; I want to write more like I did with the opening of HiS, where everything was through the character's eyes and personal.
Dialogue tags (and tags in general) were a bit of an issue throughout this fiction for some reason. Sometimes it might sound a bit off, but I think for the most part it's okay. It doesn't help that the words sound one way while I'm writing and another when I reread them.
Glad you like it; more coming tomorrow!
~TGRF.